Sh t Happens
by EM79
Summary: A Helen/Nikki story which takes place in Larkhall, written many moons ago. Posted here for safekeeping/archiving. Helen & Nikki's relationship hits a number of obstacles, can it prevail?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

E-mail me: liz_

**Shit Happens – Chapter One**

Helen had been back at Larkhall Prison for just two weeks and was still settling into her new role looking after the women serving life sentences, not to mention still adjusting to her new relationship with one such inmate, Nikki Wade. Helen smiled to herself as she drove home, remembering the instant delight on Nikki's face when she had found her in the library and told her about her new post. Everytime she thought of Nikki, she felt her stomach lurch and her pulse quicken. Helen dragged her wandering attention back to the road, realising she had missed the turning into her street. Reversing into a side street, Helen drove back to her turn off, chuckling to herself and shaking her head slightly. She laughingly chided herself for behaving like a lovesick teenager.

Helen pulled up outside her flat and climbed from the car. As she gathered her belongings together, the hairs rose on the back of her neck as she felt a sense of being watched. She glanced up and down the street but could not see anyone around. Hurrying up the steps to her front door, Helen was relieved when the door closed behind her without incident. Dumping what she was carrying in the hallway, she walked to the large window in the sitting room without switching on any lights. She could not be sure, but Helen thought she had seen someone lurking just beyond her gateway. Drawing the curtains, she turned on all the lights trying to convince herself she was simply being paranoid. The phone began to ring as she poured a large glass of red wine.

Nikki frowned, glancing again at her watch. Surely Helen should be home by now, she thought, puzzled as to why it was taking her so long to answer the phone.

" Hello? "

The sudden voice took Nikki by surprise and for a brief moment she could not return the greeting. Realising she had not spoken, she said quietly, "Helen, it's me…Sorry, are you busy?"

"Nikki…no, no not at all. Why d'you think that?" Helen replied. Nikki thought she had detected a hint of something in Helen's voice. Relief? Anxiety? Hard to tell.

"It just took you a while to answer, that's all. Anyway, I just wanted to hear your voice again and to wish you goodnight."

"I'm glad you called." Helen spoke softly, with notable sincerity in her voice, but did not elaborate on her statement.

"I love you. Listen, I've got to go. It'll be lock-up soon. I'll see you tomorrow?" There was no mistaking the hope and anticipation in Nikki's voice.

"Yes, you will. We've got an appeal to formulate. Sweet dreams, Nikki." Helen felt her anxiety slipping away as she talked to the woman she loved.

"Yeah, 'night Helen." Nikki replaced the receiver in its cradle and walked, as if floating on air, back to her cell, her heart pounding the way it did everytime she spoke to or saw Helen. Indeed it only took a mere thought of the beautiful young Scot to make Nikki's pulse race. Unbeknown to Nikki, her journey was witnessed by Jim Fenner, who made a mental note of the unusual spring in her step. Fenner had had it in for Nikki as soon as she arrived at Larkhall, and made no secret of his dislike for her. Since Shell Dockley had been shipped out to a secure mental hospital following her breakdown and suicide attempt, Fenner had been on Nikki's case more than ever. Jim blamed Helen for Shell's demise and had long suspected the lady governor of having more than a professional interest in the tall, dark lesbian. His suspicions had been heightened when the 'interfering Scot' had visited Nikki a few weeks earlier and now as he watched Nikki practically bounce away from the phone, he knew there could only have been one person on the other end.

Nikki was reading when her cell door opened. She glanced up to see who was visiting so soon before lock-up. Her face set like stone when she saw Jim Fenner standing in her cell doorway.

"Girlfriend well is she?" Jim smirked, shutting the door behind him, preparing for a bout of his favourite sport; Wade-baiting.

"What?" Nikki hissed remembering Helen's instructions to 'be good' at the end of her visit and resisting the urge to remove Fenner and his filthy, scheming mind from the face of the Earth.

"Well, you looked like the cat who'd got the cream just now after your phone call. Into telephone sex is she, our Helen?"

"Piss off, Fenner." Nikki managed to control her voice sounding as though she was merely bored by his stirring, and returned her attention to the book she was reading. Seeing that he would not get a rise out of her this evening, Fenner turned on his heel without another word, slamming the heavy metal door behind him. Nikki held her breath until the lock slid into place and she heard footsteps retreating before muttering "Shit" and kicking out at her locker. Although she was enjoying some peace and quiet now Barbara had been moved into Shell's old cell, it had left her open to visits from Fenner, hoping to provoke her into doing something that would give him an excuse to get rid of her. Nikki managed a smug smile, knowing that while Helen was waiting for her, she would do everything she could to keep her temper and avoid the creep.

Helen curled up on the sofa, wrapping her bathrobe around her damp body and cradling the last of the bottle of wine. The television was on but Helen was miles away, lost deep in thought. She had jumped almost out of her skin when Nikki had phoned earlier. After they had finished talking to each other, Helen had made her way upstairs and taken a long hot bath as she tried to put everything out of her mind and relax. The wine was helping slightly with the latter, but her mind would not switch off. Now, in the living room, she was playing out scenarios in her head, trying to figure out the best way to handle things if Nikki was successful in her appeal, her promise to make it work resounding in her ears. She desperately wanted to be with Nikki, but there were so many implications of them living together if she got out. Suddenly becoming aware of time ticking by, Helen glanced at the clock. 'Time for bed,' she thought as the hands pointed to midnight. The phone rang again as she wearily climbed the stairs but she decided to let the answer machine pick up.

Nikki awoke early and was already lounging fully dressed on her bunk reading when Dominic McAllister unlocked her cell.

"Morning Nikki." Dominic said cheerily, looking tanned and rested after his recent break.

"Hiya Dominic. Sorry, do you mind me using your first name?" Nikki asked as she sat up, suddenly realising she had done so automatically.

"Nah, it's alright Nikki, as long as you don't take the piss." Dominic replied trying to sound as though he was not bothered by Nikki's sudden friendliness. The fact of the matter was that he rather liked it. It made him realise the difference in Nikki since Helen had first taken charge of G-Wing and that reminded him of the gorgeous Miss Stewart. "Are you ready for breakfast?"

"You bet, I'm starved." Nikki's face lit up with a radiant grin at the thought of getting out of her cell and possibly seeing Helen.

"See you later, Nikki." Dominic shuffled off to finish unlocking the cells. Nikki put down her book and made her way to the servery.

Helen woke with a start and groaned as her head throbbed providing a painful reminder of her wine consumption the previous evening. She looked at the clock on her bedside table and cursed that the alarm had not gone off. She was supposed to be at work in twenty minutes and it was at least half an hour's drive away. She stood to get ready and immediately sat back on the bed as the room spun. For a moment, she thought she would be sick but it quickly passed and she rose to her feet again, slowly this time. Ten minutes later, Helen was dressed and after taking a couple of Alka-Seltzers, was as ready to face the world as she would be that morning. Walking swiftly to the car, she climbed in to the driver's seat, praying that the police did not stop her. She was sure she would still be over the legal limit.

Driving along, she kept a careful eye on her speed not wanting to give anyone any cause to pull her over. When she arrived at the gatehouse, she was running twenty-five minutes late and the guard informed her that Mr Stubberfield had been asking to see her as soon as she got in. Helen cursed at the thought of a meeting with Simon. The last thing she needed was a session of rambling and ranting in his uniquely pompous fashion. As she parked, she checked her make-up in the rear view mirror and grimaced at the pale face and bloodshot eyes staring back. Deciding it would have to do, she made her way to Stubberfield's office, hoping that it would be brief. All she could think of was seeing Nikki. The mere thought of the striking lifer brightened Helen's mood and seemed to ease the throbbing at her temples a little. Feeling a little more human, she knocked at the Governing governor's door.

Nikki was relaxing in the garden, leaning against the side of the potting shed, drawing on the last drags of her roll-up cigarette. She was taking the rare opportunity to soak up some sunshine before it disappeared back behind the gathering clouds. She felt a frown flash across her face as she recalled not having seen Helen arrive earlier. She was sure she could not have missed her arrival as she had leapt to the barred window everytime she had heard the gate opening. Shrugging almost imperceptibly, she resigned herself to the fact she would find out soon enough. In half an hour she would be meeting with Helen in private to 'discuss Nikki's appeal'.

A familiar, curvaceous shadow fell across the ground in front of Nikki's feet as she dropped the cigarette end. The light breeze that was beginning to stir in the garden carried Helen's delicate perfume to Nikki's nostrils. Without looking up, Nikki grinned, "You're early!" Nikki's smile faded as she looked into Helen's tired eyes. "Heavy night, was it?" Helen detected a hint of bitterness in Nikki's voice and noted the defensive stance that Nikki had taken, arms crossed tightly across her body. Shifting her weight slightly in the brief awkward silence, Helen breathed in deeply before speaking.

"Can we go into the shed, it's a bit bright out here?" Helen winced as she tilted her head into the sunlight to look up at the taller woman and started towards the door before Nikki could protest. "I was lonely after you called last night. I ended up over compensating with the wine." Helen was breathless as she spoke. Even when she felt like shit, being this close to Nikki was almost too much for her self-restraint. She sensed Nikki soften as she stood close behind Helen with her back to the now closed shed door. Helen felt her head begin to swim again and reached to steady herself on the bench. As she did so, Nikki slid a strong arm around Helen's slender waist, supporting her and pulling their bodies close together.

"Are you sure you should be here?" Nikki's voice was now filled with warmth and concern, as she idly stroked her free hand through Helen's bobbed brown hair. Helen leaned back into Nikki, only partly for support.

"What and miss spending time with you?" Helen tried to smile as she twisted round to face the woman holding her so tenderly.

"Helen, I would understand…" Nikki paused before adding, with a mischievous gleam in her eyes, "…but only if you promised to make it up to me!" Helen grinned, the sparkle returning to her own eyes, and lightly kissed Nikki's lips. The kiss quickly became deeper, both struggling to contain their passion for one another. Helen placed her hands gently on either side of Nikki's face and pulled back just enough for there to be a hint of daylight between them.

"I've got to go. I wanted to let you know personally that our meeting is going to have to be a bit later, I'm afraid. I'm running a bit late this morning. The alarm didn't go off and it took me a while to get going." Helen finally got round to the official reason for visiting Nikki.

"Sure, no problem, Helen." Nikki hoped her disappointment did not show too badly. The last thing she wanted was for Helen to feel pressured, especially as she was feeling somewhat under the weather.

"I promise to make it worth your while when you do see me." Helen added sensing the change in Nikki's mood. She kissed her again gently once more before leaving the shed. Nikki waited for a while, busying herself tidying the benches in the shed before venturing outside. She was acutely aware of the need to be careful not to be seen to be breaking the rules and whilst she could be impulsive, Nikki was not prepared to lose Helen because she could not control herself. It also gave her chance to regain her composure and for the colour to return to normal in her cheeks. Roughly shoving a plant pot to one side, Nikki reflected on how frustrating it was, even more so now that she knew Helen reciprocated her feelings.

Sylvia Hollamby, a warder with a 'face like a busted arse' and the temperament of an angry bull, was sent to escort Nikki to see Helen. Sylvia thought the special programme for women lifers was a waste of time and resources, but she felt that way about many things. It didn't help that Helen Stewart, who Hollamby felt had too many good ideas, was overseeing it at Larkhall. She held the same opinion of the 'meddling graduate' as Jim Fenner. Walking in silence, they headed off towards the classrooms, from where Helen had been working for the last couple of weeks, but as they neared them Sylvia veered off course.

"Where are you going? It's up this way." Nikki was confused and did not trust 'Bodybag' one bit.

"Not any more, it's not. Now just hurry up. As if I haven't got better things to do with my time." Nikki followed, still dubious about their destination, turning a deaf ear to Hollamby's moaning. She suddenly realised Bodybag had stopped and came to an abrupt halt behind her, only just preventing herself from stumbling into her. Hollamby opened the green door and ushered Nikki inside, where they paused briefly. Nikki scanned the inside of the room and saw that Helen now had her own secretary and private office off from this room, with a heavy wooden door. The secretary went to announce their arrival to Helen and as the door opened, Nikki caught a glimpse of the petite Scot behind a large desk, talking on the phone. Helen glanced up as the door opened and she caught sight of Nikki, waiting just beyond the secretary and quickly concluded her telephone conversation.

"Come in Nikki. Take a seat. I'll be with you in a second." Helen was careful to keep her tone professional and avoid eye contact with her lover. "That'll be all, thank you Sylvia. Mary, could you hold all my calls for the next hour and I don't want to see anyone unless it is an emergency, OK? We have a lot to do." The question was hypothetical. Helen's tone indicated she meant what she was saying, although the secretary thought it was for different reasons than Helen had in mind. Closing the door, she smiled over at Nikki, looking more alive than she had done earlier in the garden. "Look, a proper office where no one can over hear us or see us through the partitions." Helen swept her arms around the room, as she walked briskly to where Nikki was seated.

"You sound like a kid on Christmas morning with a brand new toy!" Nikki stood to face Helen, and playfully dug her in the ribs resting her hands on Helen's hips.

"Simon called me into his office this morning to let me know it was ready. We can finally be alone… and uninterrupted." There was no mistaking the excited and seductive gleam in Helen's eyes.

"I thought you were supposed to be helping me with my appeal, Miss." Nikki feigned wide-eyed innocence.

"All in good time!" Helen slipped her arms around Nikki's waist, moving in for a passionate kiss. It was all she could do to stop herself from screaming when there was a knock at the door. Nikki slumped back into the chair and Helen groaned as she turned to answer the door. Dominic was shocked by Helen's abrupt manner. "Yes?" she snapped at him, clearly annoyed by the interruption.

"Um…sorry…I, er…I've got some news for Nikki, Miss. I thought…she should know as soon as possible." Dominic spoke quietly hoping Nikki would not hear, but her head snapped round at the mention of her name, wondering what she was supposed to have done now.

"What is it? What's happened?" Helen's heart sank, her mind racing thinking about what it could be.

"It's Tricia Stoppard, Nikki's ex-girlfriend." Nikki sprang to her feet, demanding to know what was going on. Dominic informed her as gently as he could that there had been an accident, that Tricia had been killed.

"Okay Dominic, I'll take it from here. Thank you for telling her now." Helen put her hand on his arm and added softly, "I'm sorry I snapped at you. Bad day." Helen quietly shut the door and turned to face Nikki, who was standing as though frozen and unable to move. Her face was ashen, and Helen could see her eyes glisten as tears began to form and trickle unchecked down her cheeks. She went to put her arms around her, half expecting the old macho Nikki to return and shrug her off, but Nikki surprised her with a rare show of complete vulnerability. As Helen wrapped herself around Nikki's taut frame, she felt her sag against her sobbing and muttering something Helen could not make out through the tears. They remained like that for a few minutes before Helen guided the broken inmate towards a seat fearful that she would collapse under the weight of shock and grief. As she sat her down, Helen perched on the edge of her desk, stroking a hand through Nikki's dark, cropped hair.

"You must hate me." Nikki's voice was thick with tears. Helen suddenly realised that the statement had been aimed at her.

"Why would you think that?" Helen was taken aback by what Nikki had said.

"I'm supposed to be with you, and I get like this over my ex." The undertones of self-hate evident in Nikki's voice disturbed Helen.

"Nikki," Helen placed her hand under Nikki's chin, tilting it so that Nikki was looking at her, "you were together for nine years. That's a long time, and I know you still care about her. I'd have been more concerned if you hadn't reacted like this." Helen realised that Nikki needed reassuring right now and it caught her off-guard. Nikki had always been the strong one who Helen had turned to in times of need. Now the tables were turned, leaving Helen feeling unsure of what to do for the best. She walked around the desk and called for Dominic to escort Nikki back to her cell. Anger flared in Nikki's eyes.

"Fine, just throw me out then. Sorry I'm not in the mood for a shag anymore but shit happens, doesn't it Helen?" Helen ignored the outburst, realising that Nikki was hurting and needed to lash out at someone, and she preferred that it was her rather than another officer who might not be as sympathetic. She spoke calmly and quietly as she rejoined Nikki.

"I'm coming with you, but I think you need some time. Now is not the right time to talk about us, your appeal or even Tricia. Everything is too raw at the moment, but I am not going to abandon you." Helen gently placed her hand on Nikki's face, hoping to soothe the distraught young woman.

The new Wing Governor, Karen Betts, joined Helen and Dominic in Nikki's cell. She softly asked the young prison officer to fetch the nurse with something for Nikki. If Nikki did hear Karen ask for her to be sedated, Helen noticed she did not show it in any way. She sat on the narrow bed next to Nikki, holding her, gently rocking.

"I'd like to stay with her for a while, if that's OK?" Helen looked pleadingly at the blonde woman who had filled her vacated role on the wing.

"Of course, stay as long as she needs you." Karen felt for Nikki but Helen seemed to have the situation under control and so she turned to leave. As she did so, Dominic returned with the nurse. Nikki stirred, beginning to protest but Helen whispered something in Nikki's ear and the forlorn inmate stopped any attempts at struggling. She allowed herself to be injected with a sedative, which soon began to take effect. She could hear quiet conversations as though observing them from the end of a tunnel and they were receding rapidly. The last thing she was aware of was Helen telling her not to fight it, then everything faded to black as she leaned into the crook of Helen's shoulder.

It was beginning to go dark outside as Nikki woke. She lay unmoving as the sudden realisation of what had happened hit her with sledgehammer force. She rolled over and swung her legs on the cold hard floor, waiting for her head to catch up with the rest of her body, the sedative still not having fully worn off. She let out a sigh, which rapidly turned into a sob as tears pricked her eyes once more. Helen had been lying on the top bunk reading and had heard Nikki stirring. She slid down joining Nikki on the bottom bunk. At first she was too wrapped up in her sorrow to notice she was not alone, but when she realised Helen was still there, Nikki flung her arms around her, breathing rapidly giving in to the wave of emotion surging up from inside. Helen held her again gently rubbing her back and telling her it was going to be ok and to let it out.

There was a plate of food on the table for Nikki, as she had missed lunch and dinner whilst sleeping. Helen left Nikki's side briefly to retrieve the plate. Nikki took one look and turned away, her stomach performing somersaults at the thought of eating. "You need to try to eat something, Nikki." Helen had never seen her like this and it was causing her more than a little concern. She hated the thought of Nikki being locked up in here for hours without being able to talk to anyone. Most of the prison officers would not even care, not just because Nikki was a con, but because she was a lesbian too.

"I can't, not just now." Nikki paused breathing in deeply and slowly, "I dreamt that it was you in the accident, that something like this had happened to you. My ex is killed and all I can think of is what if it happened to you. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Guilty doesn't even begin to cover it. I feel like I've let her down. I know it probably sounds stupid, but ever since… well I got banged up, I've always had a fear that something would happen and I wouldn't be there for her. Now I know what hell is. This place has nothing on what I feel right now." Nikki bowed her head, struggling to hold back the tears she felt flooding her eyes.

"It will pass Nikki. You need time to grieve. It's normal to feel like you do. And as for me, I'm a big girl. I can look after myself. Why don't you let me look after you for a change? Accept the fact that you're human Nikki. There was probably nothing you could have done to prevent the accident and if you'd been there, then what? You probably wouldn't have survived either." Helen noticed that Nikki had gone quiet again, and lifting her drooping head, Helen realised Nikki was almost asleep again. Without much protestation, Helen helped Nikki back into bed, tucking the covers around her. Nikki fell into a restless slumber as Helen crouched by the bed stroking her head, tenderly. Helen glanced at her watch, realised it would be lock up soon and she would have to leave. Sighing, she found a piece of paper and wrote her telephone number on to leave on Nikki's locker. She wrote a note on the paper to let Nikki know that arrangements would be made for her to use the phone whenever she needed to and to call if she wanted to talk, no matter what time it was. As she finished, there was a sharp rap on the door, and Jim Fenner poked his head round the door without waiting for an answer.

"Sorry to break you two up, but it's lock-up and unless you intend on spending the night in here I'm going to have to ask you to leave, Miss." Fenner pointedly emphasised Helen's title, as though she needed reminding of her position at the prison.

"Thank you, Jim. I'm ready now anyway." Helen spoke evenly, levelling a calm stare at the arrogant prison officer, inwardly marvelling at his unbelievable ability to feel nothing, even at such a difficult time. She turned to check on Nikki once more before she left, aware that Fenner was painstakingly monitoring her body language so she satisfied herself with tucking Nikki's exposed arm under the covers, resisting the urge to kiss her goodnight.

Helen wearily made her way back to her office, having satisfied herself that those on night duty were going to keep an eye on Nikki and that she would be allowed access to the phone if she asked. Gathering her belongings together, she was surprised by a soft knocking at her door.

"Dominic, I'd have thought you'd have been gone by now." Helen glanced at her watch, hoping that whatever it was would not take long.

"Just off now. I wanted to see if you were okay. It's been a difficult day for Nikki, and for you. I was wondering if you fancied a drink, y'know just to unwind a bit." Helen welcomed the concern, something that seemed to be seriously lacking in most of the other officers. She did not realise the concern was borne more out of feelings for her than for the inmate.

"I really don't feel like going out tonight Dom," pausing briefly, she thought about the prospect of going home alone and added, "why don't you come back to mine? I could use the company otherwise I might end up sounding off to the fridge again. That is if you can put up with an evening of me whinging."

"Okay. I've got the bike here, so shall I follow you?"

"Yeah, just give me a minute to finish up here, then I'll be out."

A few minutes later, Helen was in her car driving the familiar route back home, being careful not to lose Dominic. She was relieved at the prospect of having company, but wished it was Nikki coming home with her. The normally self-sure, confident, strong inmate's helplessness had taken Helen by surprise. The pain and suffering evident in Nikki's eyes was a vision she knew would haunt her dreams that night.

She had temporarily lost Dominic as she pulled up outside her gate. Getting out of the car, she noticed an unfamiliar car parked across the street with someone sitting inside. She busied herself retrieving items from the back seat as she waited for Dominic to catch up. Glancing up, she noticed that the person in the car was watching her, but looked away when she made eye contact. Helen was glad to hear the roar of Dominic's motorbike pulling up behind her car.

The next morning, Helen was woken by the sound of someone moving around downstairs. Freezing momentarily, she thought someone had broken in, but then suddenly remembered offering the couch to Dominic after they had drunk too much for him to drive home. She jumped in the shower and dressed quickly, the smell of fresh coffee drifting upstairs. Wandering down to the kitchen, she found Dom staring out at the somewhat unkempt back garden, sipping coffee.

"Morning. It's a bit of a mess now Sean's not here." Helen reached for the pot of coffee as Dominic mentally noted the matter of fact way Helen referred to her ex-fiancé.

"Have you thought about getting someone in to do it? I don't mean to interfere but it looks like it wouldn't take much to bring it under control again." He felt his face redden, and he looked away again feeling like he was prying.

"It's just one of those things I never get round to." Helen was actually contemplating leaving it to run wild so that Nikki could tame it and work on it when she got out, if her appeal was successful. She grabbed her mug of steaming coffee, not really in the mood for small talk, and wandered into the hallway to pick up the morning paper. She noticed the answerphone blinking, indicating she had a message. Retrieving them, she discovered that there had been two hang-ups, the caller had waited for the message to end and the recording to start before putting the phone down. Frowning slightly, she erased them. There were no other messages, so she turned her attention to the newspaper. She idly flicked through the pages until a report about Tricia's accident grabbed her attention. The car Tricia had been travelling in appeared to have lost control going into a bend and had met a lorry coming in the opposite direction. Police were said to be investigating the accident. Helen passed the paper to Dominic so that he could read the report, her hand shaking slightly as she did so.

"Oh Jesus." Dominic muttered.

"I don't want Nikki hearing about this from anyone else. I want to be able to talk to her about it. You know how she is, if Jim or Sylvia tell her and start winding her up she'll do something we might all regret." Fear danced on Helen's face as she imagined worst case scenarios of Nikki's reaction to the news. Dominic agreed that Helen should be the one to talk to her and suggested that they leave early, so they could arrive before first unlock. This would also give Dom the chance to change as well as he was still in the same clothes as the day before and kept spare in his locker at work. Helen smiled her appreciation and they left the house without another word. As they both pulled away, the man from the unfamiliar car the night before discreetly watched their departure.

Karen Betts was already at work when Dominic and Helen arrived and she called the ex-wing governor in to see her immediately. Karen could see Helen was anxious to get to Nikki but thought she should pass on what she had been told by her friend in the police.

"Helen, I'll keep this brief because I know Nikki's been asking to see you since she woke up. There's been some interesting findings at the site of Tricia's crash. I asked a friend of mine last night about the investigation, so this is all off the record. It would seem that they found a nick in the brake cable on Tricia's car and there was no brake fluid left in the pipes. The interesting part is that there does not appear to be any spilled at the scene either, at least not enough to account for the pipes being dry." Karen paused to let what she had said sink in. "It may not have been an accident at all."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

**Shit Happens - Chapter Two**

"I'd like everyone, and I mean everyone," Karen looked pointedly from Jim to Sylvia, "to make a special effort with Nikki Wade at the moment. If she wants to talk let her. Be sympathetic and listen to her but don't try to force her to talk. We all know she has a temper, so avoid saying anything that could be taken the wrong way. Helen has said that she will keep an eye on her when she's here, but she can't be around all the time. I also want you to keep an eye on her," pausing for a second, Karen flicked a sidelong glance at Helen, "in case she tries to harm herself. We can't take any chances." Karen felt Helen look at her and then quickly focus on the ground in front of her, trying to stifle the emotions welling up inside.

"She's not likely to top herself, is she?" Jim said. It was more of a statement than question. "I mean, she's got the possibility of her appeal and everything, and she's got good reason to want to get out of here." Jim sneered at Helen, making sure she caught his full meaning.

"That may well be the case, but Nikki might not be thinking as rationally as that right now." It was all Helen could do to stop herself from slapping Fenner's smug, knowing face. She thought about asking Karen to keep him away from Nikki as much as possible for the time being. Her replacement was already one step ahead.

"Jim, I think it might be best if you keep out of Nikki's way for a while." Both Helen and Jim looked at her stunned, Helen wondering how she had the balls to do that in front of the other officers and Jim not believing what he was hearing. "Well, you do seem to have a somewhat inflammatory effect on her temper. The last thing she needs is to lash out in the heat of the moment and damage her chances of appeal."

'Nicely done,' thought Helen biting back a smile, thankful that Karen seemed to have Jim's card well and truly marked. "I'll leave you to it, if you're done with me. I'd like to see Nikki, now." Helen's walked out of the door to the officers' office ignoring the silent exchange between Jim and Sylvia.

"Of course." Karen watched Helen go, wondering what it was about Nikki that had made her Helen's primary concern, even before Tricia's death. She also noted the hostility emanating from Jim and Sylvia and determined to keep an eye on that.

Nikki was staring out of the small barred window as she heard a key turn in the lock of her cell door. She did not move as the door swung open, not wanting her hopes to be dashed if it was not Helen standing behind her. The atmosphere inside the tiny room was tense and even though she knew Nikki would never do anything to hurt her, Helen found herself on edge. Closing the heavy door as quietly as she could, she stepped across to within arms reach of Nikki, who still had not acknowledged her presence.

"How are you feeling? Did you get much sleep last night?" Helen's soft lilting Scottish accent washed over Nikki, helping to ease some of her tension.

"I didn't think you'd come. I thought they'd try and keep you busy elsewhere to keep you away from me. Maybe you should. I mean, it's got to look suspicious, you spending so much time with me. I don't want you getting into trouble. I couldn't bear you not being here again." Nikki had slowly turned to face Helen as she spoke. Even in the dim light of the cell, Helen could see Nikki's eyes were bloodshot and surrounded by dark circles. Not a restful night then, she concluded.

"I've got the governor's permission to spend as much time with you as I feel necessary. She's worried about you."

"More like she's worried that I'll become another suicide statistic." The bitterness in Nikki's voice and the mention of suicide scared Helen, an emotion that obviously showed on her face. The tall inmate wrapped her arms around Helen. "Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid. I couldn't leave you. It nearly kills me everytime you walk out of the door, why would I do something that would mean never seeing you again?" Helen knew she didn't need to answer that question and that Nikki was simply referring to suicide, but anything that would result in her being transferred to another prison, too.

"I need to talk to you in my office. I'd rather do it there. I don't want Mr Fenner or Miss Hollamby walking by and causing a problem." Helen avoided Nikki's questioning stare, not wanting to say any more. She turned and walked out of the cell. Nikki hung back for a split second then followed fighting the urge to sprint after her, realising that other people were around and they had to be careful.

"How y' doin' Nikki?" The two Julies shouted in unison as they watched her trail after Miss Stewart. It was the first time anyone had bothered Nikki since they had heard the news. The night before after lock-up, the prison had been remarkably quiet and subdued, with very few people calling to each other in the usual fashion. Only Yvonne Atkins had called to Nikki to let her know they were all thinking of her. Other than that, they had respected her need for time alone, uninterrupted.

"Ah surviving, you know," Nikki managed before Helen ushered her through a gate and out of sight.

"Nikki, I want you to know how difficult this is for me. I wish I had some good news for you but…" Helen could not think of a way to express it that would come even close to the mark. "I think you should see this first." She passed the newspaper across the desk to Nikki, seated on the other side. She had highlighted the report about Tricia's accident. "I don't know if it'll help, but I didn't want anyone else showing it to you first." Nikki sat silently as she read the article, shaking her head from time to time as though something did not make sense, tears slipping down her pale cheeks as she read on. Helen was careful to give her the time and space she needed as she read, sitting behind her desk, but never tearing her gaze from Nikki's bowed head.

"I didn't want to believe it. I thought it was a mistake. Now I guess I can't deny it though can I? Thanks for taking the time to let me read this here. I'd better get back." Nikki's words lacked conviction telling Helen that she really did not want to go anywhere and needed to be with someone who cared. Pausing before reaching the door, Nikki continued, "One thing I don't understand. Why did you want to do this here? What did you think I'd do?" As she spoke, Nikki looked directly into Helen's eyes, causing the Scot to catch her breath.

Slightly breathlessly, Helen said, "Sit down, Nikki please. That's not all. There's something else that's not in the newspaper. It's not confirmed yet so I shouldn't even be telling you really, but again I wanted you to here it from me. That way you're less likely to think it's a sick wind up than if someone like Jim Fenner let it slip." She made her way around the large wooden desk and perched on the edge facing the dark-haired lifer anxiously waiting. "There have been some initial findings that suggest it may not have been an accident. I don't know any details as yet, but I promise as soon as I know anything, I will tell you." Only Karen and Helen knew of the details so far, so Helen decided it was safe not to tell Nikki everything just yet. There was enough for her to deal with without having to think about the mechanics of the incident. Best to wait until it is confirmed, she thought.

The words had hit Nikki like bullets, each one taking more of her breath away. This did not really happen. It was something you saw in films or on TV, not in real life, not in her life. She felt anger and guilt well up inside her, rising from the pit of her stomach. She sprang to her feet, her head spinning from lack of food, and began pacing back and forth like a caged animal. Helen retreated behind her desk and then kicked herself as Nikki misinterpreted her actions.

"Regretting having me here on my own, _Miss_? What do you think I'd do? Do you really think I could ever hurt you?" Nikki's face was taut with anger and fury burned in her eyes as she hissed the words at Helen.

"It's not like that Nikki. I was going to phone for someone to fetch you a glass of water and something to eat. You haven't had breakfast yet and I know you didn't eat last night." Helen tried to explain her actions and placate Nikki.

"Yeah, and you couldn't reach across the desk? You didn't think to ask me if I wanted anything first? I feel like you don't trust me, like you think I'm going to lash out at any minute. You brought me here because you thought I'd end up down the block again if I was on the wing, didn't you?" The words stopped as she stifled a cry of frustration and hurt.

"OK, maybe I should have said something, but you have to believe me when I say that I trust you. I do Nikki. Like I said, I don't trust Fenner or Sylvia not to deliberately wind you up, provoke you into doing something stupid. I wouldn't blame you if you did, I know how annoying they can be, but I didn't want to take the risk. Miss Betts is fair but she's not your greatest fan. She does things by the book and I can't risk you being shipped out."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get angry with you. It's just so frustrating. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I cared about her, of course I did, but it's you I love, now. But at the same time I feel guilty, like I let her down." Nikki turned away not wanting Helen to see her as tears streamed down her face again. "I should've been there. I always looked after her, protected her. I should've been with her." Helen rushed to Nikki's side, slipping an arm around her slim waist and guiding her back to a chair.

"You can't look after everyone all of the time, Nikki. She was a grown woman. I know you feel responsible for her, but what could you have done, realistically? You probably would have ended up the same way had you been with her." Helen kept her voice calm and soft, taking care to mask the irrational jealousy she felt over Nikki's feelings for her ex.

"Why would anyone want to hurt her? I mean that's taking homophobia a bit far don't you think?"

"Let's just wait and see what the police turn up in their investigation before we start making any assumptions. Until then there's not a lot else we can do." Nikki looked up at Helen, gazing into her eyes.

"I'm really sorry for going off at you before. You don't need all this, me banging on about my ex to you." A sheepish look crossed Nikki's face. The pain evident in her soulful eyes made Helen want to hold her and keep her protected from any further hurt. "I really appreciate all the time and everything you're putting in for me. What with this, the appeal and my degree," Nikki gave a short laugh, "it's a wonder you find time for anyone else!"

"Well it's not like you're just another inmate, is it baby?" Helen smiled, relaxing into Nikki's arms as the lifer stood before her. She felt a surge of raw passion as Nikki kissed her head and stroked a tender hand down her back, slipping it easily underneath Helen's top. The electrifying touch of her lover's hand on her bare flesh made her start. Pulling back a little, she looked into Nikki's eyes checking that this was what she really wanted and not a knee-jerk reaction to the news she had just received. Pure desire gazed back at her, speaking volumes of the tall dark beauty's love for her. Both gave in to the overwhelming desire that threatened to completely engulf them. Helen allowed Nikki to guide her towards the newly carpeted floor, forgetting anything other than her need to consummate their relationship. Helen was happy to let Nikki take control, gently stroking her firm body as her shirt came undone. Nikki slowly pushed Helen skirt up, caressing the tender skin on Helen's thigh as she did so. Nikki's fingers worked their way up Helen's thighs and between her legs, massaging her clitoris. Helen lost all sense of time and reason as she felt Nikki slide her tongue inside her.

A short while later, as they lay still entangled, stroking and caressing one another, Nikki's stomach let out a low growl, beginning to object at not having been fed for over twenty-four hours.

"Can I ring for room service now?" Helen asked playfully in between kisses.

"Yeah okay. I guess I should eat something other than you." Nikki said mischievously.

Helen straightened herself and checked her appearance before reaching for the phone on the desk. Nikki lay back for a moment watching her before composing herself and straightening her clothing. She slid into a chair so that when there was a knock at the door, the scene appeared to be normal. Helen answered the door, retrieving a glass of water from her secretary and listening while she informed her that an officer was being sent to collect Nikki. It was almost lunchtime, so she could get something to eat back on the wing. Helen dismissed her secretary, and turned to Nikki pretending to sulk at the news of her impending return to the wing. Nikki sipped the water, trying to control the grin that would not stop gracing her delicate features, reminding her to play the grief stricken ex when she was collected. A rap on the door broke into their comfortable, satisfied silence. Jim Fenner greeted Helen with the same leering grin he had been sporting at the morning's briefing.

"I've come to collect Wade, Miss."

"Fine, I'll walk back down with you."

"There's no need. I mean don't put yourself to any trouble." Jim failed to hide the annoyance at Helen joining them. He had hoped to take the opportunity to have a dig at Nikki. He didn't care that her ex-girlfriend had been killed. She was only a dyke's for God's sakes, it wasn't like it really meant anything, he thought.

"It's not a problem for me, is it for you Jim?" Helen asked innocently. "There are still one or two things that I need to discuss with Nikki that can't wait." Nikki had to swallow a big swig of water to stop herself from laughing. She marvelled at how good an actress Helen was. Helen, for her part, knew what Fenner was trying to do and was determined not to leave him alone with Nikki. Smiling sweetly, she turned to Nikki, who rose reluctantly to her feet a little unsteady from low blood sugar. "Ready?"

"Yeah sure. Thanks for everything." Nikki caught Helen's eye to make sure she fully understood her meaning, but was careful not to hold her gaze, aware of Fenner's searching stare.

As they walked back down to the wing, Helen and Nikki made arrangements for meetings about her appeal. Helen was surprised at how calm Nikki seemed in light of what she had been told only a few hours earlier. She acknowledged that their time together since then had been more enjoyable, feeling herself flush slightly as she remembered their love making, but marvelled at the lifer's new-found self-control. Nikki was trying her hardest to look like the grieving ex, keeping her head bowed and walking silently, responding only with monosyllabic answers. She felt as though she should be carrying with her some feeling of grief or guilt at the way she had got over Tricia, but could not shake the euphoria of her explosive, passionate session with Helen. She realised that she cared more for Helen already than she ever had for Tricia. She was still upset about Tricia, but more as if she was a friend she had lost touch with a while ago.

On the drive home, Helen was amazed that she did not crash. Her mind could concentrate only on what had passed between Nikki and herself in the office that morning. She knew Nikki had wanted to be with her, she had told her on numerous occasions, but Helen had realised the full force of her own desires for the first time. At first she had been unsure, wondering whether it was another stage of grief, but as she felt Nikki wrap herself around her, she lost all control of rational thought. Thinking back it had been foolish and dangerous, but that had made it all the more exciting and enjoyable. She arrived home to find messages on her answer machine. Two were hang ups again, but there was one from Nikki, cryptically telling her how much she had enjoyed their time together. Helen had to listen to the message a few times before she understood the whole of it. Nikki had had to whisper parts obviously as someone had passed by. When Helen realised she knew the message off by heart, she climbed the stairs, soaking in a warm bath fantasising about their lovemaking, before collapsing into a restful, contented sleep on her bed.

The next few weeks passed with little incidence. Helen and Nikki managed to snatch precious time together as they made arrangements for the appeal. Although they did not repeat their lovemaking session, they came close on a number of occasions only to be interrupted or for Helen to lose her nerve. They heard little else about Tricia's crash, but it was confirmed that the police did not believe it to be an accident. Leads and progress seemed slow in coming. Nikki seemed to get over Tricia's death quite quickly with Helen's help. She also appreciated how the two Julies and Yvonne Atkins had supported her. They had sensed when she'd needed to be distracted and developed an acute awareness of when she needed space and time alone. After the first week, they had begun to coax Nikki out of her cell, involving her in the wing's social life. They had been concerned that she spent all her time alone or with Helen Stewart. Whilst they knew she had a soft spot for the ex-Wing Governor, they did not want her to arouse the suspicions of those now in charge. Nikki had been kind to all of them, taking care to look out for them and she had had a hard time, not just recently but also for some time leading up to her incarceration. All of them had concurred that she deserved a bit of happiness, which she seemed to get from the lovely Miss Stewart.

Four weeks after the accident involving Tricia, Helen arrived home earlier than usual. The phone was ringing as she raced up the front steps to her door. 'Typical,' she thought as it rang off just as she reached out for the receiver. Dialling 1471 told her nothing as the caller had withheld their number. It was beginning to concern her that she had been receiving anonymous phone calls and hang-ups for just over a month now. It had got to the stage where she dreaded the phone ringing. She had also felt as though she were being watched on more than one occasion, sometimes noticing a figure in an unfamiliar vehicle parked across from her front window. 'I hope Nikki's appeal is successful,' she thought locking the front door behind her after gathering the rest of her belongings from the back seat of the car. She hated coming home to an empty house. The thought of Nikki living with her sent tingles down her spine. Having her around all the time and being able to show her true feelings whenever she wanted filled her with an unsurpassed feeling of excitement. She could not help smiling to herself as she imagined her lover wandering around the spacious rooms, revelling in the freedom and space around her. She wandered through to the kitchen to prepare something for dinner, glancing out of the window overlooking the now overgrown back garden. It was beginning to go dark and shadows had formed in the far reaches of the yard. Helen thought she saw something move by the shed, too big to be an animal. She froze, staring out trying to make out the shape in the shadows, wondering if her imagination was making her hallucinate.

To Be Continued…..


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

**Shit Happens - Chapter Three**

Helen walked through the front door, shivering. She dashed up the stairs running herself a long, hot bath, pulling her clothes off as quickly as she could. She lay in the bath until it went cold then threw on her bathrobe and padded down to the kitchen searching out the strongest alcohol she could find. She settled on the sofa turning the television on hoping for something to occupy the void in her mind. After a few large shots of vodka, she suddenly decided to dress before making dinner, not really knowing why she was bothering but feeling vulnerable in her present attire. As she came back down stairs, she saw a figure at the door just before the door bell rung. Breathing deeply, she opened it slightly, keeping the chain on. Dominic stood on the front doorstep, somewhat taken aback by Helen's flustered, tired appearance. Relief flooded over her as she saw a friendly face on the other side of the door.

"Hi Dom." Helen managed the warmest smile she could, highlighting her striking beauty and making Dominic's heart miss a beat. "What are you doing here? Sorry, that sounded awful. Hang on." She closed the door and took the chain off, before inviting the young prison officer in. "I was just about to make dinner, would you like to join me? It'll make a nice change to have some company. If you're staying, I feel it's only fair to warn you I'm no Masterchef! You'll have to bear with me while I see what I've got in in the way of ingredients. I wasn't expecting company or I'd have nipped to the shops." Helen realised she was babbling and hoped she did not sound too desperate.

"OK, I'd love to. I actually came to see if you were alright. Nikki was quite upset when we told her you couldn't meet with her today. I thought she was going to hit Jim, but she seemed to calm down when I said I'd check you were okay. We both worry about you, y'know."

"I know and I appreciate it, really I do. I'm fine. I just had to go somewhere and I didn't know how long it would take. I only got back an hour or so ago actually." Dom raised his eyebrows as he caught sight of the vodka bottle still standing on the coffee table in the lounge. "What can I say? Long day." Helen said in answer to his unspoken question. She led him through to the kitchen so that she would have company while she cooked. Her first action was to draw the blind down, obscuring the garden from view. They chatted casually as she prepared the meal, throwing pasta into a pan of boiling water and frying off some mincemeat to go with it. She put Dominic to work chopping onions and mushrooms. Twenty minutes later, they sat at the dining table, quietly eating each taking long swigs of red wine in between mouthfuls.

"You've done a really good job with Nikki, you know? I can't believe the change in her. She's really concentrating on keeping out of trouble and giving herself the best chance with this appeal." Dom felt as though he should try to cheer Helen up a bit, noticing that she had gone very quiet since they started eating, and kept glancing towards the French window doors leading to the backyard.

"I think all she really needed was someone to believe in her. She's not a bad person, just needed a bit of help learning to control that temper of hers." Helen spoke quietly, but smiled as she remembered the first of many run-ins she had had with Nikki. She could not now recall why she had felt the need to rein her in from the very beginning, but she had sensed her intelligence and potential despite her hostility.

"Well, she certainly has a lot to thank you for. But I can see she appreciates it, which she never would have shown before you arrived at Larkhall."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Dominic, but she did most of the work herself. Anyway, how are you? Zandra's death seemed to hit you pretty hard." Helen steered the conversation away from her lover aware that every time her name was mentioned she blushed ever so slightly. She topped up both of their glasses with wine, before Dominic spoke.

"Yeah, that was shit." There was more than a hint of annoyance in his voice. "I see why all the inmates are so scathing about the Doctor. If he'd taken the time to talk to Zandra and actually believed her, they might have been able to do something for her."

"You can't know that for sure."

"No, but he still should be held accountable for just assuming it was her own fault. He should have sent her for tests earlier. She was still a kid practically and her life ended in prison. And you wonder why I wanted to resign a while ago?"

"At least she knew you cared about her. That meant a lot to Zandra."

"There was never anything more than professional between us." He didn't want Helen to think he had done anything with Zandra, although he was less worried about getting into trouble at work than he was about losing Helen's affection.

"I didn't mean it like that. I know you're not all raging nymphomaniacs.…forget I said that."

"It's okay, I know full well what Fenner's like." Dominic had taken Helen's drift and smiled at her adding, "although he's lost his plaything now. He's like a caged lion too as a result."

"Is he staying away from Nikki? I don't want her put in a position where she could do anything to jeopardise her chances in the appeal." It was not solely for Nikki's benefit that she wanted this, but Dominic did not have to know that.

"Not really. He keeps having quiet words with her, but it's usually him that comes out in a bad mood. Guess that means she's not rising to the bait anymore." Dominic noticed the satisfied look in Helen's eyes.

They sat chatting about life in general, putting the world to rights over the rest of the meal and then Helen did not object when Dominic offered to wash up. By the time both were ready to call it a night, they had demolished three bottles of wine. Helen insisted on Dom staying fetching blankets and pillows for him.

"Sorry it's the sofa again, but it's only a one-bedroom flat."

"It's fine, really. I could get a taxi home."

"No. You'd have to fetch your bike tomorrow anyway, so you might as well stop over. 'Night."

"Thanks, 'night Helen." Dom called to her as she was already making her way to the bedroom. 'It's fine for now,' he thought resolving to wait for a while before making his move. Helen seemed to have other things on her mind at present.

Nikki stretched as she stood, positioning herself so that she could see the gate from her small window. She was anxious, waiting to see the familiar figure pass through and cross the court yard. She gasped as she saw Helen step through with Dominic McAllister following very close behind. She knew it was insane but Nikki could not help but feel some pangs of jealousy at the thought of Helen spending time with Dominic. She could tell he had feelings for her lover, but was less sure about how Helen felt about him. Still at least Helen was back where she belonged. She had only been away for one day, but Nikki had feared she would not return. A great sense of hope and relief flooded over Nikki as she heard her door being unlocked. Time for breakfast.

Helen sat in her office, knowing she would have to face Nikki sooner or later. She had gone straight there as soon as she arrived that morning, not ready for the onslaught of questions from her lover or for the searching gaze she found impossible to resist. Nikki had a way of making her confide everything but this was one thing she was not ready to share. Not yet. Maybe not for a long time. She exhaled deeply, standing to walk down to the wing. She thought that if she faced Nikki in her cell, with other people around there would be less danger involved. She walked down to the wing lost deep in thought. When she asked where Nikki was, Di Barker informed Helen that she had gone into the garden a short while ago. Not quite as public as Helen would have liked, but as long as she could keep out of the potting shed… Her thoughts trailed off as she saw Nikki standing leaning on the handle of a fork, smoking. Taking a deep breath, she walked confidently over.

"Hi Nikki. Sorry about yesterday. I had an appointment I forgot about and then Area kept me locked up in catch up meetings all day. I'll try and make up the time with you today." Helen knew she was sounding more impersonal than she meant to, but was desperately fighting to retain control. "I hate to do this, but I have to go. I just wanted to let you know what time I can see you. I can come to your cell after lunch, OK?"

"Yeah it's not like I have any other pressing engagements." Nikki's hurt at Helen's behaviour was obvious in her voice and Helen could not bring herself to look her in the eye.

"I'll talk to you later." Helen kept her head down as she walked away, failing to prevent the tears which began streaming down her face. She paused before passing through the gate, wiping her eyes and composing herself before anyone could see her in this mess. Nikki watched her wondering what was upsetting her so much. No matter how cool Helen was with her later, she vowed to get to the bottom of it. She obviously needed someone to talk to.

Helen retreated to the relative safety of her office, slumping heavily into her chair. She cried, unable to control the despair gripping her. Her phone began to ring and she took a second to calm down before answering it. Karen Betts asked if Helen was busy, making it clear she wanted to talk to her. A few minutes later, Helen found herself in her old office, sitting on the opposite side of the desk than she was used to.

"Helen, are you alright? You look as though you've been crying."

"Oh I'm fine. Dominic and I had a bit of a heavy night last night, that's all." Helen managed to smile more cheerfully than she felt at her replacement. "You sounded like you wanted to talk to me?"

"Yes. I've ...erm… had some more news about the crash, the one involving Nikki's ex-partner. My friend told me they have a very strong suspect. They're expecting to pick him up today. In fact he's probably in custody already. They still have no idea about motive though. A member of this guy's family shopped him, said he had been out and wouldn't say where in the early hours of the previous morning and he fits the description the witnesses have given."

"That's a relief. I might wait and tell Nikki once he's been charged, if he is charged."

"That sounds sensible. No point in her getting worked up about it if he's not the one responsible. Listen while you're here, there's a new arrival on the wing today. Looks like she'll be one of yours. She's just got a life sentence for murder. Trouble is, the only spare we have is the one in Nikki's cell so it looks like she'll be sharing again for a while. It will only be temporary though. She's behaved impeccably for quite a while now and there's a girl leaving from enhanced next week so I'll be able to move her back up there if she stays out of trouble. I was wondering if you could have a quiet word with her, ask her to help the new girl settle in. Sounds like she's had a rough time, her father was killed a couple of years ago and she's been getting into trouble since then. I just think it might be an idea if someone showed her the ropes, stopped anyone taking advantage." Helen read between the lines, realising Karen was referring to Jim Fenner.

"I'll try, when's she arriving?"

"In a couple of hours. I know Nikki listens to you, so I thought you might have more luck than me."

"Like I say, I'll try. I can't make any promises though. You know as well as I do that she's headstrong and won't do anything she doesn't want to."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

"If that's all, I'll go and see her right away."

"Helen, it's lunchtime. Might be better to wait until after she's eaten."

"Yeah sure." Helen was struggling to concentrate on what Karen was saying, wondering how she was going to cope with having to be near Nikki for long enough to persuade her to look after the new girl without breaking down.

"Are you sure you're OK? You don't seem yourself?" Helen jumped, startled by Karen's hand on her shoulder.

"No I'm… I'm fine. I've got to go. See you later."

"'Bye Helen. You know where to find me if you want to talk." Karen was seriously concerned about Helen. It was not normal to panic quite as she had when someone placed their hand on your shoulder. There was a look of real fear in her eyes, but Karen could see she was going to get nothing out of her by forcing the issue.

Helen made her way back down to G-Wing, needing to be with Nikki and yet dreading seeing her. She mentally chided herself for over-reacting when Karen had put her hand on her shoulder. She had to get a grip of herself or they would all start asking questions that she could not bring herself to think about answering. Dominic saw her approaching the gate to the wing and sprinted the short distance to catch up with her.

"How you doing?" The voice cut into Helen's thoughts making her jump again. It was all she could do to stop herself from screaming. Her heart pounded, threatening to part company with her body through her chest wall.

"You really should learn not to sneak up on people like that Dom!" Helen tried and failed to sound casual about it, but Dominic could tell that he had really scared the young woman. "I was a million miles away."

"Somewhere warm and sunny, I hope." Dominic smiled, trying to ease the tension.

"Yeah, we can but dream," Helen replied absentmindedly. "Have the women finished lunch?" Helen regained her composure, telling herself that no one could get to her at work, she was in a prison for God's sake.

"Just about. You off to see Nikki? She's been looking a bit down today, could use a friendly face."

"Right, thanks Dominic." Helen waited patiently in silence, waiting for the officer to open the gate. Realising their conversation had ended, he obliged without further comment. Helen felt her blood pressure rise and that was matched by the pressure building in her head as she approached Nikki's cell.

Knocking quietly on the door, she waited until she heard Nikki call out before entering. "Hi."

"Helen, you look awful. Come here, tell me what it is. Which buggers have been upsetting you now?" Nikki went to put her arms around her lover, seeing the tension in every muscle. She was shocked when Helen flinched and moved away from her touch. "What? Have I done something to upset you?" Nikki was genuinely perplexed at Helen's behaviour. "Or have you found someone else? Who is it? Dominic McAllister? I saw you arrive together this morning."

"I came to ask you a favour." Helen's voice trembled as she fought to stay in control. "There's a new girl arriving on the wing later today. You'll be sharing with her. Miss Betts seems to think she could do with looking after and she wanted me to ask if you could keep an eye out for her." It had not escaped Nikki's attention that Helen was avoiding eye contact as well as her questions.

"Helen, if I've done something tell me. I can't put it right if you don't talk to me. You're not in trouble are you? They haven't found out?"

"No, I'm fine. Will you do this, for me?"

"You know I'll do anything for you. You still haven't answered my question. Have you met someone else?" Nikki turned away to the window, not sure that she wanted to hear the answer if Helen did decide to offer one. Helen said nothing but turned and left the cell, leaving Nikki to sob uncontrollably, fearing their relationship was over already. 'That's an even better exit than kissing me then telling me shit happens and walking out of my life,' Nikki thought.

Less than an hour later, as Nikki lay attempting to read in her cell, her door swung open and Bodybag bustled in followed by a young good-looking woman. She made no attempt to move and bit back an insult as Hollamby told the new girl to watch herself with Wade. She could feel the woman staring at her, but felt less than sociable. Having her here reminded Nikki of her last meeting with Helen, something that she really did not want to be reminded of.

"Hi. I guess we're going to be sharing for a while. I'm Laura."

"Nikki. How long you in for?" Nikki did not take the offered hand but tried to make small talk.

"Life. I objected to a woman coming onto my boyfriend."

"Must have been some objection. Top bunk's yours. If you don't mind, I'll get back to my reading. Not feeling very chatty today." Nikki did not wait for an answer before returning her gaze to the page, although her concentration was elsewhere.

'So that's Nikki Wade. This could be very interesting,' Laura thought discreetly watching her cellmate as she stashed her gear in the cramped cell.

To Be Continued…..


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

**Shit Happens - Chapter Four**

Helen was sitting on the end of her sofa cradling a large glass of wine when the phone began to ring. She left it for the machine to pick up not answering even when she heard Nikki's voice on the other end. She could not face her probing questions, demanding to know if she was seeing someone else. She could tell from Nikki's voice that she was hurting and that made her sink further into her depression. When the machine clicked, she listened to the message over and over, hearing Nikki tell her that she would not bother her anymore, that their meetings could be completely platonic, discussing her appeal only, if that was what Helen wanted. Helen sat up for the best part of the night, alternating between staring numbly at the wall and sobbing rocking back and forth on the sofa. At last she fell into a fitful sleep, only to be roused by a cat knocking over a milk bottle outside her front door. She froze, still dressed in jogging trousers and loose jacket top where she had collapsed on the sofa, listening for any other noises or signs of attack. She stayed like that for another twenty minutes, before deciding that the coast was clear and climbing the stairs. Looking at the clock in the bedroom, she saw that it was nearly five o'clock. Hardly worth going to bed, she thought. Running a hot bath in the vain hope it would ease her aching muscles, she prepared herself for another day of avoiding the questioning looks and inquiries into her health and state of mind.

She arrived at work almost a full hour earlier than normal and headed straight up to her office. This gave her the opportunity to work through the ever-increasing pile of paper work on her desk, and familiarise herself with the details of the new lifer on G-Wing, Laura Gossard. The name rang a bell, but Helen was not awake enough to be thinking clearly. She knew she was going to have to meet with Nikki and arranged for her to be brought to the office after breakfast. She spent the interim working out what she was going to say when she was faced with the woman she loved and yet was pushing away. She knew from the message Nikki had left on the answer machine that she was convinced it was over. Helen shook her head in despair, unsure of how to deal with the mess, knowing she could not face talking about it, not yet. To take her mind of it, she set to dealing with some of the paperwork in front of her.

Nikki received Helen's summons and prepared herself for the worst as she followed Di Barker to the office. She had felt increasingly dejected since Helen had left her cell the day before. When she had not answered the phone, Nikki feared the worst, concluding that their relationship was definitely over. She had suspected as much when Helen could not answer her directly in the cell, choosing to leave instead. Now she would have to show Helen that it wouldn't be a problem. The last thing she wanted was to be transferred out of Larkhall, so she vowed to give Helen no cause to suggest it.

"Come in, Nikki. Thank you Miss Barker, I'll let someone know when we've finished." Helen sounded to be in ultra professional mode today, hiding behind the front she had used for so long after her arrival at Larkhall. Nikki remained standing, expecting to be chastised if she took the liberty of making herself comfortable as Helen closed the door. "You can sit down, you know." Helen's tone softened once they were alone. Nikki did so and looked at Helen properly for the first time. She could tell instantly that she had not slept much more than herself, although it looked longer since Helen had had any restful sleep at all. Her usually vibrant, striking features were gaunt, her eyes sunken and lifeless. Nikki forced herself to look away, not wanting to pressurise the obviously suffering woman in any way.

"The new girl you asked me to look out for seems quite tough. I think she'll be fine, but I'll still keep an eye out for her." Nikki was fighting not to give voice to all the questions threatening to burst from her lips.

"Thank you, but that's not what I want to talk about. I was in last night when you phoned, it had just been a long day and I couldn't face talking to anyone. I'm really sorry if I gave you the impression I was seeing someone else. There's no one I would rather be with than you, that's not going to change. I care for you so much. I just have some things going on right now which I can't talk about. You haven't done anything to upset me. None of this has anything to do with what you have or haven't done. I simply need time to…sort myself out." Helen looked away, fighting to stop her lips from quivering so obviously.

"I've wracked my brains for the last two days, trying to figure out what I'd done. I couldn't think of anything, which is why I figured there was someone else. I want to help you Helen. I'm only saying that so that you'll know I'm here for you if you do decide you want to talk. I'm not going to put any pressure on you. I know it must be difficult for you coming to terms with all this and I appreciate you need time. In the meantime, if you want us to stop meeting, it's okay. If it makes it easier for you, I'll understand."

"Oh Nikki, the last thing I want is to not see you. Besides, things are beginning to move with regards your appeal, so we can't afford to let anything slip now." Helen's voice gave away just how exhausted she was, but Nikki refrained from dashing round to her side.

They spent the next hour discussing details and arrangements for Nikki's appeal. Helen's mood brightened a little as they became more engrossed, allowing her to forget her own troubles. When they had finished, she personally escorted Nikki back down to the wing so that she could introduce herself to Laura, whose case she would also be involved in. They found her in the cell, lying on her bunk smoking. She sat up as Nikki entered, looking at the woman following close behind. As she introduced herself as Helen Stewart, Laura flashed her a smile that was not quite hostile, but far from friendly. Nikki put it down to her being a 'screw' in the eyes of the new inmate and vowed to educate her later. Helen left them to it giving Nikki a warm smile, which was more than equally returned.

"What's her business then? She work for the prison or some higher being?" Laura seemed interested now Helen had gone, obviously intrigued by the amount of time Nikki had spent with her.

"She works for Area Management on a special programme for women lifers. She's OK. She looks out for our interests, makes sure we're alright. She's also helping me with my appeal, which is why I was up there for so long. You wouldn't believe how much paperwork there is."

"Maybe I'll see if I can appeal. I kept telling the judge I was provoked. If that little tart hadn't tried to steal my boyfriend, I wouldn't have had to teach her a lesson. It wasn't my fault she was a gobby cow who didn't know when to shut up. Doesn't seem like it worked on him though, he called me cold-blooded. My blood wasn't that cold when I stuck my knife in her, I can tell you."

"Yeah well, I wouldn't know about that." Nikki was surprised at the venom in Laura's voice as she justified taking another person's life.

"You never did tell me what you were in for." Laura paused, waiting to see if Nikki would enlighten her.

"Manslaughter. I made a mistake and I'm paying for it now."

"What happened?"

"It doesn't matter, it's in the past."

"Not for his family it's not." A glimmer of something burned momentarily in Laura's eyes before being extinguished.

"Whose?"

"The bloke you killed." Laura tried to sound casual.

"I never said it was a bloke. Why did you assume that? Have you been talking to someone about me?"

"No, it's just, well with you being a lesbian an' all, I just kinda assumed…" Her voice trailed off as she saw the anger in Nikki's eyes. "I'm going to leave you to it before this hole I've dug gets any deeper. " With that she darted out of the cell, leaving Nikki fuming. Laura congratulated herself at having got to Nikki already, although she mentally chastised herself for almost letting too much slip. She would have to be more careful about choosing her words in future. She planned to drip feed her poison to Nikki, enjoying the thought of tormenting her.

Helen made her way back to the offices and paused as she passed Karen Betts' office. Knocking, she asked her old secretary if Karen was busy with anyone at the moment. Checking, she found that she had a spare half hour and announced Helen's presence to the Wing Governor.

"Would you like a cup of tea or coffee?"

"I'd love a coffee please, as long as it's strong and black. I didn't sleep too well last night."

"It shows, you look exhausted." There was a brief pause as Karen ordered coffee from her secretary. "So, what can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you'd heard anything more about the accident?"

"Apparently, the suspect is not very vocal. All the evidence so far is circumstantial. They're afraid they might have to let him go for the minute and hope something turns up that they can use. Sorry it's not good news. Does Nikki know?"

"No, I decided to wait for something definite." The coffee arrived just as Helen was about to say something further. By the time the secretary had left again, she had decided against it. They sat for a moment, sipping the steaming dark liquid, Helen ingesting the caffeine in the hope it might revive her flagging spirits and energy.

"I've decided to move Nikki up to enhanced tomorrow. It's all arranged. She's become a very valuable member of the wing. She's looked up to by a lot of the women, they really respect her. I know they all hope she's successful in her appeal, as do we. What do you think her chances are?"

"Honestly? It's difficult to say. It was always going to be hard, but now we don't have Tricia and Nikki's original statement to the police doesn't exactly give a glowing character reference. But with her recent behaviour, with the exception of the Tessa Spall incident, and the fact that she's well on her way to completing a degree, I think it shows that she's not the same person she was when she first arrived here."

"Well, I hope she appreciates the trouble you're going to on her behalf."

"It's no trouble. Truth is I like Nikki's company. If we'd met anywhere else, we would be good friends, so I feel like I'm doing it for a friend. When I was still Governor here, she helped me a lot, sometimes just by listening when I needed a sounding board." Helen stopped realising this conversation could lead to awkward questions and get her into trouble.

"We all need an ear to bend sometimes, and Nikki's intelligent enough to understand where you're coming from." If Karen had suspected that Helen cared more deeply for Nikki than she should, Helen noted she did not to show it.

Drinking up, Helen stood up, "I'd better let you get on. Thanks for the coffee. Let me know if there's any more news about the crash."

"Of course. Listen, how about going for a drink sometime? We could make it a girls' night out."

"Yeah that'd be good. I'm a bit pushed for time at the minute though so would it be alright to hold off on any definite plans just yet?"

"No problem. Let me know when you're free and we'll see about it then, OK?"

"Fine. Thanks again. See you later."

Nikki was glad when she was told on Friday morning that she was being moved to the threes. Her new cellmate, Laura, had begun to disturb her. She was sly and had a way of winding Nikki up until she had to go to the garden or gym to vent her anger safely. She niggled at Nikki almost constantly and it concerned her how much she seemed to know about her. She had tried discussing her concerns with the two Julies, but Laura was as nice as anything with everyone else it seemed. She thought it might just be homophobia, but then she got confusing signals, with Laura asking her constantly if she had a partner and showing signs of flirting with her. Helen had visited the cell a couple of times since Laura had arrived two days ago and her taunting was worse just after Helen left than any other time. Nikki had warned Helen in the office, fearing that their feelings for one another were obvious, but they had always been discussing Nikki's appeal or her coursework, taking care to appear detached and professional.

The extra space and privacy of the enhanced cell was luxury to Nikki. She could escape from the rest of the wing again and be alone when it was getting too much, knowing that the others would respect that. All except Laura. But she would have difficulty following Nikki up to her new cell, so there was some hope of peace. She couldn't wait to see Helen's face when she found she'd been moved back up to the threes. She hoped it would cheer her up. She certainly needed it. She had looked increasingly exhausted and depressed for the best part of the last week. Nikki could not help but want to wrap her up in her arms until it all went away. She did not know what it was that had to go, but there was definitely something troubling Helen, and it was not getting better on it's own. She resolved to break her vow not to push her and confront Helen about it at the first opportunity on Monday. She was roused from her reverie by a soft knocking on the door. Turning, she saw Karen Betts standing in the doorway.

"How are you settling in?" Karen seemed to genuinely care. She had some qualities that were almost Helen-like, Nikki thought. Only almost though.

"Oh fine. I guess I have you to thank for this, don't I? I appreciate it and I already know the welcoming speech about being a good girl, I got it from Helen last time I came on holiday up here! Seriously though, thank you and I will behave myself. The last thing I need is to get into trouble with my appeal pending."

"Good. You have shown remarkable restraint in the last few weeks, despite there being some members of the wing who have tried to provoke a fight. You deserve to be up here, Nikki. Keep it up, and I don't see how the appeal judge can fail to be impressed." Karen was pleased with Nikki's enthusiasm about her appeal. She seemed full of hope rather than the dejected, bitter woman she had been when Karen had begun at Larkhall. "Nikki, before I go, can I speak to you in confidence about something?"

"Yeah, sure." Nikki was reminded of the first few months after Helen's arrival when she had often asked the same.

"You get on well with Helen Stewart don't you?" Karen chose her words carefully, not quite knowing if she should even be discussing this. She reminded herself of Helen's own words. She considered Nikki to be a friend, so if anyone knew what was bothering her, she guessed it would be Nikki.

"Yeah I guess. She's the first person to really take an interest in me. Why?" Nikki spoke warily and her heart started to pound, fearing that Karen suspected something was going on between them. She frantically wracked her brain, trying to think of an occasion when they may have given rise to such suspicions.

"I'm a bit concerned about her. Have you noticed anything different lately or has she said anything to you?"

"I have noticed she's more subdued than normal, yes, but she won't talk about it. All I know is that she wasn't in work on Tuesday, said she had had an appointment she'd forgotten about and hasn't been the same since. I don't think she's sleeping properly either but she clams up whenever I ask if she's OK. The last thing she needs is for someone to try and force her to open up though. She'll talk when she's ready to."

"OK, I was just wondering if she'd said anything. I know she confides in you, so I thought it would be worth asking. I am quite worried about her, so if you do find out anything that you feel I need to know, can I trust you to talk to me? It'll be in the strictest confidence."

"If Helen tells me anything and I have her permission to, I'll let you know. Other than that I can't promise anything."

"Alright. Well, I'll let you finish settling in. 'Bye Nikki." Nikki was left feeling more than a little worried by the conversation with Karen. She had thought that it was something between her and Helen that was causing the problem, but Helen was too professional to let other staff know she was having personal problems. There must be something else.

Helen spent the weekend busying herself as much as possible round the house, keeping her mind occupied. Karen had not been satisfied with Helen's assurances that she was alright and so paid her a visit on Sunday afternoon. She was shocked by Helen's appearance, her hair was loosely tied back from her face, revealing just how pale and tired she really was.

"My God, Helen. When was the last time you slept properly?" Karen invited herself in, ignoring Helen's half-hearted protests.

"I'm fine, really," Helen insisted. "Would you like a drink, now you're here?"

"Coffee would be good, thanks. I spoke to Nikki on Friday. She's worried about you, too. She told me not to push you though, seems to think you'll talk to someone when you're ready to. Does she know you as well as she thinks she does, Helen?"

"It's nothing really. And yes, if I felt I needed to, I would talk to someone. I've just got a lot on around here at the moment. I've been decorating, which is why I'm tired. I'm not getting to bed that early. There just aren't enough hours in the day." Helen tried to shrug off Karen's concerns, knowing that any cursory inspection would show no signs of decorating. She reached out to put the coffee on, unable to control the shaking in her hands that had taken hold as soon as the doorbell had rung. "How's Nikki taken to being back on enhanced?" She ignored Karen's inquisitive stare. Helen was glad of the company, but desperate to change the subject of their conversation.

"She seemed very positive when I left her on Friday. She's determined that nothing is going to spoil her chances of appeal, no matter what happens. There was something else I had to tell you. I can't think what it was, for the moment. It'll come back to me." Helen showed Karen through to the lounge, inviting her to take a seat and then retreating to fetch the coffee. When she returned, Karen informed her she had remembered what it was she had to tell her. "The man the police had in for questioning over Tricia's death was released because they didn't have enough evidence to hold him. But I got word this morning that he voluntarily went back to the station yesterday evening, ready to tell the police everything. I don't know any more yet but when I do, I'll be sure to let you know."

"You could tell Nikki yourself. You seem to get on with her. It just seems odd that you want it to keep going through me. I have a lot of other people to deal with as well. My job description does not stop at looking after Nikki's case." Karen was surprised by Helen's outburst.

"Nikki thinks of you as a friend. I thought it would be better coming from you, that's all. If you're too busy, of course I'll let Nikki know myself."

Helen rubbed her face before speaking again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I'm just tired and we have a lot to do with Nikki's appeal looming. I'm not sure we can spare the time to discuss the details of the crash as well." They decided to leave it with Karen, for the time being and Karen got up to go. Once she had closed the door, Helen was left feeling exposed and shaken by how close she had come to losing control.

Nikki spent much of her time in the garden that weekend, making the most of the fine weather. As she was potting up some seedlings in the potting shed that Sunday afternoon, she found herself day dreaming about Helen, worrying that she was looking after herself. She breathed a laugh, reminding her that she was, as always, trying to look after everyone else, but Helen was different. She seemed to need it at the minute, but would not let anyone close enough. Nikki was brought back to the present by voices outside the shed. She could not make out what was being said, but recognised both of the voices; Jim Fenner and Laura, her ex-cellmate. She busied herself not wanting to give Fenner any reason to send her back inside if he found her there and thought about warning Laura off him later. She decided against this though as she thought of all the grief she had been subjected to at her hands since she arrived. 'Nah, he's welcome to her. They're pretty well suited and it'll keep him off my case,' she mused. The conversation seemed to last for a long time, but broke off abruptly when Nikki dropped a trowel on the floor. The shed door was flung open and Jim Fenner's bulk filled the narrow entrance.

"What's going on in here? What are you up to Wade?" Fenner seemed even more aggressive than usual, making Nikki wonder what he had been discussing with Laura that he did not want overheard. She took only one guess and came to the conclusion she was the newest member of his fan-club.

"Nothing. I was just potting up these seedlings and I dropped the trowel, sir." Nikki thought the best way to play it was to give him no reason to attack her. He could not punish her without being able to account for his actions in a written report. Laura was hovering in the background, looking more nervous than when she had first arrived at Larkhall.

"I better get back, Mr Fenner. I have a class to go to. Thanks for the chat, it was very helpful." Laura spoke confidently to the senior officer who dismissively waved her away. She shot him a look which troubled Nikki as she turned to leave.

"Was there something else you wanted, sir? Only I have a lot to do before it is time to go in." Nikki tried to sound casual but was struggling to control her temper as Fenner refused to budge, remaining in the doorway watching.

"If you start spreading any malicious gossip about me and the new girl, Wade, I'll let everyone know just how friendly you and Miss Stewart really are."

"The thought had never crossed my mind. What's up got something to hide? And there's nothing going on between me and Helen Stewart. We're friends and she's helping me with my appeal, as you know. Can you not imagine any sort of relationship that does not involve sex?" Nikki could not resist the temptation to wind Fenner up, but knew she was on dangerous ground and so turned her attention back to her seedlings.

"One word from me, sweetheart, and your appeal will be history." Fenner turned and left the shed, leaving Nikki shaking at the thought of her chances being scuppered by him.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

Warning: This chapter deals with issues some readers might find sensitive - reader discretion advised.

**Shit Happens - Chapter Five**

Nikki was still wondering how Jim Fenner could ruin her chances of appeal when Laura walked into her cell, closing the door behind her quietly. Nikki looked up and sighed. She really was not in the mood for another one of their cryptic conversations where Laura had a barely concealed go at her.

"What did you hear in the garden before, Nikki? When Mr Fenner and I were talking outside the shed, what did you hear?" Laura had walked across the small space as she spoke so that she was directly in front of Nikki now, blocking any escape routes.

"Nothing. I knew you were there but I wasn't listening. It's none of my business what you and Fenner get up to, but I think it only fair to warn you his last plaything ended up in a mental hospital. Of course that was shortly after he assaulted her. But like I said it's really none of my business."

"You're right, it's not. And I have no intention of letting him use me, so don't you worry. And just in case you should happen to remember anything that was said out there, this is a gentle reminder of why I'm in here. If I ever find out you've been spreading gossip about me, you'd better watch your back 'cos one day I'll be behind you and I won't be talking then. You might get to find out how that policeman felt when you stuck a bottle in his neck." Laura did not wait to see Nikki's reaction before leaving the cell. Nikki slumped onto the edge of her bed, breathing hard unable to stop herself from shaking. She was reeling from the detailed knowledge Laura had about her crime as well as the unprovoked attack on her.

Nikki was relieved to see Helen walk through the gates on Monday morning, although she was not sure whether she should say anything about Laura to her. She seemed to have enough on her mind at the moment, but Nikki knew she would be hurt if she found out Nikki was having a problem and she had not asked for her help. She decided to wait and see how Helen was before choosing to tell her or not. Also, what could Nikki tell her? She wasn't sure what was going on herself and she had no proof of anything, so what could she actually accuse Laura of? Nikki shrugged off her thoughts and made her way down for breakfast, where she took a seat at the Julies' table. Yvonne Atkins was already there also and smiled as Nikki sat down.

"You alright love? You look a bit jumpy this morning." Yvonne placed a hand on Nikki's back, laughing as she jumped a mile. Just at that moment, Laura walked behind them and pretended to trip over the leg of Nikki's chair, spilling hot tea down her back in the process. Nikki jumped to her feet and swung round with the intention of punching Laura, but saw Helen walking onto the wing. She left the servery without a word, not waiting to see if Helen was following her. She threw her wet T-shirt across the room, angry with Laura and frustrated at how easy it would have been to react in exactly the way she had wanted. As she fetched a clean dry top, there was a knock on her door and Helen peered through the small gap.

"Are you alright? It didn't burn you, did it?" The rest of Helen's body appeared in the cell as she hurried to Nikki's side, genuinely concerned for her.

"I'm totally hopeless, Helen. You saw how close I came to hitting her then. Maybe they shouldn't let me out if all it takes is for someone to spill their drink on me before I try to hit them." Nikki decided against sharing her fears with Helen that this had been a deliberate attempt to wind her up or hurt her.

"Something tells me that that's not the only thing that's bothering you." It had not escaped Helen's attention that Nikki had failed to button up her shirt, exposing her breasts and firm skin to Helen. She longed to reach out and caress the semi-naked woman standing before her, but those thoughts also made her feel physically sick. She turned away as her stomach performed somersaults at the sight before her, also conscious of how it would appear should anyone walk in.

"Do I disgust you so much that you can't stand to look at me anymore? Why won't you just talk to me, Helen? What have I done that's so terrible? Look at me!" Nikki grabbed Helen's arms turning her round so that she was facing Nikki again. At Nikki's touch, Helen had tensed up and begun to shake uncontrollably. Nikki loosened her grip as she saw the fear that was written all over Helen's expressive face. "You're actually afraid of me? I can't believe it, after everything, you still don't trust me."

"Not everything is about you, Nikki. I do have a life outside of these walls." Helen regretted her words as soon as they had left her mouth. "I'm sorry, that was insensitive." She tried to reach out to Nikki, but her lover stormed past her, having angrily fastened her shirt, and left the cell.

Nikki was fuming at Helen's treatment of her. She knew how desperate Nikki was to be part of her world outside of these walls and Nikki felt like Helen was telling her that was something she could never have. She escaped to the garden, turning clods of earth over and breaking them up roughly, needing somewhere safe to work out her aggression.

Helen shut the door to her office behind her, leaning back against it. She felt a lump form in her throat as she closed her eyes and pictured Nikki walking away from her, clearly angry and hurt after their argument. It was still only Monday morning but she felt as though she needed a few days away to clear her head and regain some semblance of control over her life. Her knees were weak as she struggled to contain the tears and she slumped in her chair, fearing she would collapse if she did not sit down. How had things gone so wrong so quickly? Only a few weeks ago, Helen had been happier than she ever had. She had had a new job and was desperately in love, albeit with a woman, but she did not care about that. It had felt so right and so good. Then she had seen someone in her garden and things since then had gone from bad to worse. Helen shuddered as she recalled the events of last Monday night and gave in to the overwhelming need to cry. Nikki's had summed it all up, this was shit and Helen could see no way back from the deep pit of despair. She set her mind to solving the only part of the problem she could, resolving to build bridges with Nikki. She already felt alone, but up until now Nikki had still been there for her and that had been comforting to know. Now Helen was not sure that she would ever want to speak to her again. She wiped her face and, retrieving a mirror from her handbag, checked her make-up before making her way out to the prison gardens.

The garden had done little to improve Nikki's mood and so she had retreated to the library, escaping into a fictional world which did not share her problems. As she sat hunched over a table reading intently, she did not notice Laura walk by with Jim Fenner, heading for the garden.

Jim and Laura were talking in hushed tones as they passed through the gates leading outside. Helen met them in the garden and asked if either of them had seen Nikki.

"I think she's in the potting shed, Miss. I saw her go in there earlier." Laura lied, having seen Nikki in the library as they had passed. Jim had noticed too, but was curious to find out what Laura was up to and so played along. He watched Helen walk a safe distance before voicing his questions.

"What are you playing at? You know as well as I do that Nikki Wade is in the library. What are you planning?"

"You want to get rid of her don't you? Well leave it to me. Just make sure no one comes into the shed while we're in there. You never know, keep your ears open and you might hear something you can use yourself." Laura started after Helen catching up with her and making a play for her attention, asking about her appeal. She distracted Helen enough to bundle her into the shed and block the exit before she knew what was going on. Jim watched and then positioned himself outside the shed door, making sure he had a good view of the gardens. To onlookers it would appear perfectly normal and Jim could be sure to hear anything that was said in the shed.

"What's going on? Where's Nikki? Look I think you better get out of my way before you do something stupid. Mr Fenner must still be nearby, do you think he will stand by if something happens? Do you really trust him that much?" Helen did not like the gleam in Laura's eyes and was frantically trying to locate something she could defend herself with if necessary.

"I just want a quiet word with you. You never seem to have time for anyone but Nikki indoors. I had to get your attention somehow."

"I'm sorry if it appears like that, we just have a lot to discuss about Nikki's appeal."

"Is that all it is Miss Stewart? I mean that's not the impression my friend got the other night in your garden. He seems to think you admitted to him on tape that you're shagging her. Tell me if he's lying, 'cos I won't pay him if he is and he better hope he's good at hiding."

"What do you want from me? Why are you doing this?"

"Oh it's not you I want to hurt, love. No, it's Nikki. You've seen my file, I'm surprised you haven't picked up on it yet. But then I suppose you've had other things on your mind haven't you? The policeman that Nikki killed was my father." Helen's face turned pale, a look of horror fixed on it. "That's right, Gossard. I heard she was appealing from a friend, didn't I Jim?" The door swung open and Jim filled the doorway, swinging the wooden door shut again behind him. "Jim and my dad go way back. They were golfing buddies before that dyke bitch stabbed him. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. If the law wouldn't keep her where she belongs, I'd make sure she never got free. Tracing Tricia was a bit of a problem though. I had to do a bit of digging for that one. I figured with her out of the way, Nikki would drop the whole thing but I didn't bank on your influence."

"I think you've said enough now, Laura. Just tell her what you want and let's get out of here before someone starts to get suspicious."

"What's the matter Jim? Scared I'll drop you in it? You see I was watching you as a favour to Jim. He'd got me information so I said I'd keep tabs on you, put the frighteners on you a bit. Then I figured I could kill two birds with one stone when I realised how cosy you and Wade were. If I got you to admit to an affair with her on tape, I'd have something to use to bargain with. Of course by then I'd been banged up, so I had to get someone else to do it for me. I'd be guessing he's pretty pissed right now. I was supposed to pay him last Wednesday. Stupid git sent the tapes though. Four copies. One for Jim to keep, one for you - so you know I'm not bluffing - and two to send to your bosses if you don't do as I ask."

"Just tell me what you want from me." Helen knew she was in trouble but there was no way she could fight her way out, not with both of them standing in her way.

"I want you to convince Nikki she hasn't got a cat in hell's chance with her appeal, or at least carry on convincing her she's got nothing to get out for. I couldn't have expected a better job if I'd asked you to make her feel there's no point in it! I want her here where I can make her pay for what she's done. And if you even think about getting her transferred, I'll not only send the tapes off, but I'll send someone after you too. Don't forget, I know where you live and Mr Fenner here has all sorts of access to records. You can't hide from me, so you may as well do as I say. That way, you have my word that I'll leave you alone."

"You really know how to pick them don't you, Jim? First Shell Dockley and now this charmer. I'm surprised though, isn't she a bit intelligent for you?" Jim flew at Helen, knocking her back into the bench. He grabbed her arms and forced her round so that she was face down, pinned under his strong grip.

"Listen to me, if I were you, I'd be very nice to me right now. I'm the only one who could stop her killing you if she wanted to, because don't think that won't do the trick. We both know with you out of the way, Nikki would never consider an appeal. You've already cost me my marriage, stirring things up with Dockley so don't blame me for taking drastic action."

"You must be really desperate if you're not getting it at home or in here!" Helen could not help herself, angry that she had allowed herself to be put in this position, but more angry with her two captors.

"I'll leave you to have fun. Jim try not to make a mess with her. She's all yours. Just remember what I've said or you'll be getting a visit from a friend of mine, again." Laura checked the coast was clear and then left the shed, smiling smugly at having exacted revenge on Nikki in such a fitting manner. Closing the door, she heard Helen cry out as Jim handcuffed her hands behind her back. She walked away as Jim raped Helen violently, the bench winding her with each thrust as she was slammed into its edge. When he had finished, he removed the handcuffs and stepped back.

"Thanks for that Helen, it's been a while." He laughed as he left the shed leaving Helen in a crumpled heap on the floor, totally shocked by what had just happened.

To Be Continued….


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

E-mail me: liz_

**Shit Happens - Chapter Six**

Nikki found that reading was not helping either and so made her back out to the garden. She was in desperate need of some fresh air. As she passed through the gates to the garden, she saw Fenner leaving from the opposite side looking exceedingly pleased with himself. She marched to the potting shed to take refuge in case he decided to return. Swinging the door open, she froze as saw the dishevelled state of Helen, who was cowering in the corner, shaking and hugging her knees to her. Suddenly Nikki sprang into action, rushing across the tiny shed and crouching in front of Helen.

"Oh my God, what happened? Helen, can you hear me?" Nikki's instinct was to reach out to Helen but her touch seemed to cause Helen great distress. "I'm going to go and fetch someone. Stay here, please?" Helen reached out and grabbed Nikki's wrist as she turned to leave.

"No Nikki, don't please. Just help me inside." Helen looked up at Nikki, her eyes glazed and misty with tears and shock. Nikki carefully supported Helen as she struggled to her feet, pausing momentarily to allow her to straighten herself out as best she could. Nikki went to place her arm through Helen's for the walk back but Helen shrugged her off, fearful of the questions it would raise.

"At least say you'll come back to my cell and talk to me there. I need to know there'll be help there if we need it. And it's closer, so you won't have to walk as far. You look awful, no offence." Helen was about to protest, but was stopped by the look of concern on Nikki's face. So she nodded meekly and they made their way slowly towards the wing, Helen still struggling to breathe after the assault. The wing was surprisingly quiet, with most of the inmates in classes and the officers on duty, finding something of interest in their office, congregating inside the small room.

Once inside her cell, Nikki guided Helen to the bed, helping her to sit on it's edge. Helen winced as her body bent and felt her head swim from pain and lack of oxygen. She knew she was hyperventilating but could not seem to catch her breath. Nikki sensed Helen's pain and fetched her a cup of water, waiting patiently for Helen to regain enough breath to talk about what had happened.

"Where does it hurt, Helen? Show me, please." Nikki was pleading with her lover to let her help. Helen shook her head, seeming to pass out momentarily. Nikki moved to lift the edges of Helen's blouse so that she could see but Helen recovered and batted at her hands, warning her off looking beneath. Nikki persisted, telling Helen that if she did not let her look, she would be forced to fetch someone else. Admitting defeat, Helen began to undo her blouse, shuddering at the touch of the material against her tender midriff. She allowed Nikki to carefully reveal her skin, which was now covered in angry red marks stretching across the width of her stomach. Nikki let her head drop at the sight and caught a glimpse of more bruising, scratches and traces of blood on Helen's legs and thighs. "Oh God no! Please tell me it's not what I think it is. Talk to me Helen."

"Hold me, please…I can't stop shaking. Do what you do best Nikki, make it all go away." Helen's voice barely rose above a whisper as she pleaded for comfort. Nikki sat next to Helen, gently pulling her to her, stroking her face tenderly.

"I need to know what it is to make it go away. I need you to tell me." Helen nodded forlornly. Ignoring her pain, she snuggled into Nikki's neck suddenly feeling protected and safe from whatever the world could throw at her.

"I'm…. we're in trouble Nikki. Someone knows about us, they have my confession on tape and they're threatening to use it against us unless you drop your appeal. They spoke to me in the shed just before you came in. Things got a little out of hand. There were two of them and I couldn't do anything. I should've kept my mouth shut but he was winding me up."

"Who? Who was winding you up? What exactly is going on?" Nikki's voice was a mixture of panic and rage at the thought of someone blackmailing Helen and worse.

"Fenner and Laura trapped me in the shed. She said she wants you here where she can get to you. I should have made the connection before, I knew the name was familiar but I couldn't see it." Tears were streaming down Helen's face as she sobbed uncontrollably whilst trying to explain what was happening. None of it was making any sense to Nikki yet and so she decided to try to structure Helen's account.

"Let's start with what happened in the shed, Helen. You can explain the rest later. For now, what happened before. You said they trapped you in the shed, why? What did they do to you?"

"Laura wanted me to get you to drop your appeal, that's all she wanted, but Fenner was getting off on it. He was blaming me for his marriage breaking up and for Shell Dockley being shipped out, getting really worked up. Laura left so there was just him and me. He had me bent over the workbench with my hands cuffed behind my back." Helen paused taking as deep a breath as she could before whispering, "He raped me, Nikki." With that Helen gave in to her emotions and Nikki held her as heart wrenching sobs wracked her fragile body. Helen's tears were more than equally matched by Nikki's who was torn between wanting to comfort Helen and wanting to find Fenner and kill him. In reality, she knew there was no choice to be made. Helen needed her and Fenner would be dealt with when the truth came out about what he had done. She sat rocking Helen back and forth, stroking a hand through her hair in an effort to comfort the distraught young woman. Eventually, Helen stopped crying and was still, nestling in Nikki's arms. Her breathing had evened out and Nikki realised she had fallen asleep. Carefully, Nikki stood and laid Helen gently back on the bed, avoiding sudden movements for fear of waking or hurting her. For a while she sat beside the bed, stroking Helen's cheek and whispering to her when she started to stir and get restless. All the while, Nikki was contemplating the best course of action. She wanted to get word to Karen Betts, but did not want to risk running into Fenner or Laura, nor did she want to leave Helen on her own. After what seemed like an age, Nikki poked her head out of her cell door and was relieved to see Dominic McAllister walking towards her.

"Mr McAllister, have you got a moment? I really need to see Miss Betts now, but I need her to come here. I can't go to the office. It's really urgent." Dominic answered with a puzzled stare and Nikki beckoned him inside the cell for further explanation. She found it was not needed when he caught sight of the sleeping Miss Stewart.

"I'll go and fetch her right away. I'll lock the door so you're not disturbed." He turned to leave.

"Thanks, listen don't mention this to anyone, especially Jim Fenner, please?" Dominic nodded and left locking the door behind him. The sound caused Helen to stir once again and Nikki was instantly by her side soothing her brow, whispering to her until she settled again. It was not long before the latch opened on Nikki's door opened and Karen Betts let herself in. Upon hearing a key in the door, Nikki had risen to her feet defensively, ready in case it was anyone other than the Governor.

"What's going on Nikki? Mr McAllister said you wanted to see me urgently. Why couldn't you come to the office?" Nikki had placed herself deliberately between the bed and the doorway so that Helen was obscured from view. She motioned for Karen to close the door and then stepped aside to reveal Helen sleeping soundly in Nikki's small cot.

"This is going to take a lot of explaining and I don't think Helen's up to it right now, but I don't know what to do for the best. She has just been attacked by that bastard Fenner outside in the potting shed. He raped her." Nikki's words were whispered but there was no mistaking the venom they carried. "I found Miss Stewart on the floor when I went out about twenty minutes ago. She wouldn't let me fetch anyone else so I brought her back here. She explained some of what's been going on to me but I'm not really any the wiser, it was all a bit confused. Then she fell asleep. You asked me to trust you and tell you if I found out anything I thought you should know. Well, I think you should know that your Principal Officer is a rapist and that my ex-cellmate is trying to blackmail Helen, over what I'm not sure." Throughout Nikki's speech, Karen's eyes had been transfixed on the face of the sleeping Helen, her heart breaking and her head reeling at the accusations being relayed. As Nikki finished, Helen stirred and cried out, suddenly sitting bolt upright in the bed, fresh tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Nikki!"

"Sshh, sshh it's alright, I'm here. You're safe now. No one can hurt you now." Karen remained silent, watching Helen cling to Nikki as though her life depended upon it. Although she could understand Helen's distress, it troubled Karen that it had seemed natural to Helen to call out for Nikki. Once Helen had regained her composure a little, Karen made her presence felt, sensing that there was a long story to be told before the full truth of the situation would come out. She also needed to hear Helen say that Jim had assaulted her for to be able to do anything and the sooner that happened the better as far as Karen was concerned, assuming it was true.

"Helen, I realise this is difficult for you right now, but I need you to tell me what happened." Helen looked at Karen with genuine surprise, not having realised she was there before and then switched her gaze to Nikki. The hurt in her eyes was replaced with a look of fear and disappointment.

"Nikki, you shouldn't have involved anyone else. I can't explain it to them without losing you." Tears welled once more in her deep, soulful eyes.

"You have to trust Miss Betts, Helen. She'll know the right thing to do. You have to tell her, you can't let him get away with this." Sensing that this was going to be even more serious than she had first thought, Karen suggested that they continue in her office. Nikki agreed and stood ready to go but Helen was frozen to the spot.

"I can't go out there again, what if he's there? I can't face him or the others."

"Okay, tell me what he did to you, say the words and I'll have him removed and the wing locked down until further notice." Karen reassured Helen. "You won't have to see anyone you don't want to."

Taking a faltering breath, Helen said, "Jim Fenner raped me in the potting shed earlier today." With that Karen turned and disappeared through the door. After a few minutes there was a cacophony of noise as the inmates were rounded up and ushered back to their cells, without explanation. An officer had been posted outside Nikki's door, with explicit instructions not to let anyone except Miss Betts in. It seemed like hours passed between Karen's exit and her return. Nikki and Helen sat in consolatory silence, wrapped in each others arms. The quiet in the cell was only pierced by the occasional sharp intake of breath from Helen as she moved and felt pain from her injuries. Even the noise still emanating from the rest of the inmates could not break into the heavy air in the confined space. When Karen returned, she poked her head around the door and gave them the all clear to walk to her office safe in the knowledge that they would be unobserved. She had even taken the unusual step of ordering all personnel into the office so that there could be no chance of them watching Helen's departure from the wing.

"Okay would you like a drink of water or something before we start?" Karen hovered at her door as she ushered Nikki and Helen into her office. Helen shook her head, wanting to get it over and done with yet at the same time dreading having to go through everything. She knew she would have to explain everything, things that Nikki had not heard before and she worried how she would react.

"I'd rather just get on with it, please. Let's just get it done." Helen lower lip trembled as she looked down as she wrung her hands in her lap. "I'm not really sure where to begin but I guess the best place would be last week." She took another breath and reached for Nikki's hand before continuing, as Karen took her place in the chair in front of Helen. "Last Monday night after I got home from work, I thought I noticed someone in the backyard. I went out to see who was there, I know it was stupid but it was instinct. There was a man standing by the shed. He threatened…he grabbed me and held a knife to my throat. He said he knew things about me that could be used against me and would be if I didn't do as he told me to. He said that he knew I… Karen, there's something else you need to know….Nikki and I are more than just friends…I love her, we're in love." She paused to let this sink in, squeezing Nikki's hand. Nikki fixed her gaze on a spot just beyond her feet, not wanting to see the Governor's reaction. Her heart had leapt at the admission that Helen loved her. It had been the first time she had actually said the words. "The man said that he knew about me and Nikki, he forced me to admit it. I thought he was going to kill me. He relaxed a bit once I admitted it but suddenly started saying I had to prove it. He got really….agitated and aggressive. I said I couldn't prove it. He pushed me to the floor…" Helen's voice trailed off as she closed her eyes, shuddering involuntarily at the image her words were conjuring up. With tears beginning to trickle down her face again, she continued, "he raped me." Both Nikki and Karen's head snapped up, focusing solely on Helen as she spoke. Nikki's heart broke as she realised to her horror that Fenner's actions in the potting shed meant that her lover had been raped twice in a week. Karen was having a little difficulty keeping up with the conversation as she tried to take in the enormity of the situation. Helen sat silently, her eyes still closed as she waited for some sort of reaction. It was Karen who eventually broke the silence, needing clarification.

"I don't understand, why did he want you to admit it if he already knew something was going on? And how does this relate to today?"

"He was working for someone in here, for someone who has a very serious grudge. He needed me to admit to our relationship on tape so that it could be used to blackmail me into doing as they asked."

"Who is this person? And what were they wanting you to do?"

Before speaking, Helen gripped Nikki's arm tighter expecting a reaction to her words. "It's Laura, Laura Gossard." Nikki surprised Helen by nodding frantically.

"It makes sense now. She's had it in for me since she arrived and she seemed to know an awful lot about my case, too. But why come after you Helen? I don't get it. How did she know about us before arriving here?"

"Sorry am I being a little slow here? What makes sense now? I'm confused, why does Laura have a grudge against you Nikki?"

"Because I killed her father. The policeman I killed was DC Gossard."

"She came after me because Jim Fenner had asked her to intimidate me, following me watching my house that kind of thing in return for information about you. He told her about his suspicions about our relationship. She wanted to get at you through me. She thought that with Tricia out of the way you'd drop the appeal, but then she realised you still had something to get out for. She wanted me to get you to drop the appeal, that's what she spoke to me about in the shed earlier."

"What does Tricia have to do with this? What do you mean with her 'out of the way'?" Nikki's mind was racing struggling to digest everything being thrown at her.

"Laura accosted me in the garden earlier when I was looking for you. I wanted to apologise, I was distracted and she trapped me in the shed. Fenner was outside at first. Laura explained to me how she had tracked down Tricia and hired someone to kill her and make it look like an accident." This was getting too much for Nikki to handle. She went to get to her feet, but Helen pulled her back down, wanting her close until she had heard everything. "She also said that Jim knew Gossard before he died. They used to play golf together. He had asked her to intimidate me, have someone watch my house, make phone calls that kind of thing. When he let slip to her his suspicions about my relationship with Nikki, she saw an opportunity to get to you through me. She wanted to make you drop your appeal and now she wants to keep you in here. She told me if I didn't she'd send copies of the tape to Mr Stubberfield and Area Management. She gave me this copy to show she wasn't bluffing." Helen placed the tape on the desk beside Karen and bowed her head. Nikki stroked her thumb over the back of Helen's hand as Karen pressed Helen to continue with her explanation.

"When Laura threatened me, I said something to Jim. I wanted to try and provoke him into doing something that would give me a chance to get out. Instead he told me he was the only one stopping her from killing me and pinned me against the bench. Laura laughed and left, telling him to do what he liked with me." Helen could not bring herself to say the words again and she began to sob. Nikki threw her arms around Helen's shoulders, ignoring the daggers look from Karen. "He said it was my fault that his marriage was over, that I'd stirred things up with Michelle Dockley. He handcuffed me and he….he raped me." Helen was unable to say anything further, as all the emotions she had been keeping below the surface during the previous week, overflowed. She buried her face in Nikki's neck and clung to her desperately needing to find solace and understanding.

"I'll call the police. Laura will be in segregation on the Block until she is transferred and I'll speak to Simon, explain the situation with Jim Fenner. Nikki, I'll have an officer take you back to your cell and wait with you until we can be guaranteed you are safe. I've no doubt the police will want to talk to you too in time."

"Please, let me stay here. Just until the police arrive. Once the truth is out, I won't see Helen again for a long time, you and I both know that. They're not going to grant my appeal once it gets out and I know that I may never be let out. We're not harming anyone and look at her. Are you really going to force me to leave her in this state?" Karen looked from Nikki to Helen, considering the lifer's heartfelt plea. Karen softened as she saw their obvious distress at the thought of being separated. She also knew that Nikki would be more difficult than ever if she was not allowed to see Helen anymore.

"There may be a way to stop anyone from finding out that it is the truth."

To be Continued…..


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

E-mail me: liz_

**Shit Happens - Chapter Seven**

Karen had both Nikki and Helen's undivided attention, now. "You say the man who got the confession had a knife at your throat? Well, you could say that you were only telling him what he wanted to hear, fearing for your safety. The only other evidence they have is hearsay and rumour, isn't it? If you say the confession was obtained under duress, it will be ruled inadmissible."

"I don't know if it'll work. I didn't tell the police about being blackmailed when I saw them last Tuesday. They'll probably think I've got something to hide, now."

"So that's where you were on Tuesday. I wish you'd told me the truth. OK maybe I couldn't have done anything practical, but I could have been there for you."

"I didn't want to think about what had happened, Nikki, and I felt like I'd betrayed you by admitting to our relationship on tape."

"You didn't betray me. Any sane person would have done the same. No secret's worth dying for."

"So are we going to tell them it's not true then? That you only said what you did because he had a knife? That way you can still see each other and Nikki, your chances of appeal aren't damaged. There's no point in everyone losing out in this." Karen raised an eyebrow expectantly, not caring that Helen and Nikki, and now herself, were playing a dangerous game.

"Are you sure?" Helen was wary of her replacement's motives, which given the events of the last few weeks was hardly surprising.

"If you care enough about Nikki to leave your job for her then it's obviously worth giving it a shot. You've come too far to have it all taken away now." Nikki and Helen looked at one another and nodded a silent agreement. "OK wait here while I make a few phone calls." Karen left the room, fully aware that she would be leaving to two lovers alone, but didn't think that either of them was in any state of mind to leap on the other.

The police had arrived quickly and escorted Helen to the local station to be examined and to give her statement. Another police officer had stayed with Nikki, taking her statement and asking endless questions, double checking every detail. Helen and Nikki had made sure they both knew what the other was going to say before the police had arrived so that they could keep up the pretence that there was nothing but friendship between them. Jim Fenner had been arrested and was being questioned thoroughly. Laura was transferred to another prison with the promise of her sentence being extended as details of her involvement in Tricia's death and attempted blackmail of a Prison Service Professional came to light. G-wing was buzzing that evening as rumours spread rapidly about the departure of Jim Fenner and Laura Gossard and about Nikki and Helen's involvement in it. Nikki was glad that Karen had not argued when she asked to be locked in her cell, she could not face all the inquisitive stares and demanding questions. She had had enough of answering questions and she felt exhausted as the events of the last two weeks caught up with her. She only left her cell once, to phone Helen to make sure she was OK. She hated to think of her on her own when she needed someone there with her. Their phone call had been brief as Nikki's phone card was running low, but they had said all that was necessary to one another. Helen had assured Nikki that she would be fine and would return to work after a few days. Nikki had told her she would phone again when she could and that she would be thinking of her, how she wished she could be there with her. Helen had replied that she may well be able to join her soon, if her appeal was successful. Nikki was always downhearted when it came to 'ifs', but Helen had assured her that her reaction to the situation that had arisen that day would work in her favour, showing she had a great deal more control over her temper than in the past. Both slept that evening better than they could have imagined, feeling more united and stronger than before.

The approach to the day of Nikki's appeal was upon them before they knew it. Nikki's case was looking stronger and stronger as they learnt more of DC Gossard's violent history and the reasons for Laura wanting to keep Nikki from appealing. They found that she had every reason not to want his past investigated. Her father had intimidated a number of WPCs and his own wife had cited mental and physical cruelty as a reason for divorce resulting in a restraining order against him. It became clear that Laura had always idolised her father and resented her mother for keeping them apart, choosing to ignore the signs of abuse at his hands. Mrs Gossard had agreed to act as a character witness for Nikki's defence team and one of the WPCs he had assaulted and intimidated had also agreed to give evidence if the judge felt there was enough doubt to order a retrial. Nikki did not dare to get her hopes up too much, knowing she would not be able to cope if all this failed, but she was growing increasingly confident of her chances. Her case was also proving popular with the Press. There was a media feeding frenzy around her lawyer's office, with newspapers and television reporters hoping to grab the latest news about the possible release of a 'lesbian cop-killer', especially as she was the only woman serving life for killing a police officer. Details of the case were being carefully guarded so that it would not affect Nikki's chances or compromise her appeal in anyway.

All through the preparations for Nikki's appeal, she worried that Helen was not dealing with the events that had transpired during those horrific two weeks. She had thrown herself into her work, returning to Larkhall after just a few days compassionate leave and refused to talk about what had happened. She claimed to want to put it in the past and move on, ignoring Nikki's warnings that if she did not deal with it she would never be able to move on. After a while Nikki stopped trying to force the issue, seeing that she was getting nowhere and resolved to be there after her appeal to pick up the pieces. She was sure Helen would fall apart once she did not have Nikki's appeal to focus on and hide behind. She wanted more than anything to be able to be there for her properly, not just when they could grab five minutes in Larkhall, especially now that Karen had engineered so that they were never alone together at Simon Stubberfield's insistence.

On the morning of her appeal, Nikki sat up from where she had been dozing for the last hour or so. She had got little sleep that night, nerves, excitement and apprehension all playing havoc with her mind and stomach. She dashed to the toilet, convinced she was going to be sick, her stomach had taken on a life of it's own and wanted out of her body. Helen was experiencing similar emotions as she tried to choose what to wear to court. Her heart was pounding and she could not stop shaking as pure adrenaline raced around her veins. Thoughts that by the end of the day Nikki could be free were making her frustrated. She wanted the day to be going a lot faster than it seemed to be doing. For Nikki it was going too fast. She was terrified of hearing the judge send her back to prison with no chance of early release and having to accept that she would not be free until she was at least 50, if ever. She was also terrified of the prospect of being free. She did not know what to expect, or what was waiting for her on the other side of the walls. It had been three years since she had set foot outside the prison, having served two years on remand before being sentenced and her previous life now seemed an age away. Finishing getting dressed in the new suit Helen had sent in for her, she heard a key in the lock. The door swung open and Bodybag ordered Nikki out for breakfast. Nikki chuckled, that was one thing she would not miss if she was let out.

She made her way down to the canteen. There was an air of excitement during breakfast, with many of the women wishing Nikki luck. 'Everyone who gets out of here gets out for all of us.' Nikki's words to Monica on the morning of her appeal came back to her as she felt all the goodwill and hope of the women directed towards her. Nikki chose to sit with the two Julies, Yvonne and Denny, who since Shell's departure and under Yvonne's guidance had grown into a sensible, controlled young lady. She was sulking a little that morning as Nikki joined them due to her girlfriend, Shaz, being sent to the block after winding up Bodybag once too often. Her mood soon brightened as Nikki sat down and the conversation turned towards the chances of her getting out. Denny wished Nikki all the best before wandering off to join a game of pool.

"You'll keep in touch, won't ya Nikki?" Julie S enquired, desperately wanting Nikki to be freed, but knowing she would be missed.

"Won't ya?" Julie J echoed her friend. Nikki suppressed her laughter at this routine of finishing each others sentences she had become accustomed to and realised that she would miss them.

"Course I will. But I've not gone yet, I might be back again this afternoon."

"Not a chance, love. After everything that's gone on, it's bleedin' obvious that he was asking for it. It was only a matter of time and if it hadn't been you it would've been someone else." Yvonne assured Nikki. They chatted for a while longer, Nikki pushing what constituted prison food around her plate unable to eat for nerves. Then Dominic appeared beside the table.

"Are you ready to get your stuff, Nikki. The van will be here in about ten minutes so we'd better get you checked out. Let's hope for the last time." Nikki was touched and a little shocked at Dominic's compassion towards her and felt herself choking on a lump forming in her throat. She smiled and stood to go to her cell, tears springing to her eyes. Gathering her belongings, neatly packed into a regulation plastic bag, she headed back down to the gates to say what she hoped were her final goodbyes to friends on the wing. After much hugging and promises to write soon, she was escorted to the waiting van. She paused before getting in, looking round at the place that had been her home for the last three years.

Helen sat impatiently at traffic lights, willing them to change as she glanced at the neon clock on her dashboard. She still had plenty of time but was determined not to arrive on the last minute. She drove slightly faster than she knew she should but was on edge and desperate to get to the court. She arrived and found a parking space and then went in search of the right courtroom. There were a large number of journalists waiting on the front steps for a chance to speak to Nikki's lawyer before the appeal was heard and then for a chance to speak to Nikki herself if she was released. Helen pushed through them without being bothered. None of them realised who she was for which she was thankful. She did not feel able to string together a coherent sentence such was her anxiety. As she reached the doorway she heard the Press begin to shout questions in a cacophony of noise. Turning she realised that Nikki's lawyer had arrived and was trying to push her way through the dense crowd of photographers and journalists surrounding her. Helen slipped into the courthouse before the lawyer saw her and drew attention to her. It was a few minutes later when she finally managed to join Helen inside the large modern building. Helen was happy to follow Nikki's lawyer, Claire Harris, to the right courtroom, saving her the hassle of asking anyone. Claire then disappeared down to the cell where Nikki was being held. There were twenty minutes before Nikki's case was due to be called and Claire wanted to make final checks with Nikki and see that she was alright.

The minutes were soon over and Nikki entered the dock, her eyes immediately searching for Helen. She relaxed a little as she caught sight of her in the public gallery. For the remainder of the hearing Nikki kept her eyes firmly to the front of the courtroom, looking suitably remorseful. The hearing seemed to last for an eternity as Nikki's lawyer outlined her case and presented the basis for the appeal. The judge called for a short recess while he deliberated what to do and then Nikki was back in the dock growing increasingly nervous. Claire had assured her that it had gone well and that there was nothing more they could do to convince the judge, but that did nothing to calm her nerves or still her rapidly beating heart. Nikki gripped the handrail for support as the judge delivered his verdict.

To Be Continued…


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

E-mail me: liz_

**Shit Happens - Chapter Eight**

Nikki's head reeled as she heard what the judge was saying. The police officer standing with Nikki in the dock guided her to the seat, afraid the she was going to pass out.

"Well, I've seen some reactions to verdicts but that's a new one on me!" Claire stood in front of the dock, peering over at Nikki. "We've done the hard part, Nikki. Let's get you sorted out and to your new home." Nikki raised her head still trying to comprehend that she was free to go. The judge had seen fit to order a re-trial and decided that Nikki had shown she was not a threat to society and could be granted bail as long as she agreed to take part in a trial of electronic tagging. As she realised what was happening she spun around in her seat, searching for Helen but the gallery was clearing and she was obscured from view. Nikki was escorted from the dock. She had a curfew order placed on her, restricting her movements a little but nothing could dampen the euphoria of being free to walk away from the courthouse. Helen was waiting for her in the lobby and hugged her briefly.

"Congratulations Nikki, I can't believe that you're finally free. It's fantastic. What happens now?" The question was directed at Nikki's lawyer who was standing surveying the frenzied crowd of Press waiting just beyond the heavy doors of the courthouse.

"We get Nikki to the hostel and she'll be fitted with the electronic tag there. Then, she will be allowed to do what she likes until the curfew. After that she will have to remain at the hostel." Helen was a little disappointed, she had imagined being able to whisk Nikki off to her house and demand that she keep her promise to make love to her all night long.

"Is she allowed visitors during the curfew hours?" Nikki caught Helen's full meaning and stifled a giggle, finding something of great interest on the floor at her feet and blushing madly.

"That'll be up to the hostel owner, but I shouldn't think it'll be a problem. As long as you leave at a reasonable hour and don't disturb anyone else I don't think they really care what you do." Claire seemed blissfully unaware of Helen and Nikki's relationship and didn't understand that Helen was asking if she would be able to spend the night with her lover. "Anyway Nikki, are you ready to face the lions?"

"As ready as I'll ever be, I guess." Nikki grimaced as she saw the reporters waiting for her to emerge. She didn't want to make a statement but knew she was going to have to say something.

"I'd better go. See you soon, Nikki. Take care of yourself and be good." Helen leaned in to embrace Nikki again, whispering in her ear, "I can't be seen leaving with you but I'll come to see you later, I promise." Helen turned and shook Claire's hand thanking her for all the work she had put into making the appeal a success and then left the courthouse. As the doors swung open, the crowd looked up expectantly turning away again when they saw Helen skip through and down the steps.

"Shall we go then?" Nikki nodded and clutching her belongings in front of her like a shield started to make her way towards the door and the awaiting Press. Nikki's confidence of old was replaced with trepidation and uncertainty about what lay ahead and how to deal with her freedom. She had imagined this moment many times, playing out scenarios in her mind but it still could not prepare her for the reality. Claire led the way through the doors pausing at the top of the steps as the reporters began to swarm and flashbulbs blinded both of them. Amid all the noise Nikki struggled to hear a single question being asked. She felt the urge to just bolt but her feet would not comply. Claire sensed her trouble and took charge of the situation, making a statement on behalf of Nikki. Nikki added a very brief comment to the end of Claire's speech, thanking her friends and lawyer who had shown great faith in her. She resisted the temptation to voice her scathing opinion of the Prison Service, realising that until the verdict was delivered in the re-trial, she was not home and dry. The last thing she wanted was to alienate people and increase her chances of being locked away again. As the reporters began to shout their questions again, Claire ushered Nikki through the crowd to the waiting car. Climbing in they sped away to Nikki's new home, at least for the moment.

The whole of G-Wing gathered around the television that afternoon, waiting to here the outcome of Nikki's appeal. The whole wing erupted when the report came on, cheering and whooping. Even Dominic was happy for Nikki, knowing it meant so much to her. He also thought he knew how much it meant to Helen, and he was pleased that her first case in charge of a lifer had been a success. Since hearing about Fenner's attack on her, Dominic had been torn between wanting to go to Helen, offering support, and knowing that she would almost undoubtedly rather not have a man around. He had resolved to wait and bide his time, deciding he would know when it was right because he would have no doubts or conflicts of conscience.

Helen was also sat glued to the television screen as the report was aired. She felt pangs of longing and a need to mother Nikki as she saw how vulnerable and lost she appeared. She rooted around in her bag trying to find the scrap of paper Karen had written Nikki's new address on. The place at the hostel had been reserved before the appeal was heard and confirmed after the verdict had been delivered. She finally found what she was looking for and read and re-read what was written on it, making sure she knew exactly where her lover was. She was desperate to join her, now that they could finally be together and knowing that, if the re-trial did not find in Nikki's favour, that time could be limited.

Nikki had wasted no time in making herself at home once the tag had been fitted and she been left in piece. Even though the hostel was not exactly a des-res apartment, it was luxury compared to the cockroach infested cells of Larkhall. She was surprised at how bulky the tag was and thought it to be a nuisance, but at least it meant she was not being sent back to prison to await the re-trial. She looked out of her small window on to the road before venturing out of her room to find the payphone. Slipping coins into the machine, she dialled Helen's number.

Helen was in the kitchen wondering if she could be bothered cooking when she heard the phone ring. She guessed that it would be Nikki calling to see if she was going to go and see her. She raced to the phone in the hall, snatching up the receiver.

"Not bad, darling, it only took two rings for you to answer!" Sure enough it was Nikki's voice on the other end of the phone. "Anyone would think you were expecting an important call."

"Oh I am, but you'll do for now, I guess." Helen giggled into the phone as she heard Nikki 'tut'. "How are you settling in? Are you wired up to the mains?"

"Why don't you come and see for yourself?"

"I'll be round in about 20 minutes. Is that OK?" Helen felt butterflies growing in her stomach as she arranged to go to Nikki.

"Sure, I'm looking forward to it already. Oh and Helen, can you bring something to celebrate with, I've only got water here."

"Have you eaten?"

"No, I've got no food either. I think shopping will be the first port of call tomorrow after I've been to the police station." As a condition of Nikki's bail she had to present herself to the police everyday at a certain time. The restrictions being placed on her were taking the edge off her happiness a little as she felt as though she was still a prisoner, just the prison was a lot bigger now.

"How about I pick up a take away on my way over? What do you fancy?"

"Apart from you, fish and chips will do me fine. Anything will be better than the muck they served inside."

"I might be a bit later then but I'll be there as soon as I can."

"'Bye, Helen and thanks for everything, y'know today and in the past. I love you."

"See you in a bit Nikki. I love you, too." Helen replaced the receiver in its cradle hoping Nikki hadn't heard how choked she was when Nikki had thanked her. She didn't know why, but she had felt tears burning her eyes.

Nikki walked away from the phone deciding she needed to freshen up for Helen's arrival, but she didn't have time for a shower. She decided against it hoping to persuade Helen to join her after dinner. She made do with a quick wash and set about making herself presentable and clearing a space for them to sit. She had to borrow plates, knives and forks from the ogre in charge of the hostel and explained that she was having a friend over for dinner. The woman looked at her as if she had just confessed to practising cannibalism, but made no comment demanding the return of the cutlery in the morning. The woman's manner reminded Nikki of Sylvia Hollamby, the same bullish attitude. Nikki smiled realising she would quite possibly never have to see old Bodybag again. Her smile faded as she realised she would not see her friends either, but she was sure she would be able to cope and would have many distractions to stop her missing them too much.

Helen peered through her windscreen looking up at the dark door trying to make out the house number on it. Satisfied that this was the right place, she found a spare parking space and made her way up the front steps cradling a bottle of white wine and a bag of fish and chips for them both. Knocking on the door, she was greeted by a formidable looking woman in her late forties, hair swept back harshly from her craggy face. She asked to see Nikki Wade, somewhat intimidated by the physical presence of this woman. She was ushered inside and asked to wait. A few moments later the woman reappeared with a book which she asked Helen to sign and instructed her what time she was expected to leave by. The list of instructions seemed endless to Helen, who kept shifting the bag of food as it got too hot in one position. She half expected it to be stone cold by the time she finally got to see Nikki. Helen was escorted up to Nikki's room and the woman began to relate the instructions to Nikki as well. Helen disappeared into the sparse room, dishing up the food and looking around for a couple of glasses or something to put the wine in. When Nikki finally got rid of the supervisor, she closed the door rolling her eyes heavenward.

"I thought she'd never go. Come and get it while it's still at least warm. Have you got another cup?" Helen had located one cup in Nikki's bathroom and was scanning for another.

"Hang on a sec," Nikki began to fish around in her bag and suddenly produced a prison issue plastic mug. "Clap me in irons and drag me back to prison if you have to, but I had to have a souvenir. Didn't think they'd really miss this."

"Am I not a good enough souvenir for you then?" Helen looked seductively at Nikki as she reached out to take the mug adding, "and I won't tell if you don't." Nikki's stomach growled breaking the sexual tension, making Helen laugh. "Your stomach always seems to do that." She was remembering the first and only time they had made love whilst Nikki was in Larkhall. It had been in Helen's office just after Tricia's death and Nikki had not eaten for quite some time before hand.

"Let's deal with that first then, before this food goes completely cold. I'm starving." Helen poured two mugs of wine as Nikki sat on the floor at the foot of her bed, ready to tuck into her first meal as a free woman. Helen handed her one of the mugs and sat down next to her, leaning back on the end of the bed. They talked about trivial things as they ate, just enjoying being together without having to feel guilty or afraid of being interrupted.

The wine went straight to Nikki's head and she was soon more than a little merry. After they had finished eating, she leant back so that she was directly beside Helen. Wrapping an arm around her, she pulled the smaller woman to her for a casual hug, happy to just have her resting in her arms. Helen tilted her head upwards planting tender little kisses on Nikki's neck and jaw line. Slowly their mouths found each other and began a gentle exploratory kiss. The kiss soon deepened and Helen was surprised at how aroused she was becoming. Nikki's hands were working their way over her body, up and down her back and then one moving around to her front, resting on Helen's breast. She was rewarded with a low moan of desire from Helen, whose own hands were far from idle. Nikki started to undo Helen's blouse, drawing back from their kiss and looking deep into Helen's eyes for reassurance that this was what she truly wanted. Nikki was still worried that Helen was living in denial about the double rape and the effect it had had on her. Her worries were firmly put to one side as she saw the desire plain and evident in Helen's eyes as her own hands wrestled with Nikki's shirt. Moments later, both women were totally naked, having made their way onto Nikki's small bed. They took their time kissing and stroking one another, exploring properly for the first time, mindful of each others desires and needs. Helen was amazed at how naturally it came to her, she knew instinctively what would please Nikki despite being a novice at this. They brought each other to the brink time and time again not wanting the experience to end. After what seemed like an age, they crossed the line together, clinging to one another with tears of happiness flowing freely down their faces. They lay quietly together for a long while after, neither wanting to break the contented silence. Helen was amazed at the strength of her orgasm. Never in her entire life had she experienced anything as powerful as that and she knew that she had found where she belonged. Nikki too was lost in thought of how perfect it had been.

Helen was the first to break the silence, as she glanced at the clock on the table next to Nikki's bed. "I've got to go." The statement was met with a frustrated growl from Nikki. "I know, I don't want to go, but we can't really fall out with Mein Fuhrer downstairs on your first day here, can we?" Nikki chuckled at Helen's nickname for the supervisor, but made no move to release Helen from the cocoon of her arms. They began playfully wrestling until Helen had to admit defeat as Nikki pinned her down on the bed underneath her. Nikki watched as Helen's face suddenly clouded over with a memory of the first rape and Nikki leapt off her as she realised.

"Jesus, Helen, I'm sorry. That was stupid." Helen sat up, subdued by the memory.

"No Nikki, it's not your fault. Don't worry about it, OK? Please?" Helen moved into Nikki's arms again before pulling away to get dressed.

Nikki walked to the door with Helen, having thrown on jeans and a sweater. As they reached the top step, Helen turned to Nikki and kissed her one last time before turning and skipping down the steps. As they had kissed, neither woman had noticed the camera flash light up the sky, disguised by a passing car's headlights.

To Be Continued…


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

E-mail me: liz_

**Shit Happens - Chapter Nine**

Helen awoke the next morning, smiling as she remembered her celebration with Nikki the previous evening. She took her time showering and dressing, still able to feel Nikki's hands working their magic. She heard the newspaper thud onto the hall floor as she stepped from the shower.

Nikki, too, woke with a huge grin on her face. Today she was free. Knowing that it could be a temporary situation, she intended to savour each moment and hoped for many repeats of the night before. Turning onto her side, she glanced at the clock. She cursed as it was only 7.30 but decided to get showered and dressed, hoping to catch Helen in before she left for work.

Dominic cursed as the alarm brought him abruptly out of his dream state. He hit it violently, knocking it halfway across his bedroom. He had been at a crucial moment in his erotic dream about a certain beautiful Scot and felt today was going to be very slow as he longed to return here and finish it. He had been about to consummate a relationship with Helen before the bloody alarm interrupted. He jumped into the shower without letting it heat up first, needing to rid the remnants of the dream. Throwing his uniform on, he made his way down to the kitchen pausing to retrieve the paper and his motorbike magazine.

Helen threw the paper onto the side, reaching to put the coffee on. She flicked idly through the pages as she waited for the water to boil until one headline and photograph made her stop and catch her breath, all colour draining from her face.

Dominic scanned the paper with interest, looking for anything about Nikki's appeal. He knew it would make a sensational story and his particular brand of newspaper would exaggerate to make it even more so. He was not disappointed. He had only straightened the paper out when he hit the jackpot. He choked on his mouthful of tea at the sight that greeted him on the front cover.

Nikki reached for the telephone receiver to dial Helen's number as the paperboy delivered the morning's offerings. She looked directly at him and he stared back, eyes widening in recognition. 'Great,' she thought, 'bloody journalists have got my mug shot all over the papers then.' She figured that she would begin to get used to the stares and whispers throughout the day. At least in prison, if someone had something to say to you, they said it to your face. She turned her back and dialled Helen's number, slamming the phone down as the answer machine picked up. She stalked back to her room, realising that she would actually get to see less of Helen now than when she was in prison.

The phone had rung for the umpteenth time that morning already and Helen had taken to ignoring it. She suspected Nikki would probably try to ring her whether or not she had seen a paper that morning, but could not take the chance of it being Simon or Andrew, her Area boss, or even another journalist wanting her side of the story. She looked back down at the photograph of her and Nikki kissing on the doorstep of the hostel, under the banner headline: '_Lesbian cop-killer freed for tryst with Home Office lover_,' with a smaller clearer photograph of Nikki inset. She was debating whether she should go into work or not, but decided it would be better to face the music early on and answer all the questions in one go, than to have it dragged out. Dropping the paper in the waste paper bin, she grabbed her coat and headed out of the door.

Dominic was dreading going into work. He felt stupid at not having suspected something between Helen and Nikki. There had been numerous signals he realised now with hindsight. He was also dreading the reaction of Sylvia, who would relish the opportunity to rubbish Helen's reputation and past achievements. And then there was Di. Until now, Dominic had been able to hide behind his friendship with Helen, deflecting some of Di's romantic attentions. Now she would see the way clear and he had no defences left. Her attention was flattering but a bit scary. She seemed to be developing an obsession with him and her transfer to the wing had seemed to coincide with a disturbing number of his personal belongings going walkabout.

Nikki stepped out of the hostel and was immediately accosted by dozens of journalists and photographers. She was terrified and confused. Nobody was supposed to know where she was and she had not expected this much interest in her case. She caught one or two questions being asked repeatedly and focused in on them.

"Miss Wade, how long has Helen Stewart been your lover?" Nikki's heart stopped at the mention of Helen's name. How the hell did they know? She decided to make a dash for it and sprinted away from the mass of people threatening to engulf her. Some attempted to keep up with her but three years of training in the prison gym and working in the garden had paid off and she lost her pursuers after a brief chase. She practically dived through the police station doors, panting and sweating. Her heart was racing and not just from the impromptu workout she just given it. Her mind was working overtime too, questioning how they had found out about her relationship with Helen. The officer behind the desk glanced up and then did a double take.

"Well, well. We've got a celebrity with us today. Got your papers with you?" Nikki placed her documents on the desk without a word, still confused. The officer continued, "Saw you in the papers today, very touching."

"Will somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?" The policeman routed around underneath the reception desk for the morning edition of 'The Sun' and threw it onto the counter for Nikki's to see. All colour drained from Nikki's face as she saw the front cover headline and photograph. She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her but no amount of studying the tiles would cause them to part.

"OK that's all. We'll see you again tomorrow." Nikki was relieved to be able to do as she pleased for the rest of the day, but did not know where to go to be alone and unhassled. She wandered around for a while before needing to eat. Her mind was in turmoil, thinking about the photograph and worrying how Helen was coping. She toyed with the idea of going to her house, but knew that Helen would have gone into work to face it out. She vowed to see her later one way or another.

Andrew Barnes had left a number of messages on Helen's mobile phone, demanding to see her as soon as possible. She knocked on his office door and took a deep breath as he called for her to enter. He sat behind a huge oak desk, with his superior standing to one side. This confirmed immediately what she had feared as she had been driving to work, he didn't need say the words. He motioned for her to sit and she felt like checking for wires under the chair. She was about to be roasted and invited to reconsider her career choice. He rose as she sat down, imposing his authority, preparing himself to deliver the fatal blow to her position.

G-Wing was still buzzing from news of Nikki's appeal when news reached them of the latest developments. Many of the inmates stated that this simply confirmed what they had suspected all along. Nikki's real friends on the wing realised how this would knock both Nikki and Miss Stewart and felt for them both. The Two Julies and Yvonne were huddled in a corner discussing the implications of it when Di Barker wandered past. She suddenly became interested when Helen's name was mentioned and positioned herself so that she could eavesdrop without it being obvious. She was oblivious to the fact that Helen had been found in a compromising position as she rarely lived in the real world these days, preferring her fantasy where she was very happily married to the luscious Dominic. She could barely breath as she heard the full tale in snippets from the conversation. This meant the way was now clear for her and Dominic, no more Helen Stewart fluttering her eyelashes and distracting him. She did feel for Helen after what had happened but that did not give her access to her man.

"I think you know why you are here, so we'll get right to the point. A newspaper article has been brought to my attention which questions your relationship with a convicted criminal, a Miss Nicola Wade. I see she was an inmate at Larkhall until very recently. For the record, what is the nature of your relationship with Miss Wade?" Andrew cleared his throat several times as he stuttered his way through the statement.

"The newspaper has it right. Nikki and I are in love." Helen's voice was barely above a whisper.

"When did this relationship begin?" It was his superior, Mark's, turn to speak.

"I realised I felt something for her while I was still Wing Governor at Larkhall, that is why I resigned my post. But I can assure you that nothing happened until after I resigned, well after." Helen wished they would just cut the formalities. They all knew they were just going through the motions of hearing her side of the story before they delivered the verdict that had agreed on.

"Miss Stewart, we cannot be seen to be condoning this type of relationship. We have decided that as a result of your actions we have no choice but to withdraw your authority within the Prison Service, effective immediately. You will be notified of the financial details of your dismissal. Is there anything you wish to ask?"

"No." Helen felt tears spring to her eyes. All she had wanted was to be with the person she loved, but it seemed like the whole world was conspiring against them. First there had been Laura, then Fenner and now she had to give up the career she had worked so hard for all in the name of love. Andrew showed Helen out of the building making sure to collect all her keys and identity badges. Helen stepped out into the cool morning air, unsure of what she was going to do with the next few hours of her life, let alone the seemingly endless years ahead.

Nikki found herself making her way to the only place she knew she still had. She did not want to go back to the hostel yet believing that, even if the Press were not still camped out on her doorstep, the supervisor would invite her to make other arrangements. She stood gazing at the faded paint work and old posters gracing the outside of the club she and Tricia had co-owned. So many memories were tied up in this place, but all were of a life Nikki no longer felt attached to. The club had remained shut after Tricia's accident and Nikki had no idea where there were any keys. She knew nothing of this place now, even though she owned it entirely. One thing she did know however was that first thing in the morning it was going on the market. Taking one last look, she set off in search of a pub to get something decent to eat.

Helen drove around aimlessly, not knowing where to go. She did not want to go home and face the numerous phone calls and messages that would be waiting for her attention, nor did she want to go and see Nikki. Chances were she would not be at the hostel anyway. It was her first day of freedom after three long years, there was no way it would be spent tied to one place. Besides, Helen did not want to face Nikki, not yet. She was beginning to doubt whether it was all worth it. Last night had been fantastic, but if the world was against them, what was the point? She found herself only a few miles from Larkhall, an area she had come to know well from commuting through it everyday and headed for a pub she had visited on more than one occasion. She knew it to be quite quiet and she would not be hassled which was just what she needed as she faced the task of ordering her thoughts.

Nikki wandered into the pub, which was light and roomy but exceptionally quiet. She ordered a drink at the bar, reaching for a food menu. A hand swiped the menu away before she could take it and she looked up, agitated by the rudeness. The bartender stared back at her, then turned slowly and pointed to a sign which allowed the management to reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. She felt the Nikki of old returning, but bit back a remark, slowly rising from her stool and stalking out of the door. Fishing around in her pocket, she found Helen's address and decided to go and wait for her at the flat.

Helen felt the colour in her cheeks rising as numerous people began whispered conversations after glancing in her direction. She had found a table in the corner, wanting to merge in and hide but there was no respite from the attention. 'Damn you Nikki Wade, why does everything have to be so complicated with you?' She thought as she downed her Jack Daniels and coke. As her glass met the table she stood to leave, having had her fill of being the entertainment. She decided instead to carry on drinking herself into oblivion at home. She had the luxury of knowing she could sleep it off the next day and that way she could delay the inevitable. She no longer had her job to hide behind and the pain of recent traumas was threatening to catch up with her. She stopped only once on her familiar journey home, to pick up a large bottle of vodka and a smaller one of Jack Daniels along with some coke and tonic.

Nikki sat on the front doorsteps of Helen's flat in full view of the road. She did not want to be arrested if someone should think she was casing the joint or trying to break in or something. She was also mindful of not wanting to startle Helen too much. A figure lurking in the shadows would bring back some painful memories for her and she figured that today had been hard enough as it was. She wondered how Helen's boss had reacted. There would be no way he would not have seen the story. She had investigated and it was plastered over every newspaper available, some giving it front page coverage. He hoped that he had listened to Helen before making a decision. But then could she really trust Helen to put their relationship before her precious career? What if Helen had denied any voluntary involvement, had said it was all Nikki's doing? The longer Nikki sat there alone, waiting, the more paranoid she became.

Helen pulled up just below her gate and grabbed her bags off the passenger's seat. The JD and cokes from the pub were beginning to take effect, especially as she had not eaten at all, and she staggered slightly as she stepped from the car. She walked through the gateway and stopped dead as Nikki rose to meet her.

"I can't do this, Nikki, not now. I have to get myself straight before…"

"Straight? Before what?" Nikki interrupted. "I only came to see if you were alright."

"I think it would be best if you just went. I need some time to get my head around this."

"And that lot's going to help you do that is it?" She indicated to the carrier bag straining under the weight of bottles. Nikki was losing patience with Helen. 'Didn't she see they needed to help each other through this?'

"Oh just piss off Nikki. I'm sick and tired of all this cloak and dagger stuff. Why me? Why did you have to choose me? I had everything; a fiancé, a career, prospects for the future." The alcohol had really started to kick in now and Helen had lost her usual control and reason.

"Fine, I'll just walk out of your life right now, if that's what you really want. Well, is it?" Nikki was aware of passers-by watching the exchange with interest.

"Just leave me alone, Nikki." Nikki pushed by Helen, tears already streaming down her face determined not to look back. Now she had nothing. She thought it would be better if she was sent back to prison. At least there she had had friends, somewhere to live and…hope. Hope of a better life, a life with Helen.

To Be Continued…


	10. Chapter 10

**Shit Happens - Chapter Ten**

Helen sank into the couch, crying like she had not allowed herself to since the first rape. She knew she had been unreasonable to lash out at Nikki. It had not been her fault any of this and Helen needed her, but could not cope with being around her, she did not why. The alcohol she had bought sat untouched on the kitchen table. She was terrified that Nikki would go and do something stupid now, thinking she had no reason to be out of prison. What was worse, Helen did not know where to reach her. She doubted she would go back to the hostel yet, her curfew wasn't for another three hours yet.

Nikki walked up the steps reaching for the door as it opened. The supervisor greeted her sternly.

"I wondered when you'd show your face again. I think it would be better all round if you made alternative arrangements for accommodation, I'm sure your partner will be happy to put you up." The words were spat out with distaste at Nikki's 'choice' of lifestyle.

"When do you want me out by?" Nikki knew there was no point in arguing and she was in no mood to try. She did not see the point to any of it anymore. She didn't even care if she was locked away, never to be released if she could not spend her life with Helen.

"You can get your stuff together now. You've a few hours to find somewhere else." With that, the woman turned and strode up the stairs towards Nikki's room. Swallowing on a lump in her throat, Nikki followed. She had expected to be asked to leave, but was hoping she could stay the night. Under the careful scrutiny of the Fuhrer, Nikki collected together her few belongings throwing them into her holdall. When she had finished, she handed the key back to the supervisor and left.

Helen's heart leapt as the doorbell rang, hoping against hope that Nikki had decided to try and talk to her again. She practically ran to the front door and flung it open. Her face fell as she was greeted by two police officers.

"Miss Helen Stewart?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"We'd like you to accompany us to the station, please. You made a statement concerning an attack on yourself a few weeks ago and there are one or two details which need to be checked in light of recent newspaper stories." Helen was stunned into sobriety by this. Of all the consequences, she had neglected to consider this one. She grabbed her leather jacket and handbag and followed the officers out to the awaiting car.

Nikki wandered for a while longer, before finding a seat in a quiet park and contemplating what she would do. In an hour she would break her curfew unless she found somewhere to stay and notified the police. She could not go back to Helen's flat after the argument that afternoon and she had had no luck with the other hostels she had tried. She sat racking her brains for any other options. Monica? No, she wasn't allowed to associate with known criminals and whilst Monica was hardly a criminal mastermind and had been freed on appeal, she still had a record. Parents? Hardly, she had left home at 16 and had not spoken to or seen her parents since. It would be a bit much to expect them to help her out. Old friends? She was not sure how many of them would still be in the area or would be willing to help her. None of them had offered their services when she had needed character witnesses at her original trial. In the end as her curfew drew closer, she decided on the only option she had left. She stood to go, breathing deeply as though it was the last time she would taste fresh air for a long time.

Helen held her head in her hands. They had gone over what happened at least fifty times since they had brought her in, questioning every last detail of her statement. They had also made her describe in detail her relationship with Nikki, how it had begun, etc… Her head felt as though it was going to explode. The alcohol from earlier had well and truly worn off and left her feeling as though the world had come to an end inside her skull. Just as they decided that they were satisfied with her answers for the time being, there was a knock at the interview room door. A young officer stuck his head around the door and called for the senior detective interviewing Helen to step outside.

Nikki sat on the hard, narrow bench, listening to the familiar noises of keys turning and doors banging, people shouting and cursing the officers for doing their job. She leant back and cried, allowing herself to feel the pain of Helen rejection totally for the first time. She knew that they belonged together and had thought that Helen felt that way too. But Helen had run at the first sign of trouble. Nikki guessed that she had probably lied to save her bloody career too. 'You're just being petty now. Why would she have been home so early if she still had a job? And why would she need all that alcohol?' Nikki's thoughts turned to fears at the thought of Helen turning to drink to help her deal with the stresses of the past few months. 'Why won't she just let me in? Why does she always push me away when she needs me most? I need her too.' Lying on the bench, Nikki curled up into a ball closing her eyes against the cruel world. If only the police hadn't come along when they did, she would have been away from all this now. She hadn't understood when Monica had wanted to be dead instead of free, but now she more than understood, she shared the wish.

"Miss Stewart, I thin you should know we have Nicola Wade in custody." Helen's head snapped up as the detective re-entered the room and began speaking to her.

"Uh, what's she done now?" Helen feared that Nikki's temper had got the better of her after their fight and she had done something foolish.

"Two of my officers on patrol found her about to leap off Thames Bridge. It took them quite a while to talk her round actually. But she's safely tucked up in one of the cells now, until we can get her assessed." Helen felt her heart stop beating as she heard the news. She felt immediately sick and placed a hand over her mouth. A WPC was instructed to fetch her a cup of water. When she had regained her composure a little, she asked to see Nikki.

"I know I'm probably the last person in the world she wants to see right now, but I need to talk to her. If I can, I know she won't try anything like this again. Please, just for a short while?" Helen looked pleadingly at the detective, who looked back at her seemingly assessing whether he should allow this. He came down in favour of letting it go ahead. If she could snap Miss Wade out of this it would save him a lot of paperwork involving the duty psychiatrist.

"Alright, but if she starts acting up, I want you out of there."

Nikki did not even glance up as the cell door opened, although her eyes automatically flickered open. As so often had happened before the shapely figure of the Wing Governor, whom she adored, appeared silhouetted against the bright light in the corridor. Suddenly, Nikki bolted up into a sitting position.

"Helen!" Any more words were lost as she choked back her tears. Helen stepped nearer, crossing the boundary into her cell and she could see that her tears were equalled by those in Helen's eyes. No more words were need as they sat side by side on the bench holding one another as though their lives depended upon it.

Helen was the first to break their silence. "Nikki, I'm sooo sorry for the way I reacted earlier. I'd been drinking, I'd been sacked and it was just such a shock to find our perfect night spread all over the papers sounding so sordid. I didn't mean what I said about not wanting to see you. I didn't think," She was cut off by Nikki's harsh whisper.

"No, you never bloody do, do you Helen? No one else can feel anything, nobody else hurts except you. So far today, I've lost my home, my heart and my hope. So don't you dare sit there telling me what a hard day you've had!" Nikki went to turn away from Helen, but she was not allowed. Helen gripped arms tightly, forcing Nikki to look at her.

"I know I deserved that, but I'd rather we talk about it properly, like adults…at home. More than anything yesterday, I wanted to be able to walk out of that courthouse and take you home with me. If there's one thing this whole mess has made me realise, it's just how much I need you in my life. Since our last conversation, I've been thinking, I couldn't stop. And I realised the thought of you not being there terrified me far more than the fact that I have no job and don't have the first idea what is going to happen in the future. When the detective said you had tried to jump of a bridge, I thought I was going to die. To have come so close to not only losing you, but destroying you too…"

"It's not just us. I've been chucked out of the hostel as well. It just seemed like I had nothing left. Do you really mean what you said, about me coming home with you?"

"Of course. I love you and I never want to come that close to losing you ever again. Do you still want to be with me?"

"More than anything. I love you too, more than you'll ever know."

"Neither of us have anything to lose anymore. Lets just put the past behind us and start afresh. I'll go and speak to the police about letting you out of here. Seeing you in a cell has too many bad memories." With the lightest of kisses, Helen stood to go. She returned only a few minutes later with a police officer, grinning as she re-entered the cell.

"Well?"

"Just sign here please Miss Wade and you're free to go. We'll arrange for a car to take you home and we'll make the necessary arrangements regarding the curfew order and tag. We will need to speak to you again soon, with regards to your statement after the attack on Miss Stewart. Could we make it tomorrow when you bring your papers in?" Agreeing, Nikki signed on the dotted line and she walked out of the cell with her arm around Helen's waist to the waiting police car, walking to a new life.

To Be Continued…


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

E-mail me: liz_

**Shit Happens - Chapter Eleven**

Nikki stood to one side as Helen fumbled with her keys desperate to get in, and not just because it had started to rain heavily. When Helen finally managed to get the key the right way up and into the lock, they both burst through the doorway into the hall soaking wet. Nikki dropped her holdall onto the wooden floor, it thudding with extra weight from the rainwater. She shook her head, droplets of water flying through the air. Helen grinned and led her through to the bathroom, handing her a towel.

"We'd better get out of these wet things. Have you got anything in that bag that's likely to be wearable?" Nikki looked a little confused. It was 11.30 at night and Helen was asking if she had anything to wear? "Only if not, I'll put it all in the wash ready for morning."

Nikki shrugged, "I dunno, I packed in a hurry. I doubt even if it's dry anything would be reasonable to wear." Nikki was feeling a little awkward now that she was actually standing here in Helen's home. It seemed too good to be true after the previous events of the day.

"Well let's get that sorted first, then I don't know about you but I need to eat. I haven't felt like it all day, but now I'm starving."

"Yeah me too.… I'm sorry for snapping at you before, in that cell. Things got a bit bleak there for a while. I really thought you'd had enough of me causing trouble. You've had nothing but hassles since you met me, so I wouldn't have been surprised if you did call it a day." Nikki needed to get this off her chest, as she followed Helen to the kitchen. Helen had had her say at the police station but Nikki had been to choked to speak much.

"We'll talk about it properly tomorrow, but you have nothing to apologise for. I'm more than a bit stressed at the minute, but that's no excuse for taking it out on you. Now what would you like to eat? Feel free to search the cupboards, although there's not much in them at the minute. I haven't felt much like shopping recently." Nikki's only response was to envelope Helen in a big comforting hug. The sound of a cat knocking over one of the many plant pots in the backyard startled them both, but Nikki felt Helen tense up and start to shake.

"Ssshhh, it's OK. No one's going to hurt you now. You've really got to deal with this Helen. You can't hide behind everything all the time hoping it'll go away on it's own." Helen broke free from Nikki's grasp and went to reach for the bottle vodka she had bought earlier. "Oh no, you're not going to help matters with that. Come 'ere and let it go. You'll feel better for it, and your head'll certainly thank you for it in the morning." Nikki took hold of Helen once again as she began to cry, finally giving way to the overwhelming fear and guilt and shame she felt after the double rape.

"Oh Nikki." The words were barely audible as they were breathed into Nikki's chest. Helen clung to Nikki, feeling the tension that had built up begin to seep away as she finally faced up to what had occurred. They remained wrapped in each other's embrace for a long while, until Helen's sobs subsided. Helen began to shiver as her wet clothes stuck to her body. Nikki gently led her back to the bathroom where she proceeded to undress Helen, tenderly. She then removed her own wet things and directed Helen to the bedroom. She could tell that her lover was totally exhausted as she allowed herself to be half carried around the flat, offering no resistance when Nikki went to put her to bed. Lying back on the bed, Nikki hugged Helen to her once more, pulling the duvet around them tightly. Helen soon drifted off into a contented sleep, knowing she was safe with Nikki there to protect her. Nikki lay awake for a while longer, making sure Helen was properly settled before she allowed herself to surrender to the need to sleep.

Nikki became aware of movement and was briefly confused as to where she was. A sudden scream brought her to full consciousness, in time to see Helen sit bolt upright in bed before running to the bathroom. After a few seconds Nikki followed her. Helen was knelt on the floor.

"Go back to bed, Nikki, I don't want you seeing me like this." Nikki simply crouched next to her as she wretched and placed a hand on Helen's back, moving it in slow circles.

"Bad dream?" Helen just nodded, tears running down her face once more. As she recovered, she slumped against Nikki not having the strength in her to get up. "You OK now?" Nikki peered at Helen, tucking a stray strand of silky hair behind her ear to afford her a clearer view of Helen's beautiful profile.

"I'll be fine." Helen levered herself up and slowly made her way back to the bedroom, with Nikki following close behind. They climbed back into bed, snuggling up together again.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I rather go back to sleep."

"Sure." Nikki kissed Helen's hair and pulled her closer. Soon both had drifted back off to sleep.

The next time Nikki awoke, she heard the shower running. Smiling, she wandered through to the bathroom to join Helen. Her smile froze as she got closer and listened to Helen sobbing, barely audible above the running water. She carefully peeled the shower curtain back, to reveal Helen scrubbing at her body. Parts were already red raw from her attention. Nikki stepped into the cubicle and reached past Helen to turn the shower off. Helen started to fight with Nikki, lashing out at her but Nikki determinedly grasped hold of the flailing arms and pulled Helen to her. She held her tightly until she stopped struggling and relaxed against Nikki, crying her heart out.

"Another bad dream?" Nikki felt Helen's head rise and fall against her chest in confirmation. "You've got to see someone about this, sweetheart. You're making yourself ill. How often do you get the dreams?"

"Everytime I close my eyes, one of them is there. I hate sleeping, I dread night-time because I know they'll come back. When we were preparing for your appeal, I'd go and do some work for that, or for the next lifer's meeting. Now I don't have anything to distract me."

"You've got me, OK? If you have a dream and I don't wake up, don't suffer on your own. You're not alone any more darling, I'm here and I want to help you. Will you please agree to talk to someone, a counsellor or something, about all this. You've been through a hell of a lot, you can't be expected to just forget about it and move on as though nothing happened. You need to talk about it and I think it's better if it's someone totally impartial. At least say you'll think about it?"

"OK, I'll think about it." Helen allowed Nikki to pull her from the shower and towel her dry. Despite her anguish, she found herself becoming aroused by Nikki's delicate attention. She buried her face in Nikki's neck and began to kiss her. Nikki realised the effect she was having on Helen and decided to stop it from going any further. She felt like she would be taking advantage of her when she was so vulnerable. She wrapped Helen in her bathrobe and led her through to the sitting room, ignoring Helen's attempts to pull her back to the bedroom. She made her way through to the kitchen and put a pot of coffee on. As she waited for the water to filter through, she rejoined Helen in the sitting room, finding her curled up on the sofa where she had left her. She perched on the end stroking her smooth, wet hair.

"Are you hungry?" Helen nodded absentmindedly, so Nikki set about searching the kitchen cupboards for ingredients. She looked round as Helen spoke from the doorway.

"I told you last night there wasn't much in."

"You weren't kidding! When was the last time you ate a decent meal?" Helen simply shrugged and went to pour the coffee. "Ah-ah, today I'm going to spoil you rotten and you're going to take it easy. And don't even think about arguing." Nikki grinned at Helen to take the sting out of her orders, "now go and sit back down, I'll be there in a minute." Helen made a mock salute to her as she turned and left the kitchen, smiling as she went. Moments later, Nikki followed her through and handed Helen a mug of steaming coffee. They sat together on the sofa, curled up and holding one another enjoying the fact that they could be together like this. After a while, Nikki noticed that Helen was in danger of spilling her coffee, which was gradually slipping from her hand. Shifting her head, she realised that her lover had fallen asleep once again. Nikki took the mug from Helen and placed it on the table. Helen never stirred as her feet were swung up onto the couch and Nikki tucked the duvet, which she had retrieved from the bedroom, around her. Glancing at the clock, Nikki realised she had better get moving if she was to make it to the police station in time. She found a scrap of paper and left Helen a note on the coffee table saying she'd gone to check in and was going to do some shopping while she was out.

Nikki cursed as she ran to the bus stop in time to see one bus pull away. Fortunately the driver had seen her in his mirror and showed considerable charity as he pulled over again. Realising he was waiting for her, she sprinted the short distance and climbed aboard. Muttering a heartfelt thanks, she handed over her fare. The bus driver seemed to study her for a minute and Nikki thought he was going to throw her off, recognising her, but instead he just shrugged and turned his attention back to the road. She took a seat at the back of the bus, looking back down Helen's road as the bus pulled away again.

The police station was only a short walk from the bus stop but Nikki walked quickly wanting this part of the day over and done with so she could do what she had to and get back to Helen. There was no problem with her documents but the grilling about the true nature of her relationship took longer. When they were reasonably satisfied that her story corroborated what Helen had spent hours telling them the previous day, they allowed her to go. She was surprised to learn she had been there for two hours and cursed at the thought of Helen waking up alone. She had hoped to be back before she realised she had been gone. And she still had the shopping to do, something which would not wait if they were going to eat at all that day. The supermarket was about ten minutes away, she guessed. She had familiarised herself with the area the day before when she had been wandering, not sure of what to do or where to go. The shopping done as quickly as possible, gathering only essential items, Nikki made her way back to the bus stop.

Helen was woken by noises. Where were they coming from? She could not make out whether it was inside or out. She called for Nikki and then spotted the note propped up against a plant pot. She reached out to take the note, her hand stopping as she heard the noises that had woken her again. The were outside, but right outside as though someone was in the backyard. She lay still, listening intently. She thought that it might be Nikki, it was feasible she wouldn't hear her calling if she was outside. Then a plant pot smashed and she heard a man's voice cursing loudly. Helen could not move. She was frozen with terror as she heard footsteps approaching the French window doors.

To Be Continued…


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

E-mail me: liz_

**Shit Happens - Chapter Twelve**

When she heard the key in the lock of the front door, Helen heaved a sigh of relief and ran to meet Nikki. She stumbled rather than successfully running, having made her way down the best part of a quarter of the vodka bottle she had bought the day before. Nikki dropped the bags of shopping and caught Helen as she fell the rest of the way to greet her. Seeing the state of her lover, she nudged the door closed with her heel and guided Helen back to the lounge, rolling her eyes when she saw the bottle looking more depleted than when she had left.

"Helen, this is not going to help in any way."

"Someone was here, Nikki. I heard him out the back. He broke a plant pot and then ran off. I was so scared. I called out at first thinking it was you, but then I heard him and saw your note. Laura said she had contacts and would send someone after me if I didn't do as she said. She knows where I live Nikki. What if she's sent someone after me, us? She's psychotic enough and hell-bent on ruining your appeal."

"OK calm down. First things first, are you sure you definitely heard someone out there? It couldn't have been a cat or something?"

"No, Nikki cat's don't swear as far as I know." Nikki realised that Helen was on the verge of becoming hysterical, the alcohol impeding her reasoning ability and her usually analytic brain.

"He swore? What, when he knocked the plant pot over?" Helen nodded, "and then you say he ran off?" Another nod. "Did you see him at all?" A shake of the head this time.

"I couldn't move. I was so scared. I thought it was going to happen all over again."

Helen suddenly felt her knees go weak and she collapsed in a heap at Nikki's feet before Nikki could catch her. The young Scot began to laugh, a mixture of drunkenness and hysteria. Nikki stood over her, not knowing what to do for the best. She had heard that slapping people was the best way to bring them out of hysterics but thought that given the circumstances that would be a little tactless and harsh. Besides she did not think she could bring herself to hurt Helen physically, not intentionally. She considered her options momentarily, then headed out to the backyard. There was no mistaking that someone had been there, there was a trail of blood leading from a broken plant pot to the end of the patio. She guessed looking around the yard that the intruder had made his getaway over the back fence. She made her own way down there, treading carefully, a few feet to one side of the blood trail. Peering over the fence, she saw an alleyway which would have provided easy access to the property without being detected. Jumping down from her viewpoint, she made her way back to the house, reaching the hallway just as Helen was reaching for her jacket, car keys in hand.

"Where do you think you're going? You're in no fit state to drive, you're drunk." Nikki made a grab for the keys. Helen was too slow due to her inebriated state to avoid Nikki's hand. It did not stop her from trying though and she staggered backwards with the momentum of her movement. Nikki caught her deftly with one arm around her waist, her other hand closing firmly over the car keys. She practically dragged the paralytic woman back to the lounge, Helen protesting loudly all the way. She pushed Helen gently, making her fall onto the couch.

"No, Nikki, I can't stay here. What if he comes back?"

"If he does, we'll call the police. You won't be alone. I didn't want to leave you this morning but I had to go to the cop shop and I didn't want to wake you again. I'm going to call the police now, there may be evidence out there that they can use to find out what's going on. In light of recent events, I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't a freelance photographer hoping to get an exclusive. But just in case, we'll let them check it out, OK? But you're staying here with me. While I'm here I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

"What are you going to do, Nikki? Stick a bottle in their neck again like last time someone tried to hurt your girlfriend?"

"Helen, that's well out of order but I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and put it down to the amount you've had to drink." Nikki's spoke quietly trying to control the anger rising in her.

"I need another one." Helen reached out for the vodka bottle that was still sitting on the coffee table. Nikki was first to react, snatching it up and carrying it through to the kitchen. She took the lid off and poured the remnants down the sink. Helen staggered into the doorway as the last of the clear liquid disappeared down the plug hole. "What the hell are you doing? I only bought that yesterday!"

"Yeah and the way you were going at it you'd need another one tomorrow and then the day after and the day after that. It's not the way to solve problems, Helen. It's not going to help in the long run. You'll end up with more problems."

"What does it matter?"

"I know at the minute you can't see and end to this nightmare, but it will get better. It will if you deal with things now and move on from them. Ignore them and they'll haunt you until you can't take anymore. Trust me. I was destroying myself in much them same way before you came to Larkhall. I wouldn't accept what had happened, it was the system's fault not mine and I didn't give a rat's arse if I got on people's nerves or wound the screws up. Then you arrived. You showed faith in me and helped me in ways you can't even begin to imagine. You made me realise that I had to accept responsibility for my actions if I wanted to be trusted. Once I did that, I really started to live again. So now, let me return the favour. I know you can pull through this, without the help of the booze. You don't need it, you're stronger than that. And together, we'll beat anything this shit place can throw at us. You mean the world to me Helen, I don't want to loose you, the you that I fell in love with." Helen had listened to Nikki's speech, leaning against the doorjamb for fear of her legs giving way beneath her. Tears had begun to stream down her face again and Nikki dropped the empty bottle in the bin before walking towards Helen. She practically fell into Nikki's arms again as she leaned forward to meet her and lost her balance. They walked together back to the lounge where Nikki phoned the police as Helen took a seat on the sofa again.

"I thought it was just because we got on that you changed after the first few weeks." Helen was still digesting what Nikki had said about the reasons for the dramatic turn around in her behaviour after her arrival at Larkhall.

"That played a large part of it, but that time I got brought to your office after Rachel's death you stuck you're neck out for me by putting me back on the wing. You could have sent me down the block or shipped me out, but you didn't. You showed faith in me to make the right decision. You gave me the chance to make up in a small way for my past wrongs and show the kind of person I was before that night in the club. You gave me responsibility and I didn't want to let you down, or myself."

"I got the impression that it had had quite an impact on you when you went so quiet. I thought it was because it wasn't what you expected."

"It took me ages afterwards to get my head around what you'd done. I couldn't imagine for the life of me why you'd want to help me. You were after all just another screw at the time, a bloody gorgeous one, but a screw all the same. I could never see you in the same way again after that, I couldn't bring myself to put on the act with you after you'd trusted me. But anyway, stop trying to dodge the real issue here. We were talking about you, and what you're doing to yourself. You can't hide behind things forever Helen. I know I keep saying that, but it's because it's the truth. Have you thought any more about going to a counsellor?"

"I don't think I could talk about it Nikki. It scares me to even think about it. It makes me feel physically sick and whenever I think about it the nightmares are worse. Please, don't make me keep going through it." Helen trembled as if to illustrate her fear.

"I can't make you do anything you don't want to, but I really think it would help to get rid of the nightmares if you got everything out in the open. I'm always here to talk to, but sometimes you need someone completely detached from the situation." Nikki moved to hold Helen again. Just as she reached the sofa, the doorbell rang. Helen jumped and then looked up at Nikki.

"OK, I'll talk to someone. Anything not to feel like this all the time." Nikki nodded and made her way to the door. She stepped over the discarded bags of shopping, sliding them to one side as she opened the door to the waiting police officers. She beckoned them in and showed them through to the lounge to speak to Helen. The female constable stayed with Helen while Nikki showed her male colleague the backyard and the traces of blood she had found.

It seemed to take an age for the police to gather enough evidence and to question Helen, who by the end had sobered up. Nikki kept plying her with glasses of water, keeping out of the way in the kitchen, putting the shopping away. Helen tentatively asked about rape counselling that had been mentioned after the attack in her garden. A WPC took her telephone number and said she would get in touch with details as soon as she got back to the station. When the police finally left, Helen suggested to Nikki that they go out for something to eat. Nikki could see that she was desperate to get away from the flat, even if only for a short time, so she agreed. Helen stood and began to look for her car keys, wondering where Nikki had put them.

"We'll take the bus, or a taxi. You're still in no fit state to drive." Nikki grabbed her jacket and handed Helen hers. "Where are we going then? You choose, you know the area better than I do."

"I know a really nice little pub, not far from here."

"My God woman, is there anything you do that doesn't involve alcohol?" Helen was about to snap at Nikki when she looked up and saw the huge grin spreading across Nikki's face. "Sorry I couldn't resist that." She watched as all the tension drained from Helen's muscles and a genuine smile lit up her face. "You can put that away as well otherwise we won't make it out of he door. I'll be forced to keep you here to myself!" Helen playfully swung a punch at Nikki's arm. Nikki dodged and caught Helen, wrapping an arm around her waist as they shut the door behind them.

They sat across from one another at the table in a quiet alcove, glad to be hidden from view from the main bar. It meant they could be more relaxed and tactile with each other. They talked about insignificant things over the meal, not wanting to think about the numerous threats to their happiness and enjoying being out together. By the time they were ready to leave, it was getting close to Nikki's curfew, so they opted to call for a taxi home.

As they stepped through the front door, Helen turned to Nikki with a gleam in her eyes. "Oh dear, you're not allowed to go anywhere else tonight. I wonder what we'll find to do shut up here in the flat?"

"There's always that washing you were going to do last night, and then there's the telly. I'm sure there's plenty of things to keep us out of trouble."

"What if I don't want to keep out of trouble?"

"Well, we have to see what we can do about that." With that Nikki was led through to the bedroom. As they went the phone rang, but they opted to let the answer machine pick it up. By the time Karen Betts voice sounded they were totally engrossed with each other in the bedroom, too busy to worry about it.

"Helen, hi it's Karen Betts. I called at 9 o' clock on Wednesday. I thought you should know I heard today that Laura Gossard was allowed out of segregation yesterday at Longton. I'm telling you because she has been making threats to get back at you ever since she was transferred. Call me when you get this message please. 'Bye."

To Be Continued…


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

E-mail me: liz_

**Shit Happens - Chapter Thirteen**

Helen woke wrapped in Nikki's arms. She was drenched with sweat and her heart was beating rapidly. She lay trying to shake the feelings that remained after her latest nightmare, not wanting to move for fear of waking Nikki. She glanced across at the clock, sighing when she saw it was only 5.30am. She snuggled closer to Nikki who stirred and welcomed her, draping a leg over her protectively. Still half asleep, Nikki kissed Helen's forehead and looked down at her through thick eyelashes.

"You OK?" Her voice was still thick with sleep and sounded incredibly sexy to Helen.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Bad dream again." Nikki kissed Helen's head again, prompting Helen to raise her head and search out Nikki's lips. The kiss became more passionate and Nikki allowed Helen to roll her over onto her back. Helen sat straddling Nikki's prone torso and began working her way down, pausing to toy with the erect nipples. Their lovemaking was tender with both taking their time to pleasure the other, wanting to give each other as much as they could. When they were both totally spent, they curled up in each other's arms again and fell into a deep, satisfied sleep.

Nikki was awoken by the sound of Helen being sick again in the bathroom. She dashed to Helen's side, sudden thoughts about possible consequences of the rape springing to her mind and bringing nausea to her as well.

"Again? It's not possible that you could be…?" Nikki could not bring herself to say the word. Helen's head spun round to meet Nikki's nervous gaze.

"No, I'm not, Nikki. I think this is the vodka from yesterday. I get like this sometimes after a nightmare too but it's not everyday. You just caught me at a bad time. Don't worry, I'm sure I'm fine." Nikki slumped against the doorframe in relief. Helen rose shakily to her feet, leaning on the sink and splashing water on her ashen face.

"I'd better get ready. I've got to be at the police station in an hour and a half. Is it alright if I take a shower?" Nikki could not get out of the habit of asking permission to do things and it still felt unreal being there in Helen's home.

"Only if I can join you." Nikki needed no second invitation and stepped forward removing her robe. Helen turned to face her and allowed Nikki to pull her robe away, too. Minutes later they stood beneath the steaming stream of water, caressing each other.

After towelling each other dry, they made love again before dressing.

"Is it alright if I come with you this morning? I don't want to stay here on my own."

"I already assumed you were coming. I don't want to spend a single moment apart from you. I'm still not free and with the possibility of going back inside hanging over me, I want to make the most of our time together."

"Nikki, don't talk like that. They're not going to send you back. If they thought you were a danger to anyone you wouldn't be standing here right now."

"Maybe, but I'm still going to make the most of having you here."

"I'm glad to hear you're not planning to take me for granted." Helen smiled and it severely tested Nikki's self-restraint to stop herself from undressing Helen again there and then.

"Let's go before I can't stop myself."

"I suppose I ought to go to the job centre while we're out. My savings won't last forever and I'll go mad being at home all day, no offence."

"None taken. I'd go mad having you at home all day." Nikki stuck her tongue out to show Helen she was kidding and winked as she ducked out of the way of Helen's punch.

Nikki checked in at the police station. While they were there, the WPC from the previous day handed Helen a leaflet with details about counselling. They were unable to learn anything new about the events of the previous day. Test results were still pending so there was no new information for them. They were advised to call immediately if they even suspected anyone was or had been around again. They left the station, neither of them in any rush to get back to the flat. Helen decided to do as she had planned and go to the job centre, but found nothing even remotely interesting. They returned to the flat after stopping at a café for lunch and Helen prepared herself to make an appointment with the rape counsellor. As she went to make the phone call, she realised that there were messages on the answer machine. Pressing the button she waited for them to start playing. She skipped through numerous ones left by her father demanding explanations about the paper story regarding her and Nikki. 'Not yet', she thought. She stopped as she heard Karen Betts' voice. Listening to the message, she felt her knees go weak. Nikki ran through to the lounge as she heard a thud. She found Helen unconscious on the floor, messages still playing out on the machine. Nikki turned it off and crouched next to her lover. She stroked her face with one hand as she felt for a pulse with the other. Helen began to stir and Nikki told her not to move. Once she had fully regained consciousness, Nikki helped her into a sitting position, leaning her back against an armchair and then went to fetch a glass of water.

"What happened?"

"There's a message from Karen…Betts. Laura is back on the wing."

"What at Larkhall?"

"No she's still at Longton, but they've let her out of segregation and apparently she's been threatening to get revenge. If she's had access to a phone since Tuesday morning, it could have been someone she sent out there yesterday. If he hadn't broken that pot, God only knows what might have happened. What if he comes back? We can't stay here."

"I can't move again. The police won't allow that. If he comes back, we'll call the police. We still can't know for sure that it was someone sent by her. We'll tell the police about this, see what they say. No one's going to hurt you Helen, not again. I'll do whatever I have to do to protect you, but I can't go away." Nikki waited for Helen to calm down before continuing, "did you phone the counsellor?"

"No I was going to but then I saw there were messages."

"Why don't you do that now, then it's not playing on your mind?" Helen nodded and picked up the phone. "Do you want me to go while you call?" She shook her head as she dialled and beckoned for Nikki to come closer. Nikki obliged wrapping her arm around Helen's slender waist for support and leaning her cheek against her smooth hair. The phone call was brief but Helen was tense throughout and that tension did not ease after she replaced the receiver. Nikki began to massage Helen's shoulders and soon she felt a lot more relaxed. Nikki let her take a seat on the sofa before calling the police and asking to speak to the officer in charge of the investigation. She gave him an outline of the message and told him he should speak to Karen Betts for any further details. When she had finished, she turned back to Helen who was sitting staring into space on the couch. "Any other messages you need to deal with?" She was met with a shake of the head.

"Just my father wondering what the hell's going on. He's never approved of anything I've done before and I'm fed up of explaining myself to him. He can wait until I'm ready to talk to him."

"Is it really worth drawing out the hassle? Why don't you just get it over with?"

"I can't face talking to him yet. He has this uncanny knack of making me feel guilty for everything. Please, Nikki, let me do this in my own time?"

"OK, if it's easier for you, I'm not going to force you to do anything." Nikki joined Helen on the couch, hugging her close.

The next few weeks saw them settle into a routine which bordered on a normal existence. Nikki took on the back garden, completely transforming it to the point that Helen felt able to set foot in it again. Helen was finding the counselling to be of great help. She rarely had the nightmares and she was less nervous and jumpy. She found herself able to discuss the events and her feelings regarding them openly with Nikki, who was reluctant to hear it at first but had soon realised the benefit of it for Helen. She had also taken to drinking much less, preferring only to indulge in the occasional bottle of wine when she and Nikki shared an evening meal. She had a few interviews coming up and one sounded very promising, working with ex-offenders to reintegrate them into society. During the weeks, Helen kept finding reasons to put off talking to her father, despite him leaving messages with monotonous regularity. Throughout, the relationship went from strength to strength and they kept finding they had more and more in common. They had a lot of differences too, and they enjoyed finding these as much as their common interests. Nikki had had several meetings with her solicitor regarding her appeal and things were really beginning to come together for it. There were three new witnesses willing to testify for Nikki's defence and some of their evidence was compelling, but Nikki still worried that all it would prove was that Gossard was not a nice man. It still didn't mean he deserved to die, or pardon Nikki for being the one to kill him.

During that time, the police had failed to find the intruder, but Helen's fears about a revenge attack by Laura's cronies had eased as there had been no sign of anyone else attempting to break in. Nikki's new garden plan helped to make the yard more secure. She had planted a row of thorny bushes next to the fence so that anyone trying to gain entry that way would have a very painful time of it. She had ended up covered in scratches herself whilst planting them, but found Helen to be a very attentive nurse. The police seemed to dismiss the whole incident, concluding that it was probably a journalist or photographer hoping to scoop an exclusive for some rag or another. The initial Press hype surrounding Nikki's release and case had subsided after her first week of freedom, but there was an increase again as her retrial drew closer.

One month after her release, Nikki awoke feeling more nervous than she had for the initial trial. Then she had been bitter and angry. Now she stood to lose something that she valued more than anything she ever had: her freedom to live with Helen. She knew that if the judge decided she should go back to prison, it would destroy both of them. She rose from the bed, leaving Helen to sleep. There was still plenty of time before they had to leave. She sat on the edge of the windowsill looking out at the garden she had created. At least Helen would have a reminder of her. She shook her head trying to eradicate thoughts that this would be her last day here for a long time from her mind. She turned back to the bed, finding Helen gazing at her propped up on one elbow.

"How are you feeling?" Nikki strolled over to the bed and planted a kiss on Helen's waiting lips.

"Nervous, how about you?"

"Scared. I don't know what I'd do if you couldn't come home with me again. I need you Nikki and now having lived with you, I don't think I could go back to not being with you all the time."

"Just in case, will you do one thing for me?" Helen had been thinking about the same thing and she pulled Nikki to her on the bed. At first their kisses were tentative, knowing what they wanted to do but not being able to disassociate from why they felt such an urgent need that morning. All rational thoughts were soon forgotten as passion overtook the pair. Nikki toyed first with one of Helen's breasts, then the other, gradually working her way down her lover's body, welcoming the groans of delight and pleasure her actions were eliciting. With expert manoeuvring, Nikki found herself gazing at Helen's pleasure centre. She found a very ready an willing recipient, her earlier attention having aroused Helen and making her wetter than she had imagined possible. She was so close to the edge before Nikki had even begun to stimulate her clitoris. Sensing this, Nikki teased her lover bringing her to the edge five times, sucking and tonguing the swollen little button, listening to Helen beg for mercy before she pushed her fingers deep inside her, working up a steady rhythm to match Helen's hips, all the while continuing her oral assault. As Helen's orgasm abated, Nikki moved back up the bed, kissing her on the lips before snuggling in next to her. A few minutes passed before Helen could summon up to energy to reciprocate. Their lovemaking was desperate and more passionate than either had ever experienced before, fuelled by their fears of having their time together revoked. Afterwards, they showered together and dressed ready for court. Nikki solemnly packed her holdall and placed it into the boot of Helen's car, just in case she did not come back.

They drew up to the courthouse in Helen's car. As soon as she set foot from the car, Nikki was swamped by reporters shouting to make themselves heard above the others, all jostling to get their questions in. Flashbulbs from cameras were going off constantly. Nikki bowed her head and grabbed Helen, shielding her from most of the cameras and guiding her up the steps to the doors. One man watched their ascent with great interest as he hovered at the back of the frenzied crowd, before following them into the courthouse.

To Be Continued…


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

E-mail me: liz_

**Shit Happens - Chapter Fourteen**

Nikki was led to the dock after a desperate, clingy hug, both reluctant to let go for what might be the last time. She could not take her eyes off Helen as the court awaited the arrival of the Judge. When they were instructed to rise, she turned to face the front of the court, her face unable to mask the terror she felt. The judge was impressed immediately by how contrite she looked, not like the cocky young woman her files had made her out to be. The court was seated and the re-trial began.

G-Wing was full of whispers about the re-trial and Nikki's chances. Most of the women knew that even if Nikki was sent back to prison, it would be unlikely that she would return to Larkhall after all that had happened, especially seeing as some of Laura's cronies were still there baring grudges. There was also a buzz going around about the sudden disappearance of Mr McAllister. He had returned from his holiday in Spain but had only reported for duty once before seeming to disappear into the night. There was no sign of him at his house and no one seemed to have any idea of anywhere else he would be. The two Julies, ever romantics, were speculating about him having got his rocks off with some bird on holiday and that he had decided he couldn't possibly live without her. Di Barker overheard their conversation and seemed to be more than a little perturbed by their imaginings. She ushered them to move along, chivvying them along with their cleaning duties. She too was pondering on the causes for Dominic's sudden departure. He had been fine when she went round to see him the night after he got back from Spain and he had reported for duty the next day, although he had been a bit quiet. He said nothing as he left after his shift was over. The Julies scuttled off to see if they could find the new sexpot on the wing, the officer transferred from C-Wing to cover for Mr McAllister's temporary absence.

Nikki sat in the dock watching Claire make her opening argument, outlining the case for the defence. She was a formidable woman, who Nikki decided she would not like to have against her. She found she had to force herself not to look round at Helen constantly and tried desperately to concentrate on what was being said. Helen too was having difficulty focusing on the evidence being presented. All she could think of was what she and Nikki would do together once this was all over. It never entered into her thoughts that Nikki would not be coming home with her. She truly believed that they would not have allowed her out under any circumstances if they thought she was a danger to anyone or that she would do a runner. She was roused from her reverie as she suddenly realised Nikki was being called to the witness stand to testify. For the first time since the re-trial had begun, Nikki's eyes searched out Helen's. She was rewarded with a reassuring smile that made her heart swell with pride. Nikki forced herself to look away, concentrating on the questions she was being asked. Claire had gone over her evidence with her thoroughly, and Nikki was appreciative of finally being given the chance to tell her side of the story officially. She was careful to avoid sounding bitter about the events leading up to DC Gossard's death and said that she truly regretted what had happened, but that she had acted on basic instincts when her lover was threatened. When it was the prosecution's turn to cross-examine, Nikki was prepared for any questions he threw at her.

"Miss Wade, can you be sure that those same basic instincts you spoke of will not surface again if confronted by a similar situation?"

"Yes." Nikki decided not to elaborate unless she was pushed to do so.

"How can you be sure? Are you saying that if someone were to attack your lover again, you would not do the same in order to protect them?"

"I would do whatever I had to do to protect someone I cared deeply about, but I realise that violence is not a way of solving problems." Nikki spoke quickly to prevent the prosecution's barrister from cutting her off.

"Are you saying that you would never turn to violence again?"

"I can't say that I can see a reason why I would choose to, no."

"How can you be so sure?"

Before Nikki realised what she was saying, the words tumbled out of her mouth. "Because I have been placed in that very same situation, where my lover had been sexually assaulted by someone and I chose to inform a person in authority, rather than seek revenge myself, despite knowing and disliking the perpetrator." As she finished statement, she flicked an apologetic glance over to where Helen was sitting. Helen's head was bowed, her shoulder's beginning to shake. Nikki had to stop herself from calling out as Helen rose to leave the courtroom. She prayed for all she was worth that she would get the chance to apologise to Helen for dragging her ordeal into this. The cross examination seemed to last an eternity until Nikki was finally allowed to step down and retake her place in the dock. As she did so, she noticed a clerk open one of the doors and usher Helen back inside. She refused to make eye contact with Nikki as she retook her seat at the back of the room. No sooner had Nikki reached the dock, than the court decided to break for lunch. Nikki waited to be allowed down from the dock, so that she could go and talk to Helen. Claire came over to her, her face solemn and serious.

"Nikki, I'm afraid they're going to have to take you down to the cells during the recess. The order, which allowed you to be free as long as you wore the tag, was revoked this morning. It's been decided that for the duration of your re-trial, you have to remain in custody. I'm really sorry, I should have warned you. I'll come down to the cell in a minute and explain."

"Can I see Helen?" She felt as though she had been punched in the stomach, that all the air had deserted her lungs leaving her struggling for breath as Claire slowly shook her head.

"I'll go and explain to her now and then I'll be down to see you." Nikki was led away desperately craning her neck to catch a glimpse of her lover before she disappeared down the steps from the dock to the cells below. She saw Helen watch in confusion, pain and tears evident in her eyes. Helen saw her pain and fear mirrored in Nikki's eyes as she was led away and she turned her attention to Claire as Nikki disappeared from view.

"What's going on?" Helen's desperation was evident in her voice. She felt the urge to grab someone and shake them to make them see Nikki was better off with her, not locked away.

"I'm sorry, Helen. It's out of my hands. The curfew order and the electronic tagging were only ever meant to be temporary. They were revoked this morning at the request of the prosecution. The court it would seem agreed that they cannot be seen to be allowing someone on trial for murder to go free every night. It's in her best interests, too. If Nikki's free during the trial, there maybe the suggestion that she interfered with the jury or they may try to contact her."

"And you didn't think to warn us of this possibility? Can I at least see her? She's going to think I hate her for what she said in the witness stand, I need to make her see it just caught me off guard. I need her to know I'm not angry."

"I'm sorry it's not possible. I can pass on a message to her if you want me to."

"Tell her, not to worry about me. I love her and I understand why she had to say what she did. Let her know I'm glad I could help her prove she won't do it again."

Claire nodded and walked off to the cells. She paused turning to Helen again and saying, "you do realise she's not going to be coming home with you tonight don't you?" Lips trembling, Helen nodded and walked off towards the car, watched by the same man as when they had arrived at the courthouse.

Nikki paced up and down the tiny cell. It was even smaller than she had remembered them to be. She sat nervously at the table as the door was unlocked and Claire was shown inside.

"So what now?" Nikki was defensive again and Claire could see from her body language there was a lot of pent up aggression. She just hoped that she could control it when she had heard the full extent of her predicament.

"Now you have lunch and calm down before we go back in. We're doing well in there Nikki. You did brilliantly in the witness stand, I couldn't have asked for anything more."

"So why the hell am I down here? Why am I a danger to the public again all of a sudden, what's changed?"

"I should have warned you before but I really didn't think the prosecution would push for the orders to be revoked. The court thinks it would make them look bad if someone on trial for murder is free to go home at night." She reiterated what she had said to Helen moments earlier.

"So it's alright for me to be out when I'm not on trial, but put me in a courtroom and I'm suddenly going to pounce on every unsuspecting person when I leave. I don't think I'll ever understand the British Justice System." Nikki stood and turned away before asking how Helen had been.

"She sent a message. Said to tell you she loves you and understands why you said what you did. She said she's glad she could help you prove you weren't capable of doing it again." She was about to add how upset Helen had been, but decided Nikki did not need to hear it.

The lunch break seemed to drag as Helen sat in her car trying to comprehend going home without Nikki. It wouldn't seem like her home anymore. Although she had only lived with Nikki for one month, it felt so right she could not imagine going back to living on her own. That thought also scared Helen, fears about attacks and vulnerability coming back to haunt her.

Nikki paced the floor chain-smoking her way through a full packet of cigarettes she'd conned out of Claire during the lunch break. Her mind was working overtime, trying to figure to how she would cope with being back in a cell overnight, unable to reach Helen. A plate of food remained mostly untouched as Nikki's insides were too churned up to think about eating.

Karen Betts sat in her office working her way through the paperwork for that day's arrivals. She scanned down the list for any familiar names and stopped as she saw Nikki Wade's name towards the bottom of the list. She had realised that the re-trial would be soon but had expected her to be held at a different prison for its duration. But then, she reasoned, Larkhall was the most convenient for the court. She made a mental note to greet the van herself, to make sure Nikki was alright. She imagined her reaction to having her freedom with Helen removed and groaned hoping she would not do anything stupid. 'But then she's had a taste of what she stands to lose', Karen thought to herself. Nikki may be hot-headed at times, but she was not stupid or self-destructive.

Nikki heard a key in the lock of her temporary accommodation and looked towards the door expectantly. Claire stepped through, carrying Nikki's holdall having retrieved it from Helen. They sat at the small table, going over details of the incident, making sure Nikki knew what was going to happen and why Claire was going to be asking certain questions of the other witnesses. Then it was time to go back up to the courtroom.

Helen walked the short distance from the car to the courthouse steps before stopping at the sound of her name being called. She turned round to see Dominic jogging up behind her.

"What are you doing here? Are you not working today?" Helen could not believe he was there or work out why.

"I thought you and Nikki might need some moral support. I'm not going back to work, too many bad memories and Di's seriously beginning to freak me out. She's nice and everything but it's getting a bit like a bunny boiler job!" Despite herself, Helen laughed at Dominic's description of Di Barker.

"It's a shame. The Prison Service could really use someone like you in it."

"Yeah, you too. I've no doubt something will turn up. How did things go this morning? I didn't get here 'til about half an hour ago. Where's Nikki?"

Helen felt tears burn her eyes and a lump forming in her throat. "They decided she has to go back to prison during the trial. They've taken her to a cell." Dominic saw how upset she was and put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her. Helen moved forward, leaning against his chest crying as she felt his arms wrap around. Dominic realised that she was probably wishing it was Nikki holding her, but was just grateful of the chance to have her in his arms. After a moment he checked his watch and suggested they had better make a move. Helen wiped her eyes and kissed Dominic on the cheek, thanking him for being so supportive. He kept his distance physically as they entered the courtroom, knowing Nikki would go mad if she got jealous and he would never be forgiven by Helen if his presence caused Nikki to jeopardise her chances. So he was content to sit beside Helen, squeezing her hand just once after they sat down.

Nikki's gaze found Helen as she stepped into the dock again. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw who was sitting next to her lover. She could feel irritation and jealousy rising in her, but forced herself not to think about it. Helen had proved on many occasions how much she loved Nikki. Since saying it aloud for the first time, Nikki had barely been able to stop Helen from telling her she loved her constantly. But she couldn't help but notice how close Dominic was sitting.

Dominic found himself under close scrutiny from Nikki and he thought the best way to deal with would be to smile at her. He did so and held up his fingers which he had crossed to indicate he hoped everything went well for her.

'Tosser,' Nikki thought. 'What's that supposed to mean? Good luck to me or I hope you get banged up again so I can take over with Helen?' Nikki hated herself for having such thoughts. Maybe he had genuinely come to offer her moral support. She forced herself to smile back, switching her gaze to Helen's face. She could tell she had been crying, even from this distance. How she longed to hold her in her arms again and make it all OK.

Helen looked at Nikki's face, watching the silent battle with her emotions going on, clearly visible. She mouthed three words to Nikki just before the judge returned and Nikki had to turn away. Nikki's lingering image of Helen was of her mouthing 'I love you,' to her. Her fears abated, she turned to the front of the courtroom and stood ready for the judge's return.

The rest of the day's proceedings passed by in a blur. All Nikki could think about was the fact that she wouldn't be going home with Helen at the end of the day. Although they had made the morning special in case of this happening, neither of them had truly expected it would. It did not even occur to her that she would be returning to Larkhall. When the judge decided they had heard enough for one day, Nikki's defence team had only one remaining witness, Mrs Gossard. The two WPC's who were testifying had both been very clear and precise in giving their evidence, but Nikki was beginning to think it was hopeless. Under cross examination, holes had appeared in their stories, small inconsistencies but significant all the same and it was enough she felt to undermine their testimony. At the end of the day's proceedings, she was led away to the cells underneath the court to await transfer to a prison. Claire made her way down there too after speaking briefly to Helen.

Dominic walked back to Helen's car with her. He could sense she was upset and asked if she wanted to go for something to eat. She agreed, wanting to put off going home to an empty house again, although she warned him she would not be very good company. He simply smiled and climbed into the passenger seat of her car.

Nikki was slumped on the bench when Claire entered the cell, looking as if she had already been tried found guilty and sentenced to another 20 years in prison.

"It's not that bad Nikki. We still have Mrs Gossard's testimony tomorrow."

"Yeah, but the fact still remains that I killed him. Just because he was a bastard doesn't mean I should have done that. You can produce as many witnesses as you like to say that he was cruel, but it's not going to help is it? Be honest, we're grasping at straws aren't we?"

"Nikki, you always knew it was going to be difficult. We have to remain positive. They wouldn't have let you out to await trial if they were going to dismiss it out of hand."

"Thanks Claire you've just answered my question for me without even trying." Claire was shaken by how badly the day had affected Nikki's confidence. Before, she had been quite optimistic about her chances, but now she seemed to be giving up hope.

Before either of them could say anything further, the door swung open and a security guard informed them the van was ready to take Nikki to Larkhall for the night. She sighed, grabbing her belongings and picking up her suit jacket from the back of the chair and followed the guard out, nodding to acknowledge Claire's 'See you tomorrow.'

As the van drove away from the courthouse, Helen parked outside the restaurant suddenly feeling very guilty about what she was doing. Nikki would be at this very moment heading back to a lonely cramped prison cell and here she was about to dine out with a man she knew had feelings for her. She was about to take a rain check, when Dominic ushered her inside and the maitre d' pounced on them showing them to a secluded table. He looked appreciatively at Helen before smiling at Dominic and pulling out a chair for Helen to sit on. Dominic blushed as he realised they had been mistaken for a couple, but secretly enjoyed the thought of playing along with the charade. The lights were low and a candle was burning slowly in the centre of their table. Helen felt uncomfortable, but did not have the nerve to get up and walk out now they were seated, so she took the menu offered to her. Dominic sensed her tension and smiled at her apologetically.

"If I'd known it had gone so slushy I wouldn't have suggested here." He hoped she could not tell he was lying.

"It's OK. I just feel a bit like a goldfish. The staff are practically tripping over themselves to get a look at us."

"Must be a slow evening." The waiter arrived to take their drinks orders and was disappointed when they agreed on a jug of iced water.

Nikki bounced about in the back of the transport van, hands placed flat against the walls to avoid bumping too much. After one final heave, the van finally settled in the forecourt of Larkhall Prison. The guard was surprised to see the Governor of G-Wing awaiting their arrival.

"Unload this lot first, leave her until the last. I want to speak to her. I can do that while the others are being processed." Karen indicated to Nikki's name on the list. The guard nodded and set about unlocking the other doors. Nikki heard him walk past her door and was about to start shouting the odds when a familiar voice said, "Don't worry Nikki, we haven't forgotten you. I just thought you might appreciate it being a bit quieter when we let you out." Nikki sat back and waited while the rest of the new arrivals were taken off and then stayed seated when her door was finally opened.

"I just couldn't keep away from the place." Nikki's voice broke as she struggled to stop the tears burning her eyes from coursing down her cheeks. Karen could see she had been crying for most of the journey, her eyes were red and puffy, dark spots on her crisp suit jacket.

"Come on, let's get you inside." Karen put an arm around Nikki's shoulders as she walked in through the door with her. The difference she saw in Nikki was remarkable as she walked with her head down and shoulders slumped forward. She looked to Karen for all the world like someone who had given up any hope of ever seeing the outside of a prison ever again and she guessed that the first day had not been a success. She decided not to ask Nikki about it thinking it would be too painful. Karen stayed while Nikki was processed and then made sure she was the first to be searched.

Helen found that once she got over the awkwardness of the situation, she actually enjoyed the evening. Dominic's company kept her mind occupied as he talked of his plans for the future. The food was fantastic and she vowed to bring Nikki here to celebrate when she was released. Helen suddenly realised that it was more likely to be _if_ she was released and it sobered her mood. They had both finished eating and had been sitting chatting for a lengthy spell, so she decided that it would not be untoward of her to suggest making a move. Dominic hid his disappointment well. He had been enjoying the evening immensely and was sorry it had to come to an end, but he understood Helen was still upset about Nikki. As they walked to the car, Helen turned to him.

"I'll drop you home. You'll have to give me directions."

"There's no need, I'll get a taxi or you can drop me off at the bus stop."

"Nonsense, I'm not tired and it's the least I can do to thank you for being so understanding and for the moral support today." They climbed into the car and Dominic directed Helen to the end of his road. She turned in and waited for him to point out which one was his, driving slowly so she did not miss it. Pulling up outside, she thanked him again for a pleasant evening.

"No problem. I'll see you tomorrow? I think Nikki's going to need all the friends she can get, she looked really down this afternoon."

"I know she'd appreciate it, I certainly would." Dominic felt emboldened by this statement.

"Would you like to come in for a coffee or something?" Helen was tempted. Anything to avoid going home alone.

"Better not. Early start in the morning and it's getting late. Besides I want to get back in case they let Nikki phone. I don't want to miss her."

"Sure, I understand. See you tomorrow then."

"I'll pick you up, if you like. Save you the bus fare."

"Great thanks." He climbed from the car and waved her off as she called goodnight. 'Yeah 'night gorgeous,' he muttered to himself unaware he was being watched by Di Barker from the shadows across the road.

Nikki was led to a segregation cell which would be her home for the night. Karen stepped into the cell behind her, apologising for the lack of storage space. "We'll see if we can't get you a bed on the wing tomorrow. I had no idea they would be putting you back in here."

"Neither did I. Can I use the phone?"

"I'm sorry Nikki, it's past lock-up, you know the rules." Nikki nodded and began to empty her holdall until she found what she was looking for. Karen stepped silently from the cell as Nikki gazed longingly at her photograph of Helen. As she locked the door, Karen heard Nikki give way to the tears that had threatened so often since she had arrived back. Walking to the officer on duty, she instructed him to keep an eye on Nikki. "I want her on suicide watch, just in case she tries anything."

To Be Continued…


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

E-mail me: liz_

**Shit Happens - Chapter Fifteen**

Helen walked through the front door and sighed as she heard the echo of the empty flat. Her thoughts turned to her lover locked away in a cramped, dirty cell in the name of justice. She rushed to the answer machine as she realised the light was blinking. Hoping for a message from Nikki but worrying that she had not been in to receive the call, she pressed the playback button and waited for the messages to rewind. One message was from her father nagging Helen to explain herself for the thousandth time, another was from a friend hoping to arrange a catch-up drink and the final message was from Karen Betts. Helen played the message again as she dissolved into tears.

"Helen, hi it's Karen Betts. I'm just calling to let you know Nikki's arrived safe and sound and we'll take good care of her. I'm sorry she couldn't phone herself, she wanted to but it was past lock-up when she got sorted. Hope tomorrow goes better in court. Call me sometime, anytime you want a chat. We could go for that drink. Speak to you soon. 'Bye." Helen hadn't thought it had gone that badly. Obviously Nikki knew something she didn't. She couldn't bare to think of Nikki such a long way away and totally out of reach. She wanted to hold her close and tell her everything would be alright like Nikki had done for Helen so often.

"Oh Nikki, why is life with you never straightforward?" Helen sighed again as she made her way through to the bedroom, to the bed where only a little over twelve hours earlier she had lain making love to Nikki. She sunk onto the bed sobbing, mourning what she feared was lost.

Nikki knew she was not going to get any sleep at all. Her mind would not let her even if she could get comfortable on the hard thin mattress. It was amazing, she mused, how quickly she had become accustomed to the creature comforts of freedom. She wondered if Helen was alright, worrying about her in the flat on her own. The counselling was going well, but Nikki knew there was still a long way to go before Helen had completed her recovery from the trauma. She wished she had been able to speak to her, even if only for a moment, to make sure she was alright. She wondered whether she would get chance the next day. Her mind raced through the events in court, her testimony, the statements of Tricia's that had been read out, the testimony of the WPC's sexually harassed by the bastard she had killed. Nikki could not feel angry about what had happened anymore, she merely felt disgust at the initial attack and remorse for taking another person's life, although the remorse was more because of what she had lost rather than respect for the life she'd taken. She was thankful that it had presented her with the opportunity to know Helen, but it hurt so much to think that it was now all going to be snatched back from her. Although only a month had passed, she had managed for the most part to forget she was living on borrowed time. She rose from the bed, listening to the catcalls from other inmates. She had forgotten how noisy it was, memories of the place having been replaced by new, much pleasanter ones. She stood looking out at the night sky, thinking of the love of her life, wondering if she was doing the same. Tears began to stream once again as the hatch opened undetected on her cell door.

Helen rolled over from her position on the bed to face the window. The moon was casting an eerie shadow over her room, the light cold and shallow like the feeling in Helen's heart without Nikki by her side. She wondered if Nikki was managing to sleep at all, doubting it wholeheartedly. She got up and crossed to the window to look out at the garden Nikki had so lovingly created for Helen. At least she had a tangible reminder of their time together. She turned away again looking at the photo she had beside the bed. Nikki smiled out at her and she cursed not having got someone to take one of them together. Stroking her thumb down Nikki's cheek in the photograph, Helen picked it up before lying back down on the bed hugging it to her, tears already springing to her eyes once more.

Nikki held the photograph tightly to her as the guard left her cell. She was curled up in a ball on the floor, sobbing for all she was worth. The attack had been swift but brutal, leaving her breathless and shaking, confused what she had done to deserve it. Miss Barker had always been one of the nicer screws, always willing to make allowances for the inmates. All the time, she had been muttering something under her breath, but Nikki could not hear properly as she shielded her head from the blows raining down on her. Could her life get any worse, she wondered.

The sunlight poured into Helen's room waking her from where she lay dozing. She screwed her eyes up against the blinding intrusion and made a mental note to herself that when she got a new place she was to make sure it got the sun in the evening, not the morning. It did not help that she had only fallen asleep an hour ago. She looked over at the clock and groaned. It was nearly time to get up anyway so she dragged herself out of bed. She did not remember when she had undressed or got under the covers, but obviously must have done at some point as she found herself naked and cocooned in the duvet. She staggered rather inelegantly towards the bathroom for a shower. Everything seemed to remind her of what Nikki was missing out on, but she vowed to put a brave face on it for Nikki's sake. She needed Helen to be strong for her, to show her everything would be alright.

Nikki stirred as she heard the door being unlocked and shuffled back into the corner, half expecting another visit from Officer Barker. For once in her life, she was relieved to see Bodybag at the door, barking at Nikki to get a move on if she wanted a shower before she had breakfast.

"I knew you wouldn't be gone long. Your sort always end up back here."

"Yeah well it won't be for long, Miss," Nikki retorted with more confidence than she felt. Nikki swanned past Hollamby, stiff from the beating during the night, her prison issue towel slung over one shoulder. Her shower was a brief affair, none of the lingering she was used to at Helen's flat. Despite this having been the way of life for three years, she felt strangely self-conscious of being placed in that situation again. As she dressed in her suit, smoothing out the creases that had formed overnight, she vowed not to let Helen see how hard it was. With all that had happened, the last thing Helen needed was for Nikki to fall apart at the first sign of a problem.

Helen cursed at the traffic lights hoping her words would will them to change faster. She was late and had to take a detour to pick Dominic up yet and typically, the traffic was horrendous.

The prison van trundled through the streets, winding its way to the courthouse. Nikki was sure they took corners too fast on purpose, knowing how cramped the cells were in the back and not caring about the welfare of their passengers.

Helen took off again before Dominic had finished closing his door. She was desperate to get to the courthouse, not wanting Nikki to think she did not care enough to arrive on time. Dominic tried to make small talk as they drove, hoping to calm Helen down fearing the car would not make it to its destination, either crashing or being stopped by the police. He gave up after a short while, realising he was fighting a losing battle. He doubted anything would prevent Helen from reaching her lover's side.

Nikki was glad they had arrived at the courthouse. She was sore enough from the incident during the night and the journey had not been gentle on her aching body. She was also desperate to catch sight of Helen. Never had one night seemed so long. It felt like she had not seen her for years her heart was yearning so badly.

Helen did not care if she was taking up two spaces as she parked by the courthouse. She grabbed her bag and broke into a steady trot, Dominic scuttling along beside her having a difficult time keeping up. She burst through the doors, swatting aside all the gathered journalists trying to get a reaction for their respective newspapers. One or two scribbled down notes as Dominic's presence was noted and speculation began into his part in the picture.

Nikki was led up to the dock as Helen and Dominic took their seats. Her stomach was feeling worse than when she had left Larkhall, the pain becoming incessant and making her head swim. She felt sick, too, but put that down to the fact she was nervous as hell. She looked around for Helen as soon as her head was above the dock. She sighed with relief when she saw her. She looked tired but okay and at least she had Dominic to look after her. As long as that was all he did. She smiled at Helen, her smile turning to a grimace as a sharp pain shot through her.

Nikki looked worse than Helen had ever seen her. Her attempt at a smile had failed and if Helen was not mistaken, she seemed to be in pain. She looked as though she had not slept at all either, although Helen did not suppose she looked much different herself. She was about to dash over to the dock to make sure she was alright, when they were instructed to rise for the arrival of the judge. Helen looked back to Nikki, who's eyes held a momentary silent plea before she had to turn to the front.

Claire walked over to Helen after the defence had completed its presentation and the judge had called for a short recess. She too was worried about the state of Nikki. Even though she had been downhearted at the end of the previous day, she had still been quite vocal. Today Claire was finding it hard to keep Nikki's attention and to draw any statements out of her at all. The only thing she kept doing was asking to see Helen.

"Morning, Helen. I'm sorry I didn't get to see you before we went in this morning, but I had to spend quite a bit of time with Nikki. It took a long time to get through to her. I don't think she's slept at all and she's finding it hard to concentrate. She said to tell you she misses you. She wanted to phone last night but they wouldn't let her, it was too late. She didn't want you to think she hadn't tried."

"Is she OK? I mean she seemed to be in pain."

"I didn't notice. She hasn't said anything. I'll go and ask her, make sure she's OK to continue. I just wanted to see if you wanted me to pass on a message again?"

"Just tell her I miss her and I love her and I'll speak to her soon, I promise." Claire nodded and squeezed Helen's arm before making her way down to the cells.

Nikki lay on the bench. Her head would not stop spinning. She couldn't sit because it hurt too much and if she stood up she thought she'd pass out, so she lay, staring at the ceiling. Another wave of nausea washed over her. She lost consciousness as she went to turn onto her side.

Claire waited patiently as the guard fumbled with his keys. Finding the right one, he looked through the spy hole to check where the prisoner was before unlocking, not wanting any surprises. Suddenly Claire's interest was aroused as he hit the alarm button and began to unlock the door with urgency. She feared Nikki had done something stupid, the morning had not gone well with the prosecution tearing Mrs Gossard's testimony apart under cross examination. The door swung open after what seemed like an age and the officer rushed inside, closely followed by Claire. Nikki lay, head leaning to one side, blood trickling from the corner of her mouth. There were gurgling sounds coming from her throat and the officer pulled her onto her side, realising she was choking on the blood. As she was turned, more blood gushed forth forming a sickening pool on the floor at the officer's feet. Claire was about to dial for an ambulance when the guard informed her one was on its way. They were swiftly joined by other officers who set about making sure Nikki was alive and able to breath. As the paramedics arrived, Claire went in search of Helen.

Helen watched the ambulance draw up outside the courthouse and then pull round to the side before disappearing inside. Her heart was in her mouth fearing something had happened to Nikki or that Nikki had done something silly. Her fears were confirmed by a tap on the shoulder. She swung round to see Claire's worried, solemn face.

"You were right about Nikki. We found her unconscious in her cell. The paramedics are with her now. She's in good hands."

"I want to see her." Helen started to run towards the ambulance but Dominic caught her, pulling her back.

"They won't let you in, Helen. We'll follow the ambulance to the hospital when they bring her out." Helen continued to struggle in Dominic's arms, sobbing with fear. Despite her adrenaline she was no match for Dominic. He held her tightly, feeling her heaving chest calm slightly. Claire, seeing he had the situation under control made her way back down to the cell, to see what was going to happen.

They were wheeling Nikki out on a stretcher as Claire arrived. Her complexion was pallid and she had an oxygen mask covering part of her face. Her head was turned to one side to prevent her from choking again.

"How is she?"

"Not too good I'm afraid. We'll know more when we get her to hospital, looks like someone has given her a bit of a beating though."

"What? Which hospital are you taking her to?"

"St James'. Like I said we'll know more when we get her to hospital. Are you coming with her?"

"Erm…no, I can't I have to sort out things here, see whether I can get the trial postponed for a day or two. Her partner and a friend will be following you though and I presume one of these officers will be going too." An officer nodded, moving to climb in the back of the ambulance.

Dominic familiarised himself with the controls in Helen's car. They had agreed mutually that he was in a better state to drive and Helen's insurance covered him. Helen was sure she would not make it to the hospital if she drove, so gave up the wheel willingly. Her mind was racing. Claire had said the paramedic had suggested Nikki had been beaten. She wondered how someone had got to her. Karen had said it was after lock when Nikki had been shown to her cell and she would have been on her own, Helen knew that from past experience of women on trial she'd dealt with. That meant that it had to have been an officer, unless it happened in the showers that morning, which Helen doubted due to the respect Nikki had always been afforded by the majority of the inmates. But then why would an officer risk their career by beating an inmate in solitary? She suddenly realised Dominic had been talking to her and she had missed everything he had said.

"Sorry, Dom, I was miles away. What were you saying?"

"I was just wondering if you had any idea who'd want to hurt Nikki? I mean I know there was the whole Laura thing, but she's been moved and her friends don't really care that much any more."

"I was wondering the same myself. Maybe Nikki'll be able to shed some light when she recovers." Helen could not bring herself to think about the possibility of Nikki not recovering. They pulled into the hospital carpark and Helen jumped out while Dominic sorted out the fee. He caught up with Helen as she argued with the receptionist about getting details of Nikki's condition.

"I'm the closest she's got to family for God's sake."

"I'm sorry, I can't give details to non-family members. If you'd care to wait I'll get a doctor to speak to you when there is some news." Helen growled in frustration and was about to start arguing again when Dominic pulled her away from the desk.

"You're not going to help like that. We'll just have to take a seat and wait." The receptionist nodded smugly but Dominic shot her a warning look not to push it or he would not hold Helen back again. Helen slumped sulkily into one of the plastic seats as Dominic went off in search of a drinks machine. When he made it back, he almost dropped the coffees he was carrying as he saw who Helen was talking to. Karen Betts regarded Dominic with interest as he handed Helen a cup.

"Well, well. If it isn't the wanderer. I found your resignation letter this morning on my desk. Has it really come to this? I've already lost one officer…" Remembering Helen's part in Jim's dismissal she quickly apologised, "Oh God Helen I'm sorry, I didn't think." Helen was too worried about Nikki to care. She shrugged off Karen's concerns and looked up expectantly as a doctor emerged through double doors at the end of the waiting room. The doctor stepped up to the desk and spoke quietly to the receptionist, who gestured in Helen's direction. The doctor turned and walked towards the trio waiting expectantly, his expression unreadable even under Helen's close scrutiny.

To Be Continued…


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

E-mail me: liz_

**Shit Happens - Chapter Sixteen**

"Are you waiting for news of a Nicola Wade?" Still the doctor gave no clue as to Nikki's condition.

"Yes, how is she?"

"Let's go somewhere a bit quieter shall we?" The doctor moved towards a room off the waiting area before Helen could protest. When they were inside and seated, the door shut and blinds closed, he spoke again. "Miss Wade is in a stable condition, but we need consent from her next of kin to perform exploratory surgery. Are any of you relatives?" They all shook their heads.

"Why does she need surgery?" Helen's heart was beating so fast she could barely speak.

"I'm afraid she's bleeding internally and we need to find out where. She's already lost a lot of blood so we need to get moving on this quickly. Do you have a contact number for her parents or a close relation?" Karen and Dominic both looked to Helen, who shook her head again.

"Nikki doesn't have anything to do with her parents, she hasn't seen them for 18 years."

"Would there be anything in her file at Larkhall?" Karen enquired, ready to phone the prison to get a number. But again Helen shook her head.

"The only contact number Nikki had was Tricia's."

"So who's she, a sister?"

"Her ex-partner. Anyway she died in an accident."

"So what relation are you all to Miss Wade?" The doctor was becoming a little exasperated with this complex set up. All he wanted was a signature. In turn they introduced themselves and it was decided tat Helen was the nearest to qualify to give consent. She signed the form and the doctor went to prepare for surgery, informing them they could wait in the room for privacy and he would let them know how it went as soon as he could.

The operation seemed to take forever. Helen kept glancing at the clock on the wall and then her watch as though it would go more swiftly on one than the other. A nurse popped her head in to ask if they wanted anything, but was met with short no's all round. They had all had more than enough coffee to last them a lifetime and it had had a detrimental effect on Helen's already shattered nerves. Nervous energy was all she was running on by the time Claire joined them. Helen needed to sleep but the caffeine she had ingested was keeping her awake, that and a stubborn determination to be awake when the doctor returned despite having not slept. She was becoming manic, gabbling and talking incessantly one moment, then staring silently into space the next. Her behaviour was worrying her companions. Dominic sat next to her as she hit a low and began to cry, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He hugged her to him, rocking her back and forth as Karen and Claire spoke quietly, discussing whether they should ask a nurse to give her something.

Helen in her distraught state allowed herself to believe that it was Nikki holding her, making everything alright. She felt so tired but needed to stay awake, she needed to know Nikki was going to be alright. She felt herself drifting and went to sit up, but strong arms held her where she was. A voice told her to rest, that she would be better to Nikki if she had a rest and then saw her. She buried her face into the shirt, closing her eyes briefly.

Dominic felt Helen's body go limp and her breathing become steadier. Claire looked down at her face and nodded to him, indicating she had fallen asleep in his arms. It felt so right to be holding Helen so close. He dreamed of doing this every night, holding her while she slept. Unfortunately, just as she dozed off, the doctor returned.

The sound of the door opening jolted Helen's eyes open again. She stood up, shaking off Dominic's arms waiting expectantly for news of her lover. The doctor again gave nothing away in his expression.

"Please, sit down." Helen's heart stopped beating. That was not a good sign. They did not tell you to sit down unless the news was not good. The doctor waited as Helen sunk back into the chair. "The operation found Miss Wade to be bleeding from her spleen. There was a tear and a lot of internal bruising. Miss Wade…"

"Her name's Nikki." Helen interjected.

"Nikki must have been bleeding for anything up to five hours but she's lucky it was only a small tear. As I said before she has lost a lot of blood. We have given her a blood transfusion to replace the blood she's lost. She's come through the operation but the next 48 hours will be critical."

"Can I see her?" Helen's eyes desperately roamed over the doctors face, searching for some sign of confirmation.

"Alright, but only for a moment. She's still unconscious and there is a lot of machinery around her. It's not as bad as it looks, they are just keeping an eye on her, making sure she stays with us. I'll take you to her now if you're ready?" Helen nodded and rose shakily to her feet, her legs almost giving way from exhaustion. Dominic placed a hand under her elbow asking if it was alright to walk with them, for Helen's sake. The doctor agreed realising it would be beneficial for her to have some support, moral and physical.

The doctor guided them to intensive care and he and Dominic watched Helen disappear through the door escorted to Nikki's bedside by a nurse.

"She will be OK, won't she doctor?" Dominic asked before the doctor left.

"She's very ill. She was lucky to be found when she was. Much longer and we may not have been able to save her." Dominic watched him walk away, before turning his attention back to the small window in the ITU door.

Helen sat next to Nikki's bed, shocked by how pale her normally vibrant face was. Even though she was lifeless, her beauty shone through. The nurse had explained that she was being kept sedated, to allow her body to get over the shock of losing so much blood. Helen picked up her hand, shocked at how cold it felt. Wrapping both of her own around it, she stroked gently, whispering to Nikki that she was there, that everything was going to be fine. A nurse arrived to ask Helen to leave all too soon. She planted a tender kiss on Nikki's forehead, watched by the officer assigned to guard Nikki and then turned to leave. As she pushed through the doors, she burst into tears again. Dominic had decided to wait for Helen rather than go back to the relatives room. He walked towards her. She collapsed into his embrace, needing support as they walked back.

Claire had just finished explaining to Karen what was happening with the trial when Helen and Dominic arrived back. Dominic sat Helen down in one of the chairs, before anyone spoke. It was Karen who broke the silence.

"How is she?" Helen could not summon the words and simply shook her head before dissolving into tears again. Dominic walked over to where the other two women were stood and they huddled together, deciding what to do for the best.

"Dominic, do you want to drive Helen home? I'll follow in my car, I think it would be a good idea for someone to stay with her tonight" Claire turned to Karen, "what are you going to do about posting a guard for Nikki tonight? There's the possibility that it was a Prison Officer that did this to Nikki, so if I were you I'd make a careful choice as to who to put on duty tonight."

"Di Barker can do it. She's not capable of harming a fly. I'm sure she won't mind a change of scenery. I've got to go back to Larkhall in a minute so I'll arrange it then."

"We'll make sure the hospital has Helen's phone number, just in case there's any news." Helen had not even realised that there were decisions being made, she was numb from the shock of what had happened and from seeing Nikki so lifeless and vulnerable. She jumped as Karen placed a hand on her arm.

"I've got to get back Helen, are you going to be OK? Let me know if there's anything you need. I'll find out how this happened I promise. Whoever did this to Nikki is not going to get away with it." Helen nodded and thanked Karen, realising that Claire and Dominic were getting ready to leave as well, she stood to see them off. Dominic grabbed her jacket and began manoeuvring her to the door.

"I can't leave. What if Nikki wakes up? I want to be here if she does."

"We'll leave the hospital your number. They'll call if anything changes, but it's not likely to. She'll be kept sedated tonight at least. You won't be any good to her if you can barely stay awake when she does come round. The last thing she'd want is for you to get ill, too. Dominic's going to drive you home, I'll follow and then I'll stay with you tonight. That way I can explain what will happen with the rest of the trial." Helen was glad she had persuaded Claire to take on Nikki's case. It felt good to know she had a friend on Nikki's side and she knew Claire would pull out all the stops to get Nikki free. She also knew Claire was as stubborn and determined as herself when she had made her mind up and so knew it was futile to argue. She let herself be walked to her car and put into the passenger seat. She felt as though everything was happening through a fog, her mind not quite processing the information as it should. Dominic waited for Claire to reverse her car out of its space before driving away to Helen's flat.

They sat in Helen's lounge, listening to her wandering around the kitchen fixing drinks, but had already been shooed so knew not to interfere. Helen had opted for hot chocolate, knowing tea or coffee would be more caffeine than her brain could cope with. She handed two steaming mugs to each of her guests before retreating to fetch her own. She sunk into the armchair beside the phone, staring at it as though willing it to ring and tell her it had all been a mistake, that Nikki was safely tucked up somewhere safe and sound. Dominic drank up and then made his excuses and left. He arranged for Claire to phone him with any news of Nikki. Closing the door, Claire returned to the lounge to find Helen in tears again, exhaustion and events catching up with her and overwhelming her completely. Claire folded her arms around Helen and pulled her to her feet.

Helen stood still as Claire stripped off her clothes, feeling totally devoid of energy. She let herself be laid on the bed and felt the duvet being pulled up over her and wrapped around her. Claire stayed for a few minutes until she was sure Helen had settled, stroking a hand over her forehead. Helen did not hear Claire leave the room as she was already sleeping, joining Nikki in a dream world where no one could hurt them any more.

Nikki sat under a low-hanging tree by a river, sheltering from the heat of the midday sun. She watched Helen approach with a smile that could light the darkest of nights. She welcomed her with open arms, pulling her close for a passionate kiss. They sat side by side talking about what they would do with the rest of their lives, now that they were free to spend it together.

Di Barker arrived at the hospital early for her shift to take over guarding Nikki Wade. She smiled at the irony of Karen placing her in charge, believing her to be incapable of such an attack as had placed Nikki in hospital. She walked up to the ITU and relieved the existing officer of his duty. She sat looking over at Nikki as she slept, unaware of the danger she was in. Di vowed to wait for the right time to finish the job, watching the nurses building up a pattern of their movements. She would wait and then Helen 'Bloody' Stewart would see to back off from her man. Was that woman never satisfied with what she had? It was not Dominic's fault, Helen was a beautiful woman who used her looks to exploit poor souls like him.

Nikki snuggled closer to Helen as they lay naked on the blanket under the tree. She buried her face in Helen's shoulder, but Helen suddenly pressed herself into Nikki's face, holding her there. Nikki tried to struggle but she could not move, nor could she breathe. She tried to tell Helen she was suffocating, but her vocal chords did not respond to her efforts. Everything was becoming more and more distant.

Helen lay next to Nikki under the tree, holding her close listening to the birds and the river flowing by. They had made love in the open air and it had felt fantastic. Their freedom had brought a new passion alive in them. She stroked a hand through Nikki's short hair. Nikki nuzzled her neck, kissing her lightly as a bell rang incessantly in the distance, breaking the peace of the countryside idyll.

To Be Continued…


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own the characters from Bad Girls, they are the property of Shed Productions with the exception of Laura Gossard who is completely fictional from my own head, innit. They are used here without permission, purely for entertainment purposes, not profit.

Copyright: Copyright of this piece belongs to Liz Mulligan. Please do not reproduce it without permission.

As this is my first attempt at writing a BG-based story, I would be grateful of any feedback.

E-mail me: liz_

**Shit Happens - Chapter Seventeen**

Claire did not really want to wake Helen. She looked so content, with the faintest hint of a smile playing at the edges of her mouth. But that had been the hospital on the phone. The officer on duty had been caught trying to suffocate Nikki and Claire knew Helen would go mad if she found out there had been news and she had not been told as soon as possible. Besides, Helen needed to know, there were bound to be questions needing answering. Fortunately for Nikki, the attempt had been a dismal failure due to the oxygen line Nikki was attached to. The officer had neglected to remove this before attempting to suffocate Nikki so she had done little damage, although Nikki was understandably disturbed by the incident and asking for Helen constantly.

Helen felt someone stroking her forehead, although Nikki's arms were still clamped around Helen's body. Helen tilted her head back and found Claire standing over them calling Helen's name. Suddenly the river and Nikki disappeared and Helen realised that it had only been a dream. But she could still hear Claire calling her name and feel her hand on her head. Forcing her eyes open, she took a moment to focus on Claire' s face peering down at her, a concerned expression. Helen sat up abruptly, remembering why Claire was staying over.

"Nikki?"

"She's OK Helen. She nearly wasn't but she's going to be fine. The officer that was put on duty, Di Barker, was interrupted by a nurse as she tried to suffocate her." Helen swung her legs from the bed and began dressing hurriedly as Claire continued to explain what had happened as she understood it.

They took Claire's car. Helen barked at Claire to get them there faster for the whole journey. Claire resolutely ignored her, although she pushed the upper limits of the speed limit. She too was anxious to reach the hospital, to find out exactly what had happened to drive this seemingly trustworthy Prison Officer to attempted murder.

Helen dashed through the doors and bounded up the stairs to ITU. She was stopped at the doors by a police officer who informed her they were interviewing Nikki at that minute so she would have to wait to see her. She paced up and down the corridor outside, impatiently as Claire talked quietly to the officer, having finally caught up with Helen. She knew prison workers had to be fit, but keeping up with Helen was like chasing a young child. She seemed to find energy from nowhere. Eventually, Helen was allowed in to see her lover, although Nikki by that time was exhausted from both the operation and the exertion of talking to the police.

"Helen…" Nikki's voice was a rasping croak.

"Sshh, it's OK I'm not going to leave you again." Tears formed in Helen's eyes as she gazed down at Nikki's own fearful, distraught expression. "You need to rest, sweetheart. I promise I'll be here when you wake up. I won't let anyone else do anything to you." Helen sat beside Nikki's bed, holding her hand and stroking her face until she drifted off to sleep. Claire crept into the cubicle now guarded by a hospital security officer until a suitable replacement could be found.

"How is she?" she whispered as she joined Helen at Nikki's bedside.

"I don't know. She was so exhausted, I just wanted her to get some rest. She needs it to help her recover."

"Are you staying?"

"Of course, I'm not leaving her to anyone else's mercy again. Karen said she'd be safe last time, well this time I'm going to make sure." Claire nodded and squeezed Helen's shoulder. "Did you find out anything? About why Di did it?"

"Apparently, it's got something to do with Dominic McAllister. Nikki said Di was muttering about him and you when she attacked her in the cell, she couldn't make out much, but she heard both your names mentioned."

"So it was Di who put her here in the first place?"

"It would seem so, Helen I'm so sorry. I had no idea." Karen had slipped into the room without them noticing. After checking to see that Helen and Nikki were both going to be OK, Karen and Claire left the hospital again. Karen gave strict instructions to the private security guard she had had brought in to cover. She had taken this unusual step for two reasons 1) because she did not know which of the other officers she could trust to treat Nikki with the respect she deserved and 2) because she could not really afford another member of staff unavailable to cover on the Wing.

As they were walking back to the carpark, Karen said to Claire, "I just don't know what's got into the officers at that place, they're more psychotic than the inmates." Claire just smiled and said goodnight again.

Helen woke slumped forward onto the edge of Nikki's bed, a blanket covering her which she assumed had been donated by a nurse after she fell asleep. She sat up in the chair, stretching out her stiff back and massaging some feeling back into the arm her head had been resting on. Nikki stirred as she stretched and reached out for Helen's hand, slightly panicky. A thin layer of sweat had formed across her brow.

"Nikki, it's OK sweetheart, I'm here." Helen took Nikki's hand in both of her own, ignoring the pins and needles she felt.

"Why am I so bad for you, Helen?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well look at what's happened since you got involved with me."

"Hey, don't talk like that. Not of it was your fault and I don't regret getting involved with you one bit."

"Yeah but look at what you've lost, your career, the man you loved, the chance for kids…"

"Sshh, I don't care about any of that, it doesn't matter to me as much as you do. What matters is that you're going to get better and then we're going to get you free and we'll start again, together. And you said yourself, there are ways of having children, I can get a new career and I obviously didn't love Sean, 'cause otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here now."

"Maybe, but…"

"No buts, Nikki. I love you more than anything else I've ever known. Nothing else matters." Nikki did not respond although a single tear wound its way down her pale cheek. Helen brushed it away lightly, feeling tears of her own springing forth once again. She soothed Nikki until she was sure she was asleep once more before resting her head on Nikki's bed again, feeling the lack of sleep catching up with her, too.

Nikki was soon back on her feet and well enough for the trial to continue. This was of little comfort to Helen who had become used to spending much of her time with Nikki again at the hospital. The prosecution presented a convincing case for keeping Nikki locked away. The forensic evidence could not be argued with, nor could the testimony of the arresting officers, but then it was never in doubt that Nikki's actions on that fateful night in the club had led to the police officer's death. What was being questioned was whether it was cold blooded murder as the initial trial judge had decided or a spur of the moment lapse in control. Before either Nikki or Helen realised the opposing sides were offering their concluding statements and the outcome of Nikki's re-trial was in the hands of the jury.

Nikki was taken down from the dock while the jury considered their verdict. She paced back and fort in the tiny holding cell, her mind going over the events leading up to Gossard's death wondering if given the opportunity she would do the same again. Helen's ordeal had been different. Nikki had nothing with which to lash out at Fenner and she had so wanted to lash out at him. To make him feel just a fraction of the pain and suffering Helen had had to endure would give Nikki great satisfaction. It was thoughts such as this that led her to question whether she was good for Helen. They loved each other desperately, without question, but was that enough. She had taken so much away from Helen and exposed her to things no one should have to go through. Nikki did not kid herself that things would be fine and dandy if the verdict was in her favour, she knew they had a long way to go yet before things became anything like plain-sailing and she did not know whether she could stand by and watch Helen go through any more suffering. If all she was going to do was destroy everything Helen had worked so hard to achieve and put her in dangerous, violent situations, what was the point of carrying on? 'If you love someone, you do not deliberately and knowingly do that to them,' she thought.

Helen paced up and down the corridor outside the courtroom, waiting anxiously. She wondered how Nikki was holding together. She had seemed different to Helen since going into hospital. Something in her had changed. It was more of an intuition than a fact at the moment but it had started with the cryptic conversation about Nikki being no good for Helen the morning after Di's attempt on her life. Helen worried that she was going off her, that she had found her feelings to be just a crush that was now fading. It was becoming harder to talk to her. Nikki seemed intent on driving her away at times and yet still claimed to love her. She vowed to question her about it once they had the trial out of the way. Her thoughts were interrupted by the clerk informing them the jury had returned.

An hour after adjourning to consider their verdict, the jury filed back into the courtroom, watched by an anxious Nikki who had waited for this moment for so long and now wished it was a thousand years away. Helen could not stop fidgeting, her hands shaking and demanding to be kept moving. She wanted this moment to be over badly, so she could take Nikki home again. At the back of her mind a little voice was struggling to be heard. 'What if…? What if…?' She tuned back in as the judge asked the jury if they had reached a decision.

"We have, your Honour."

"In the case of the Crown versus Nicola Wade on the charge of murder, do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?"

"Not guilty." Helen felt like screaming, but the judge was suddenly asking another question.

"In the case of the Crown versus Nicola Wade on the charge of manslaughter, do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?"

"Guilty."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury…" Nikki's delight turned to horror as she heard the full verdict. Shit, shit, shit. She had expected as much really but it could still not prepare her for the inevitability of what lay ahead. She knew she was prison bound once again.

Helen had been about to leap from her seat when the second verdict was delivered. Nikki was no longer a cold blooded murderer, but they had still found her guilty of manslaughter. The verdict of the initial trial had not been overturned which meat that Nikki would almost definitely be going back to prison. Only this time it would be unlikely to be Larkhall, due the amount of history she had with the place. Helen had just been offered a job working with young offenders in North London and had to make a decision by Monday, giving her three days to see where Nikki was being taken and to make her decision. During Helen's pondering, the judge had adjourned the court for lunch, allowing him time to reach a decision regarding Nikki's sentence. As she realised this, she rose to her feet idly to watch the judge leave the room. She allowed herself to glance over at the dock but Nikki was already being escorted away and her eyes were below the level of the dock.

'She couldn't even bring herself to look at me.' Nikki held her head in her hands as Claire entered the cell.

"I'm sorry Nikki, we did our best." Claire was a bit apprehensive, having heard tales about Nikki's temper.

"Don't be. I know you did and it was no more than I was expecting really. It's still a shock to hear it out loud again though. Did you see Helen before you came down?"

"No, I wanted to make sure you were OK."

"She wouldn't look at me in court."

"Maybe she was in shock, it's a lot for her to take in as well." Claire did her best to reassure Nikki, but could see she was fighting a losing battle. "I'm going for lunch now anyway so I'll try and have a word with her, OK? Any message?"

"Not yet no, I want to see what happens first." Nikki already knew what she had to do. She was holding Helen back, would be when she got sent to a prison miles away. This had to be it, the end for them. She loved Helen too much to ask her to put her life on hold indefinitely.

Claire stepped from the cell and asked the guard to keep a close eye on her. She was understandably depressed about the outcome, but there was something else, Claire felt sure. She set off in search of Helen, presuming that she would want to know how Nikki was. She was not mistaken. Helen nearly bowled her over, grabbing her by the shoulders demanding to know if she'd seen her.

"Ok, Ok. She's alright considering. She's a bit quiet at the minute but that's understandable. She's worried about how you're taking it. She thinks you couldn't look at her in there because she'd been found guilty."

"Partly true, I couldn't get my head round it. By the time it sunk in, she was being led away. Did she tell you to tell me anything?"

"No, she said she wants to see how it goes first. I don't know what that means." Helen looked at Claire, a pained expression in her eyes. "Let's go and get something to eat. You won't be any good to her if you collapse in court. If the worst comes to the worst, I'll try and arrange for you to see her before she's taken away, I promise." Claire led Helen out of the courthouse to a café across the road. Helen picked at the food she was served, not having an appetite due to the huge knot in her stomach.

Before she knew it, it was time to return to the courtroom for the sentencing review. They made their way back to the courthouse. Helen grabbed Claire's arm as she was about to set off for the cells.

"Tell Nikki whatever happens, I'll be waiting for her." Claire nodded as Helen choked on her final words.

Nikki had not stopped pacing once during the lunch hour. She had it all worked out now, what she would say to Helen, how she would make her see it was for the best. The plate of food remained untouched on the table, Nikki's stomach too knotted to accept food. Claire entered the tiny space and passed on Helen's message to her client. Nikki barely acknowledged it, continuing to pace and impose herself on the cramped cell. Claire tried to explain to Nikki what could possibly happen but found herself unable to watch Nikki, the constant motion making her dizzy. It did not seem to matter anyway as Nikki was not responding, having retreated into a silent world inhabited only by her. Suddenly her pacing stopped as her gaze fell upon the opening door. It was time.

To Be Continued…


	18. Chapter 18

**Shit Happens - Chapter Eighteen**

Nikki appeared again in the dock, looking timid and pale. She glanced towards Helen, who smiled supportively back. She allowed herself to return the gesture, but it failed to meet her eyes which held pure fear in them. The court rose as the judge returned. AS everyone else was seated, Nikki was instructed to remain standing. A hush settled around the courtroom, with reporters awaiting the sentence with bated breath. Helen found herself holding hers, subconsciously as though normal life and death things did not matter.

"Miss Nicola Wade, I agree with the findings of the jury as there can be little question that your actions led to the death of Detective Constable Peter Gossard. I am therefore sentencing you to serve 10 more years in prison, with a recommendation that at least half of this sentence must be completed before your case is reviewed. However, due to the success of the electronic tag and curfew order placed on you whilst awaiting trial, and testimony which convinces me you are no longer a threat to the general public, I am taking the unprecedented step of suspending your sentence for three years. Any violation of the law during this period will leave us no choice but to send you back to prison. Do you understand?" Nikki nodded numbly, not really hearing what the judge was saying. "You may step down, you are free to go." Nikki remained standing in the dock, not understanding. She had been found guilty and he said she had to go to prison for at least the next five years and now he was telling her she was free to go? Helen ran to the dock as a police woman led her down. She hugged Nikki hard, squeezing all the breath out of her. Claire joined them, beaming from ear to ear and congratulating Nikki. Still numb, Nikki was led from the court to collect her belongings and go home.

Finally finding her voice, she asked, "What just happened in there?" Helen laughed and Claire tried to explain to Nikki what she had to do to stay out of prison.

"Now we go home, Nikki." Helen took Nikki's hand in her own, taking her holdall from her. She walked to the car and threw it into the backseat, too impatient to put it in the boot. Nikki's brain was still having trouble digesting what had happened. 'This changed everything, didn't it?' Nikki was not sure. Was it still fair to Helen to put her through so much? She realised that Helen was talking to her and tried to concentrate on what she was saying. Everything seemed to be happening in a different part of the world to her, she could not quite break through this thick fog that was surrounding her, dulling her senses.

"Nikki, have you heard a word I've said?"

"Sorry, what? Sorry. I er…"

"Still trying to take it in, huh?"

"Yeah. I mean I really thought I'd be on my way up North to a prison cell now and that I'd stay there for the next God-knows-how-many years."

"Well let's celebrate the fact that you're not. You're a free woman, as long as you can learn to be a good girl for the next three years!"

"What do you have in mind?" No matter what Helen tried, she could not seem to make Nikki as excited as she felt. Sure it was one hell of a big shock. She too had been sure Nikki would not be travelling this route with her at the end of the day, but here she was and Helen wanted to let everybody know just how happy she was about it. Nikki seemed distant and preoccupied though, as if lost in thought.

"I don't know. It's your celebration, why don't you choose? How do you want to start the rest of your life?" Slowly as it dawned on Nikki, a grin spread across her face which would have put the Cheshire Cat to shame.

"Oh I know one way!" Helen said nothing but floored the accelerator.

They lay for hours, neither wanting to move or let the real world encroach on their happy cocoon. Eventually, the world became closer to Nikki again as her head began to recover from the days events. As she lay, holding Helen as she dozed, idly stroking her arm, she ran through what had happened. Everything since the verdict had been returned had passed by in a blur, as though Nikki was watching it from outside of her body, her mind completely detached. Despite their lovemaking, Nikki still had her concerns about the effect her presence had had on Helen's life so far. There was still such a long way to go and all Nikki did was seem to complicate things. Helen had told her about the job offer whilst she was in the hospital. She knew it was for the best, and if they moved, Helen could rest assured that Laura would not be able to send anyone after her. Nikki shuddered as she thought of all Helen had gone through, how she had suffered and had to cope on her own because Nikki could not be there. And now for the next three years, Nikki had to be careful not to get so much as a speeding ticket or else she faced being sent back to prison. Nikki knew how long three years could be and she did not kid herself to think that the police would not go out of their way to put her back behind bars. Could she really avoid it in the face of provocation? Would she really have the self restraint? She somehow doubted it. It had been easier inside and there had been less to lose. A few days down the block seemed like a holiday compared to the thought of losing Helen.

As if sensing Nikki's turmoil, Helen reached up and stroked a hand down Nikki's face, guiding it to meet her own. Seeing the look in Nikki's eyes, Helen tried to assure her that everything would be fine now that the trial was over.

"Do you really believe that Helen? What so the cops are going to say 'Oh well, she's done her time, now'? Do me a favour. I'm going to have to watch my back everywhere I go, because there's always going to be someone who knew him or a friend of a friend who wants to see me put away for the rest of my life. Do you think I've changed so much that I'll never hit out at anyone ever again?"

"I'm not saying it'll be easy." Nikki climbed from the bed and paced over to the window, turning her back on Helen. "Nikki, sweetheart, we can do this…together. I'm going to take this new job and we can find somewhere to live, our own place. You've got the money from the sale of the club, maybe you could start again."

"Get real, Helen. No one is going to grant me a licence to sell alcohol, not after what happened."

"Nikki, you can't think like this. You've got to be positive. You'll find something. What about your gardening, maybe you could give that a go?"

"I weeded the gardens at Larkhall for two and a half years, yeah that really qualifies me to start my own gardening business." Helen groaned in exasperation. Today should have been filled with promises of a new life together, but Nikki was once again being a pessimist.

"Oh I give up." Helen left Nikki to it and locked herself in the bathroom, needing a shower to ease the tension that had sprung to her muscles. This was the way Nikki had been since Di had tried to smother her. Helen wondered if she needed counselling to deal with what had happened, she had even suggested it once, only to be told where to go in no uncertain terms. If this was how it was going to be with Nikki though, Helen realised the hard work had only just begun.

Nikki sunk onto the bed, tears stinging her eyes. Why was she being like this with Helen? Why put her through this? Why, because she had to make her see what Nikki had already realised. If so many obstacles had been put in their way, why did they not heed the signs? To Nikki, it was obvious that it was not meant to be. Nothing right should ever be so much hard work, cause so much pain and suffering along the way. She wondered how long it would take Helen to get fed up with the treatment she was being afforded, but no matter how much Nikki wanted everything to be perfect, she knew it could never be. If they told the truth, neither of them expected Nikki to still be free in three years time so why go through their time always wondering when it would end? She had expected being freed to feel great, that being with Helen would be the only thing she cared about, but it wasn't. She cared too deeply for Helen to stand by and watch what she was doing to her life. But now she could do something about it. She was no longer a spectator unable to control anything, watching from a distance. She dressed and found a pad of paper and began to write Helen a letter, explaining everything.

Helen stepped from the shower, shivering but feeling calmer than before. She was determined to have it out with Nikki. They were going to get to the root of the problem and then they were going to put it behind them. They had their whole future together and they had to find a way to work through their problems and discuss them calmly and rationally. As she stopped the shower, she thought she could hear Nikki moving about in the bedroom, it sounded as though she was pacing around. Another thing Nikki would have to stop. All that constant moving around would make Helen sea-sick in no time. She wrapped a towel around her damp body and thought about tackling Nikki straight off. She reconsidered though, deciding it was probably wiser to dress first. It would not do for them to be side tracked, there were obviously important issues to be discussed.

Nikki packed the last of her clothes into her holdall as Helen walked out of the bathroom. She forced herself not to be swayed by Helen standing dressed only in a towel, looking incredibly sexy with wet hair plastered around her face. That face dropped, eyes flickering around the room, taking in Nikki's bag, eyes focusing back on Nikki in confusion.

"What's going on?"

'You're doing it because you love her.' Nikki's mind was filled with this chant as though she was still desperately trying to convince herself. "I'm sorry, I wanted to be gone before you came out. It's for the best. I wrote it all down, it explains it better than I can. I'll keep in touch with Claire so I know when Laura and Fenner's trial is. I'm really sorry Helen, but I can't do this to you anymore."

"Do this to me? What do you mean?" Helen tried to grab Nikki's arm, but she was shrugged off.

"I've gotta go. Read the letter when I've gone, please. You'll understand then. Always remember this though, I will always love you and adore you, too much to put you through anymore shit. You once said to me that shit happens. Well too much has happened to us and I think it's time to listen to what fate is trying to tell us. Shit won't happen to you again, Helen." Nikki picked up her bag and walked towards the front door. Helen raced after her, almost rugby tackling her to prevent her from going.

"What, so I put my neck on the line for you, trying to do everything I can to get you out of prison and then what, a quick shag as payment and you walk out of my life?" Nikki pulled Helen to her and kissed the top of her head.

"Read it, Helen. I love you, but I have to do this." Nikki turned and opened the door. She forced herself not to look back, knowing that she would not go through with it if she did. She felt Helen tugging at her sleeve, clinging on to it until Nikki pulled the door closed behind her. Helen watched her go, too shocked to react, turning the letter over in her hands as she watched the light disappear from her life. Helen was about to chase after Nikki, to talk her out of this madness, but realised she only wore a towel. Cursing she dashed to the bedroom and threw on the first clothes she found. Still fighting with her trainers, she sprinted out of the door and to the gate. Nikki was nowhere to be seen as Helen desperately searched up and down the street. She ran to the end of the road in the direction Nikki had turned as she left the gate but there was still no sign. Her neighbour was just leaving as she returned to the flat and assumed that she was looking for her friend who'd just left.

" You just missed her, she got on the bus."

"Which one, did you see?" Helen only just stopped herself from grabbing the bloke's collar.

"Sorry." With that he walked off, leaving Helen dejected on the front doorstep. She shuffled back inside, still trying to comprehend what had happened. Where had it gone wrong? If Nikki loved her as she claimed to, why had she left? She returned to the bedroom and sank into the bed, still warm from their bodies. Seeing the discarded letter, she picked it up and began to read it with shaking hands.

Dearest Helen,

This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write. Never did I imagine that I would have to do something so hard and you have to believe that this is hard for me. I love you so much Helen, more than life itself which is why I have to do this. One day you will look back and understand, when the pain is gone. Since I first met you, your life has been turned upside down by your own admission. You have sacrificed so much and been through more than anyone should have to. Now I am free, it should come to an end but it wouldn't. There would always be another obstacle, another problem. If it was meant to be we would not have to fight for it all the time. You have lost your career, your husband and chance of a 'normal' life and been placed in danger all because I convinced you that you shared what I felt for you. I should not have pursued you like I did and with hindsight would not do so again. I do not regret our time together, please don't think that I do, but I do regret what it cost you. I love you too much to put you through any more. I will always love you and hate myself for leaving this way, but it really is for the best for you. I am eternally grateful for the trust you showed in me and for all your efforts to allow me to be free and I could never thank you enough for it. You once said that we could never have an equal relationship and while you kept it in the context of Larkhall, it is true for out here too. I owe you too much to ever be your equal and I cannot see a way by which to come even close to making us so. Please, don't hate me for walking out on you like this. I did not intend it to be this way. I had it all worked out, I would be transferred to a prison far away and I would write to you then. I thought things might be different if I were free, but I was just kidding myself. Never forget that I will always love you, you will always be the most important and special person I have ever and will ever know. Forgive me.

All my love forever

Nikki x

The words swam on the page before Helen's eyes as she wept for the loss of the greatest love of her life.

Nikki sat on the bus as it pulled from the station, knowing that Helen would probably have read the letter by now. Ignoring the stares of the other passengers, she sobbed as she looked from the window, mourning the loss of the only person she had ever truly been in love with. There was no going back now. She knew she must face whatever the future held in store for her, no matter how uncertain that future was.

The End…?


End file.
